Reasons To Be Proud Of Myself April 28, 2012

1) I didn’t actually put off saying goodbye to TD until after Monday, when we were all going to go speed boating.  This may not seem like a big thing, but I’ve been dying to go on his boat (and NO, that is not a euphemism for anything dirty) and I was actually going to get to go on Monday

2) I have not called TD, nor have I even cried today much

3) I am not having as hard a time with not calling, texting, messaging or the prospect of never seeing him again as I would have thought (especially since his contact information is deleted from my phone).  I do have to wonder if that’s because I know that I’ll see him again?  Either because I’m a big huge wus and will end up calling or that I think he’ll contact me and that we’ll end up living happily ever after ?

4) I actually changed my air filters today (the one’s for the a/c at home, not in my car) and only fell off the step stool once.  Okay, twice, but no one was looking.

5) I wrote out a very well thought out (or so I think) list of things to illustrate how TD has been jerking me around as I truly don’t think he realizes it.  Will I sent it?  Who knows.  Will I post it in order to bore the shit out of you all so you can see and tell me if it’s a good or bad idea?  You betcha!

6) I did not go on a Match.com rampage when I received my 574th message from some old/fat/ugly/non local/stupid man today.

7) As I spent way too much money yesterday on things I don’t need and my cruise ended up costing waaaay more than I thought it would, I’m being economical and doing happy hour at home tonight.  Okay, technically today as I started around 3 pm.

I’ve Traded In My Wink April 27, 2012

Damn, I think I’m getting writers cramp.  I actually sent a bona-fide message to not one but two guys on match.  Although I have been doing my searches and whatnot on there I have not had anyone spark enough of an interest for me to do anything other than send a lame wink.  I know!  I hate those but they are one of my (very few) double standards.  I think it’s the guys’ responsibility to message me.  Yes, even in response to me sending a lame wink.

Anywhoo, I was going thru my 7 daily matches today and I actually bothered to read two of the profiles.  The guys were funny and self deprecating.  Now, don’t go getting all excited for me because although yes I actually sent a message to them both, they were each only one line long.  And totally sarcastic.  And I even forgot to put my name in one (honestly because I think I may have winked at him last year and can’t remember if he responded back or not).  Needless to say, I will not be holding my breath on either of these two bachelors, but at least I tried.  Sort of.

What A Craptastic Track Record…. April 27, 2012

So here’s the breakdown since June of last year: I kinda fell for a recovering alcoholic who in no way, shape or form deserved it.  It was a short lived romance and he had everyone fooled.  However I should have picked up on his disinterest/flakiness/non-follow-through way before I gave him the chance to do a number on me.  My bad.  He was the 1st guy I’ve allowed myself to ‘like’ in years.  So it didn’t work out.  It threw me into a bit of tailspin (especially since he was nice enough to explain to me, a month after he had fallen off the the face of the earth and I had just started to get over it, how he fell in love with someone else).  Again, my bad.  Dumb fucker …..

Then there was the great one sided love affair with TD.  The man who I befriended, then fell for, then left, then allowed him to convince me that I was ‘the one’, then changed his mind, then a lot of back and forth for the next 5 months.  Intentional or not, the man led me on and played on my sympathies.  I thought he needed me.  I thought I would get my chance once he was ready to date again.  I thought we were ‘helping’ each other and biding our time until it was ‘our’ turn.  Once again……my bad.  I’ve allowed 2 guys to walk all over me in the past year.  Granted, at their core, I still think they are both amazing people, but yet they both took advantage of my good nature.  Yes, when I’m not being a snarky bitch I actually have one.  TD absolutely played me.  He led me on, both physically and mentally and lulled me into a sense of security that I whole heartedly believed.  My total conviction that he would never do anything to intentionally hurt me blinded me from the fact that it may not have been intentional.   I allowed it to happen.  I saw it coming.  I knew what I needed to do and didn’t.  I absolutely think he sucks for doing what he’s done to me and still taking very little responsibility for it, but in the end, I have to look out for myself and I obviously haven’t been.

TD changed.  He won’t admit it, but he did.  About 2 weeks ago he somehow got ‘harder’ and less caring.  It couldn’t have been in an attempt to push me away by his reaction the other night and fighting against losing me.  I can’t figure out why though.  I know he wasn’t doing it for my sake in an attempt to gradually let me go in that he didn’t want that to happen either.  Sure, he has always wanted things on his terms, it’s just that his terms and my terms used to match up better so I didn’t notice as much.  Maybe he is coming into his own and embracing this whole single thing.  Or maybe he is just proving to me, and everyone else, what he has always told me and I have always argued against.  That he is selfish.  I never believed it before.  I either never saw it or just never acknowledged it.  We did everything together.  No less than 5 days a week together.  Sleep overs.  Getting together with friends.  Flirting and touching and back rubs and neck massages and more.  Totally inappropriate for ‘friends’.  He had everyone fooled.  And I do mean everyone……

I can’t say that there is anyone of interest on the horizon for me right now (damn it), but I promise to be more careful next time.  I have got to find that balance between opening up and letting people in and still protecting myself.  I haven’t quite mastered that in the last 44 years, but there’s still time isn’t there?

More ‘Helpful’ Tips from TD April 27, 2012

I can’t believe I forgot to share with all (two) of you one of the stellar pieces of advice that TD bestowed upon me the other night as I was explaining why I couldn’t be his ‘friend’ anymore.  We’re all well aware that the man is more than just a little deluded in the part that he has played in my unhappiness.  He honestly believes that if I had other things going stellar in my life right now, I would be totally fine with his rejection of the mere idea of dating me and his continuing to date everyone in town while keeping me as a friend.  I actually got tired of trying to explain it to him so just started nodding my head.  He’s convinced that if I started dating someone, even as just a diversion, that I wouldn’t have an issue with his rejection of me and his dating the masses.  Gotta love guys……they’re so erm, simple.  He actually phrased it more along the lines of ‘although I wouldn’t like to see you dating someone, maybe you should ……..’.  Ugh.  Gotta love the double standards.  Anyway, I just kinda nodded and said that apparently he has an easier time making ‘connections’ than I do and he suggested ……… wait for it……. that I try EHarmony!  WTF!  I almost gave him a link to my blog posts on that (along with a swift kick in the nads)!  Dumb fucker……..did he really just say that to me?  I wonder if that’s where he met the unfortunate whore woman that he ‘almost’ slept with before dumping her.  In a car………. *gag*

Who Knew? A Little Lesson On Visibility…….. April 26, 2012

So I could have sworn when Match would send me my ‘daily matches’ (the ones you had to long in to see, not the lame assed ones they e mail you with), you could click on the ‘read more’ regarding their profile and since you weren’t actually on their page, ‘they’ wouldn’t be able to see that you looked at their page.  I guess I’m still learning.  Remember how you know who was sent to me the other day in my daily matches?  Well I figured I would finally get to read his profile as I wouldn’t register on his ‘who viewed me page’.  Uhm, wrong.  As I was giving my 3rd and hopefully final goodbye speech to TD last night he blurts out ‘you looked at my profile’.  Erm, yes I did you big douchebag and guess what?  It sucked!  He mentioned the word ‘perfect’ more than once and uses improper English a few times.  He also claims to open and honest and affectionate.  Okay fine, he IS all of those things.  He just happens to lead people (i.e. me) on and is not in the mental place right now to be ‘looking for that perfect forever woman’.  Oh, and I didn’t actually say any of those things.  I do believe my stellar response went something more along the lines of …….. ‘so?’.

Yup, I’m a keeper!

Ah Irony, How I Hate You So….. April 26, 2012

I cook for a living.  We all pretty much know that.  I don’t know how many hard boiled eggs I’ve cut into in my career, but considering one of my regular groups has an inexplicable obsession with deviled eggs, it would be safe to guesstimate somewhere around 20 bazillion.  What do I find today when I cut into one?  Today, the day that my heart is a little worse for the wear and it’s all I can do to be productive in between my 42 naps?  No, nothing gross but an oddly shaped yolk.  That is in the shape of a perfect heart.  Really?  I took a picture of it and was going to post it, but that brings me to part two of of how much symbolic irony sucks.  I can’t post the picture because I took it with my phone.  The phone that spontaneously jumped out of my pocket and into the toilet.  Yes, again.

As much of my life is in that phone (calendar, contacts, text message strings, angry birds ;- )), I find it hysterical that some sort of karmic asshole felt the need to illustrate to me how sucky my life is today by having me drop my life/phone in the crapper.  Message received.  Awesome.

And The Countdown Begins…………Again April 25, 2012

I did it.  I just got back from TD’s and I told him.  I told him I just couldn’t do it anymore.  That although he has brought me so much happiness in the past, lately it has been more tears than smiles and I needed to look out for myself.  He agreed that I need to find my happiness again and suggested that I take some time away from him.  He has no idea that I meant forever and he wouldn’t listen to any of that part of things.  He knows he’s made me unhappy.  He knows he’s been selfish.  I guess it’s my turn to be selfish now.  He offered some ‘suggestions’ on how we can salvage our friendship.   We can’t.  At least not right now (and most likely ever).  I told him that I wanted it all.  Friendship just isn’t good enough.  Regardless of how it affects him or (sadly) his kids (whom I love dearly), I can’t keep kidding myself that I am able to handle things the way they are.  So we talked.  And talked.  And two hours later I drove away.  He thinks for a couple of weeks.  I think a hell of a lot longer than that.  I’m going to miss the hell out of him, but am actually feeling okay.  For now.  I have only broken down twice.  Once when pulling away from his house and just now.  When I deleted his contact information from my phone.  As anyone who relies solely on their cel knows, I have no clue what his phone number is; I just always look it up by his name.  And now that’s gone. 

I’ve asked him not to contact me.  That’s just the way it needs to be………..  Now would be a great time for everyone to tell me how awesome I am ’cause I kinda feel like shit.

Prequel To The Weekend April 25, 2012

*This is from Thursday when shit started to hit the fan.  If anyone comes across my self respect, I would appreciate you returning it to me.*

I’m keeping this private as I’ve pretty much been lying to everyone (including myself) about TD.  I used to be a strong woman.  Not take any shit from anyone.  I don’t care how nice a guy was to me, if he was always about himself, then he was out.  No looking back.  I can’t and don’t do that with TD.  And it kinda came to a head today.  I’m pretty sure he’s seeing someone.  I am recognizing the same pattern of lag time in answering texts, disinterest in things, and pretty much just not caring.  Plus he hasn’t updated his profile online in 3 days.  And I know he was out both Monday night and Tuesday night.  Yeah, I know, I suck.  We’ve been hanging out again.  He called me a crutch last week though.  You know, one of those temporary things that you keep around for a while, but then get rid of when you don’t need it anymore.  That sucked.  Of course I didn’t tell him.  Anyway, I’ve had a shit week.  And a shit day.  I screwed up a luncheon today.  I’ve never done that before.  I texted to tell TD and he replied about 40 minutes later.  I replied back letting him know how upset I was and then nothing.  No reply.  In my awesome passive aggressive fashion, I sent back, 2 hours later, ‘gee thanks TD, I pretty much drop everything to check in with you and make sure you’re okay when i know you’re upset.  thanks so much for the stellar effort’.  To which he responds ‘i can’t believe you said that to me, you have NO idea what’s been going on over here’.  Of course, now i feel like shit and get worried about what’s going on so i call.  Like the loser that I am.  Nothing was going on over there.  NO clue why he wrote that.  Dumbass.  He then throws in ‘sorry i didn’t respond as fast as you’d want me to, but I thought you were still there and I didn’t want to bother you’.  Uhm, it was 4 pm for shits sake!  He then tells me that he’s not sure if he should be mad or sad by what I said.  Effectively turning the attention back him and his feelings.  guess what?  I love him dearly.  I really do.  He cares about me and I know it.  Everything is always on his terms though and according to his agenda and I allow it to happen.  I spent the remainder of the conversation apologizing to him.  Like and idiot.  He brought up how he needs to work on his male friendships.  How all his female friendships have gotten him in trouble in the past.  Pretty much everything he’s brought up a million times before and things that had nothing to do with the issue at hand.

I know I need to put my foot down.  I really do.  I just don’t think i can do it.  And it makes me sad.  Not at the prospect of losing him, mind you, but at the prospect of losing myself.   Which I’ve already done.  Here’s the thing.  I AM his crutch.  He gets to have his cake and eat it too.  He gets to date around and still keep me for backup.  Guess what?  He’s my crutch too and I’m not sure I can throw him away.  I was doing great.  I really was.  I was playing the game and even buying into all my stories of dating and having a gay old time without him.  Today i fell apart and i can’t allow this to keep happening.  I just can’t.  Today is the day that I needed him to be all about me.  To check in on me and make sure I was okay.  The fact that he was ‘going to’ just ‘hadn’t yet’ isn’t good enough.  I’m always afraid of hurting his feelings or making him angry.  That’s bullshit.  Today he pissed me off and I have a right to mad.

He says he is starting ‘embrace being single’.  If by ‘being single’ he means ‘being more selfish than ever’, then I think he’s right.  I am absolutely the definition of insanity.

(insanity = doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome)

Where Is Gene Rayburn When You Need Him? April 24, 2012

Remember (those of you old enough) that awesome show ‘The Match Game’?  Well he was the host.  Match.com plays their own version.  In a totally perverted and ‘fuck you’ sorta way, but still.  Those unfamiliar with Match.com may not know that they send you anywhere from 4-8 ‘daily matches’ that you need to log in to view and then you rate them a ‘yes’, ‘no’ or ‘maybe’.  If you’re all excited about one of them, you can even send them a note.  Whoopee!  Most of mine are ‘no’ or ‘maybe’.  Yey.  You can read their profiles without them knowing (’cause really, who wants to know who they’re being rejected by).  I have no real clue how they choose who is ‘my match’ because although I have read and fully understand the oh so complicated algorithms that they use to select these winners for me, if they really went by who I’ve exchanged the most messages with, they’d be sending me this lovely person’s profile each week.

Anywhoo, I think I promised you all some stories from the weekend and my sailing lessons with TD.  All day Saturday and all day Sunday.  Followed by a wicked argument Saturday night, acting like nothing was wrong on Sunday and a great time sailing and going out to dinner afterwards on Sunday night.  I won’t go into specifics but it was a fairly passive aggressive weekend all the way around.  I pushed buttons (on purpose).  He pushed buttons.  He yelled.  I cried.  His son heard us.  TD and I have never fought before.  We really have nothing to fight about.  Oh, aside from the fact that I’m kind of still in love with him and he’s in love with dating everyone in town.  Okay, not really, but the fact that he is dating says, well screams really, that I’m not the one and never will be.  As a matter of fact, as I will never be able to do it on my own apparently, mid fight I asked him to tell me to fuck off.  That I would never be the one for him.  That he needed to send me away and not look back because I apparently haven’t been able to totally do that yet.  And he wouldn’t.  He said he couldn’t.  That although he knows how selfish it is, that I’m just too important in his life.  I hate him more than a little bit for that.  It was an ugly weekend.  Alcohol induced, of course, but I saw a side of him that I really didn’t like.  He was mean.  On purpose.  Then again, I was being an uber bitch.  Yes, on purpose.

I asked him about his dating in an attempt to disgust myself enough to storm out.  He told me.  He’s dated about 5-6 women in the past 2 months.  I asked if he’s slept with any of them (yes, feel free to unsubscribe to my blog at any time now).  He told me no, but that he’d ‘come close’ with one.  One that he went out with 4 times.  And they ‘almost’ had sex on date #3.  I asked him what stopped them (hoping, like a ginormous moron to hear the words ‘I just couldn’t do that to you’) and he told me it was a matter of logistics.  Uhm, what the fuck does that mean?  Apparently they were in a car.  Yup, just like 2 horny teenagers.  Dumbass.  I laughed in his face and that set him off.  Good.  I know, before anyone tells me, that there is no way in hell that he’d be able to feel whatever feelings he had for this other person and ‘almost’ sleep with her if he was invested in me in the least.  I’m well aware, thank you.  In the end though, they went out one more time after that and then he ran away.  Afraid, once again, to be in a relationship.

Does it make me feel better that it’s apparently not just me that he doesn’t want to date?  Nope.  It doesn’t.  I feel bad for these women but hope they are smarter than I am and run away (far away) before they get further invested in him.  So he dated this one woman 4 times and another woman 3 times.  Nice.  I’ve dated no one.  Don’t get me wrong, I would LOVE to date someone, it’s just that no one has asked.  Well, no one that I would even remotely consider as they are blatantly wrong for me; even as just a diversion.  There is nothing I would love more than to meet a man who makes me go ‘TD who?’.  I’m still looking, but apparently he’s hiding……

Anyway, after 3 days full of drama and tears (on both our parts) and just sort of letting things go once we sobered up, we are back to being what we were before.  Which is some sort of dysfunctional friendship.  No, we don’t see each other nearly as much as we used to nor do we even communicate a fraction as much.  For the record, I have NOT fooled around with him or slept with him in months and don’t allow him to even touch me.  I just haven’t actually told him to fuck off again.  Yet.  But I’m getting there.  He doesn’t deserve me.  It’s not his fault that I’m not his ‘one’.  It’s my fault for not fully acknowledging what his selfishness in keeping me as a friend is actually doing to my psyche.  I am disengaging again, but haven’t fully yet.  I really don’t want to end up hating him (or having him hate me), but it’s looking like that’s the only way I’m going to be able to do this.

Oh, so back to the title of this post.  Guess who Match sent me as one of my daily matches today?  No really, go ahead and guess………

You didn’t really want to hear about the actual sailing part, did you?

Love Is In The Air April 23, 2012

Oh hell no, not for me!  What?  Are you new here?  It seems like everyone I know in town is presently in love.  Yey.  Am I happy for them?  The part that I wish was more prevalent right now wants to say hell yes I am.  Good for you for finding love and  being all sickenlingly happy.  You know what part of me is winning out though?  The one that wants to stab them all in the eye with a fork and shove one of those adorable teddy bears that hold a heart inscribed with ‘I wuv you’ right down their throats.  Okay, not really, but you get the idea.

What the hell people?  I have ‘met’ exactly zero decent guys since I’ve been back on Match (all of approximately 10 days).  I’ll go that one further by saying that I’ve been contacted by zero decent guys since then.  Sure, they may be decent in truth, but just not decent for me and it’s all about me, right?  I’ve been watching that questionable VH1 show ‘Tough Love’ and the last episode was regarding online dating profiles.  Ahhh, finally something I can use from those train wrecks.  Know what I learned?  That guys probably don’t even read my profile (duh), they may see my picture and get a little happy but then they’ll read that I’m 44 and never been married and automatically click off.  Why?  ‘Cause they all assume I have either ‘issues’ or am high maintenance or that basically there’s just something wrong with me.

How else could a fairly decent looking woman go 44 years and never get married?  They won’t consider that I’ve been working on my career.  That I’ve been dating ‘the wrong guys’.  That although I haven’t been married, I’ve been in long-term relationships.  They won’t consider that maybe it’s a combination of bad guys, bad decisions, bad timing and a lot of wasted effort?  Nope, they just figure I’m not worth the effort.  Awesome.  I could always go the route of 80% of the online dating population and just lie, saying that I’m divorced so that I’ll at least come up in more searches, but let’s face it.  I’m in the 20% minority that is honest in my profile.  I don’t lie about my age, my marital status, my height, my weight, my pictures or even the fact that I can (and do) trip over absolutely nothing all the time.  That’s just me.  Why lie?  Oh wait…………….

What has brought on this wonderful bout of cynicism and bitterness you ask?  Always being around couples!  Happy ones, sad one, old ones, young ones, new ones, ones that have been together forever.  Ugh.  Enough already!  Do you think there is such a thing as mail order groom?  Okay not a groom as I don’t need to be married.  And not foreign as I only speak English fluently.  And must be able to financially support himself (hell, if I’m going to support someone, he better be damn fine in every regard).  Eh, maybe I just need a good ole’ cock……….tail at happy hour!

-

Oh and no, I obviously didn’t fall of the boat learning how to sail this weekend.  I did smash my head on the boom once (that swingy bar thingie that holds up the big sail) and did get to spend some quality time with TD and listen to him lamenting his love life (he really is a moron sometimes), but more on both of these things later.  Today is all about me being bitter and jaded and pissed and jealous.  I just love Mondays……….. you’re welcome.

Thanks For Stopping By But You’re In The Wrong Place April 20, 2012

I would love to regale you all with stories of my horrific amazing internet dates, but I haven’t actually been on any.  No need to point out that it’s Friday night and I’m home.  Alone.  Boo.  As a little consolation prize I am going to bring back one of my favorite things.  Looking through the search terms that bring people to my awesome(ly boring) little blog.  Some are funny, some are appropriate and some are just wrong.  Please to enjoy:

sorry for drunk calling – uhm, I don’t actually drunk call, but I am getting pretty awesome at sending texts to the wrong people after a rousing night of cocktails

quotes about trying to change someone - sorry, it can’t be done.  stop trying.

kind hearted woman tattoo - no clue what that is

jewish christenings - uhm, I think those two are mutually exclusive?

not looking right tattoo - yes, i know, my tattoo is a bit wonky but whatever

i hate internet dating - join the club

single at 43 what are my chances - hmmmm, if your using me as a ruler, then not very good

worst person to drunk dial - your mother?

43 never married – well aware, thank you

alpha male vibe - haha, if they claim to be ‘alpha male’ just know that’s code for ‘i’m a big pussy’

lovely dinner invitation - not familiar with this one

43 and single; now what? - invest in copious amounts of vodk

why do guys say ‘he’s a lucky man’ - uhm, because they have the hots for his wife?

‘he’s the one’ i can just feel it – yey for you, now fuck off

things bound to happen 2012 - oh gee, i could go in so many different directions with this one

the drunk i love you guy - how about the ever elusive sober i love you guy?

chemistry sucks - haha, the dating site, the one with the periodic table of elements or the stuff you’re supposed to feel with someone you’re attracted to?

how do i tell my friends that i have been internet dating - uhm, how about ‘i have been internet dating’

grey goose bad for your health – bite your tongue!

i am 43 and single - thanks for reminding me

dirty screen names list - i can only imagine how long this list is

online dating guy seemed so normal - i’m sure it was just an act

it’s bound to happen sooner or later - hell freezing over or finding a great guy online?

we’ll talk soon - no, you won’t

bitch reason - uh, because I am?

home depot inter dating - is this a site for lesbians and guys who like to work with their hands?

i don’t want my match subscription cancelled - why the hell not?

why did he ask me what i was wearing – because he’s a perv; next he will send you a pic of his wee willy winky

he took his photo off the dating site whilst chatting to me now he has put it back on - uhm, yeah ……. his wife probably came home unexpectedly

what does ‘im me now’ mean - it means they’re a perv

i have sprained my arm – ewwwwww

be my pimp - really? when you can keep all the money for yourself?  why?

online dating is shitty - whaaaaa?!?!?!

old man teasing me - i just got a horrific mental image on this one

6’5 surrey male swinger - no clue why this one landed them here, but I wish him the best of luck!

And that’s the end of that my friends.  I am now off to finish my laundry and my vodka lemonade before attempting to learn about 487 sailing terms that I am supposed to know by 10am tomorrow.

 

Drunk Ironing Should Be An Olympic Sport April 19, 2012

I’m pretty sure I could at least get a bronze medal in the event.  Mind you, I don’t iron when sober, so why on god’s green earth would I opt to use a really hot metal device (aka: accident waiting to happen) after an extended happy hour?  A happy hour which, btw, included no food for me.  Then again, vodka can be considered a vegetable as some are made from potatoes, right? Anyway, I’m back home from happy hour with my amazingly gorgeous friend.  She’s single, and successful and outwardly has everything going for her.   And she, like me, is going thru a bit of a confidence challenge.  I almost fell off my seat when she told me.  I always thought she had her shit together, as she did me, but alas, we’re both apparently pretty damn good actresses.  Anyway, it was great to see her and we had a nice time making fun of the middle aged woman in a teenie bopper dress complete with ample ‘side boob’ (thanks Kim whatever your name is from housewives for coining that gem).

We had a good time.  I whined ‘woe is me’, she whined ‘woe is me’, we drank lots and then left.  I got home and continued to drink.  And then vacuumed.  And then did laundry.  And pre blog session, opted to iron.  2 shirts before I lost interest, but still I think I did a damn good job.  (I lost count of how many ill placed commas I used in the previous paragraph, but whatever.)  So I’m ironing.  And have cleaned.  And why the hell would I waste a good buzz on housework, you ask?  Well even if you didn’t, that would be because being productive while semi drunk beats the shit out of acknowledging that I’m semi drunk.  At home.  Alone.  Damn.

Eenie, Meenie, Minee, NO! April 19, 2012

Quite the interesting assortment of e mails waiting for me when I got back from a luncheon today.  One was from a 28 year old who thought I was ‘cute’ (I’ve never been called cute in my life) and wanted to know how my day was going.  One was from a 57 year old man who said I was pretty and smart and interesting and wished me luck.  One was from a fairly decent looking guy who apparently likes fitness as he mentioned the actual word ‘fitness’ in his very short profile at least 20 times.  What did his attention grabbing and complimentary message to me say?  “Nice profile.  What part of town do you live in?”.  Uhm, thanks?  Of course you know which one I opted to reply to, right?  Of course it was the overly verbose guy.  Duh.  Wanna know what it said?  “Thank you.  So, fitness is important to you, huh?”  I assume I will not be hearing back from him.

-

In other news, I dodged yet another bullet at my craptastic 2nd job.  You know how cats have 9 lives?  I apparently do at this job as well and this time, it’s really my absolute last chance.  Like next time I screw up, just drop off my keys and phone and all else and go away kinda last chance.   It’s an easy job with some fairly complicated elements.  I’m all good with the complicated stuff, it’s the trained monkey aspect that I seem to have a challenge with.

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Best of all, for the 1st time ever (at least to my face anyway) in the 12 years of having my company, I was told that my food sucked.  By a lady with absolutely no filter.  Really, she stuck her plate in my face and told me this.  I was mortified.  Luckily I had some other people there that have used me before who came to my defense and really, the lady has an actual head injury that causes her filter to MIA at all times, but I still feel like crap.  If I apparently can’t cook and am incapable of trained monkey work, what’s left?  How the hell am I going to be able to support my happy hour addiction?  Speaking of which ………… gotta run

It Must Be Awfully Dusty In My Town April 19, 2012

I’m up to 627 page views, over 30 e-mails and countless ‘winks’ on match.  Uhm, yey?  There have actually been a couple (read: two) guys that didn’t seem so horrible.  Yes, I know, I’m very giving in my assessments.  Not.  Too bad, get over it.

Sadly, one of the guys (a really cute one too) who sent me a lame wink and ‘accepted’ me as one of his daily matches has had his profile yanked from the site.  It’s not like he even blocked me as I (sadly) know what that would look like.  His profile is just gone and the powers that be at match have a message suggesting that although ‘he’ is gone, maybe I’d be interested in any number of other men that are nothing like this blonde cutie.  I can only assume that since he was a widower, that the authorities discovered that he was the one to kill his wife and have taken him into custody only allowing him time enough to make one phone call (probably to his overbearing mother) and to wipe away any sign that he was on match trolling for women.  Darn.

My new rule is that if a guy winks at me, he only gets a wink back.  Fair, right?  Why should I be the one to put in the effort to come up with a witty e-mail when all he had to do was click on ‘wink for free’?  I’m not that cheap.  Or easy.  At least not sober, that is……..

I do believe that I am meeting coffee guy on Tuesday and the other one from a few days ago seems to have decided that I am in fact not worth the drive across town to meet.  His loss.  Or mine.  I guess we’ll never know.

Maybe the 2 other people assigned to my sailing class with TD this weekend will be tall single men?  There’s a chance, right?

Sink or Swim April 18, 2012

I absolutely love when I do stupid shit.  And by love I hope you’re all well aware that I mean hate.  So anyway a while ago, a long while ago, I signed up for something.  Something that kinda interests me, but mainly because the guy that wanted to do it interested me.  So I agreed.  And signed up.  And paid a big ole’ fee for doing so.  And then forgot about it.  Until I got my study materials in the mail last weekend.  Study materials on how to learn to sail.  Yup, you read that correctly.  How to sail.  And I live in a landlocked state with the saddest excuses for man-made lakes ever. 

Want to know the best part?  I’m not worried in the least about seeing TD.  Or about getting sea sick and throwing up all over him (actually that might be funny).  Or about getting along with the 2 other people who were assigned to learn with us.  I am worried about what to wear.  Something that says ‘look what you passed up dumbass’ without being totally ridiculous for sea-wear.  I don’t think they even make cute boat shoes.  I’m guessing full makeup and heels might be inappropriate? What matches a chest squishing life jacket?

Oh, and did I happen to mention that it’s supposed to hit 100 on Saturday?

Uhm, I Meant Cocktails, Not Coffee April 18, 2012

Cute but stupid, that’s good right?  Better than ugly and brilliant?  Nice guy off of Match messaged me and he apparently actually read my profile as he suggested we meet up.  Yes, my profile clearly states that I am a big believer in chemistry and would much prefer to get to know someone in person rather than via e mail or text.  Sorry, but we all know that I have absolutely no desire to get to know someone before I find out if I want to make out get to know someone!   Anyway, he suggested we meet up.  I said sure, we could meet up for a drink.  He then suggested tomorrow morning or early afternoon.  Uhm, that’s not quite what I meant by ‘drink’.  Do I really need to now go back and revise my profile to reflect my love of all things happy hour?!?!?  Geesh……

Vacation Planning 101 April 17, 2012

I keep putting off planning any sort of vacation as I don’t know what my ‘status’ will be at the time.  We all know that it will inevitably still be ‘single’, but whatever.  I was wanting to go on another cruise in order to try to erase the memories of my horrific last cruise.  Awesome to sail away on a 7 day cruise happy as a clam knowing that you have the man of your dreams at home waiting for me, who had just declared his certainty that I’m the one a scant 4 days prior to my leaving; being uber well behaved the entire trip and missing him terribly (while he fills my text and e mail messages with pretty pictures of our amazing future together) only to arrive back home and into the arms of the man who will dump me in 3 days because he’s not over his psycho-key-weilding-next-door-neighbor-ex.  Uhm, what?  I think I deserve a great vacation after that one!

Here’s the thing.  I love going on cruises.  Not only because they are economical and awesome in that you don’t have to arrange for dining, hotels, bail money ……..oh wait.  Really I think they’re awesome ’cause I can get shit faced drunk and not have to deal with driving home! Yey me!  They’re also very easy for a single person to go on.  I always meet great people and even if I don’t, I get a great tan!  Problem is that in order to reserve a single room, they charge you double.  I ‘get’ the economics of that, but still think it sucks as it will cost me the same to go by myself as it would to take someone with me.  I want to go in August.  4 months from now.  I’m thinking I should book a cruise for 2 and then when August rolls around and I am inevitably still single I will either hold a lottery with my friends to see who can/wants to join me or I will sail away as a lame ‘single’ once again.

I think it just makes good economic sense to plan for someone (anyone?) to come along, right?  Or maybe I’m just being optimistically moronic……….. really, all they’d have to pay for is a plane ticket and their bar bill I’m just sayin…….

 

So I Didn’t Actually Join………………..Yet April 17, 2012

I have my new and improved (?) profile up on Match, but I haven’t actually subscribed yet.  Pictures (no, not the bathing suit tattoo one – there’s no way in hell I’d ever put that on my profile) and verbiage have been given 2 thumbs up by the 2 friends I showed it to.  I’m just not sure how long I want to join for.  Do I want to do the 3 month or the 6 month with the loser clause?  If I do the 6 month, aren’t I just admitting that it will take me longer than 3 months to find someone?  If I do the 6 month with the loser clause, aren’t I just admitting that I’ll need the additional 6 months pity membership in order to find someone?  Of course, the one month membership isn’t even an option.  I mean really, have you not read back to the start of this blog when I actually dated ………… everyone in town?

As I haven’t actually ‘joined’ yet, I can’t see my e mails or contact anyone.  I can see that my profile has been viewed 176 times already since last night.  That I’ve been the recipient of 28 winks and 13 e-mails.  I guess if I keep putting off actually joining, I will feel really popular when I finally can read all my e mails.  And they better not all be from 67 year old men and 28 year old pervs.  Oh wait ………. Actually, as I just got reamed by my boss at job #2, the old guy with good insurance benefits and ill health might be a good option for me as I might soon be in need of a sugar daddy to supplement my income.

So, what does everyone think?  3 months or 6 months?  And do I want the extra special green rimmed page in order to make my profile stand out?

Oh, and I did get a message from a funny guy on OkStupid that wants to meet and I’m totally game for it.  Problem is that I’m booked this weekend and only have Friday free.  He’s already booked on Friday.  Boo.  Stay tuned for this one…… (as if anyone cares)

Taking The Plunge…………..Again April 16, 2012

Yey me!  I received a nice (form) message from a cute guy on OkStupid!  Well, it’s was mostly nice.  Aside from the fact that he referred to me as an ‘older woman’ (he’s 37) and alluded to the fact that his deep voice would make him awesome at phone sex.  As I’m not all that quick on the uptake these days I clicked on his profile only to find that yup, he’s looking for a good time.  Under ‘what you’re good at’, he put ‘i’m confident in my ability to please women’.  Uhm, ick.  That may be so Mr. Ricko Suave, but if all I want is to get laid, I’ll go stake out my local bar.

So we all know that I’ve given myself an ‘end of April’ deadline to get a profile back up on Match *gag*.  Well guess what today was?  Today was me being an overachiever and realizing that there is absolutely no reason on god’s green earth to keep putting off doing it.  My last ‘real’ shitty date was back in September.  Well, that is, aside from the funny little man who apparently just wanted to a sexting buddy back in November.  Since then I’ve been back and forth with TD, hung out with friends, spent time with my dogs and family (not all of them, mind you; just the ones that don’t want to make me throw myself off my roof).  I’ve been working a lot and working on myself a lot.  I’m okay with being alone and being productive.  I’d just rather be productive with someone who thinks I’m the shit.  I’m back talking to TD, but that’s just not good enough for me.  If I’m ever going to find the man that makes me one day go ‘TD who?’, I need to get cracking.  And believe me, I would like nothing better than to have TD be but a distant memory.  Plus, being a bit competitive by nature, I want to find someone before he does.  Yup, I’m a peach.  An immature one for sure, but oh well.

So I did it.  I created an entirely new profile.  It states who I am, who I’m looking for and what I’m hoping for.  It has all new pics; an all new headline and ………… an entirely new account!  Yey!  After 2 years of not being able to figure out that putting up my same profile/membership as before puts me right back down at the bottom of the list, I went the extra mile (okay, more like millimeter) and started from scratch.  Am I excited about online dating again?  Uhm, not really but then again, who really is?  Am I excited about the prospect of actually meeting someone who thinks I’m as great as I think they are?  Hell yes I am!

And let’s be honest here.  We all know that when I’ve been talking to TD I’ve been telling him about all my happy hours and dinners and whatnot with ‘new friends’ which he knows is code for ‘date’.  Let’s see if I can now create stories out of reality instead of my vivid imagination!

Tall Blonde Jews Needed April 14, 2012

Ooooh, maybe I should make that the ‘headline’ for my (yet to be created) new match profile!  As I haven’t even started on it though, I apparently have some time to decide before my self-imposed end of the month deadline hits.  Not that anyone on match will give two shits if I’m back on again or not (oh look!  it’s that sad lady who’s been on here for 2 years already…… i wonder what’s wrong with her?).  You know who does want me to rejoin their website though?  Nope, not that craptastic E-Harmony thing.  As they were nice enough to explain to me how amazingly superficial I must be for doubting their highly advanced personality matching techniques (which, from what I could discern consisted of having monkeys throw darts at a wall of photos) in sending me every 5’6″ guy within a 100 mile radius, I will not be making that mistake again.  Nope, not Chemistry either (which is just a slight bit better than craptastic e-harm).  It’s the bane of my existence as far as internet dating sites go.  The home of every short, unattractive, nappy haired momma’s boy in town.  That’s right, JDate has been harassing me again.  They must be running short of tall, blonde, blue-eyed Jews who don’t look Jewish. 

I can’t get them to stop sending me e-mails!  E-mails with ‘matches’ *gag*.  E-mails with subscription specials.  E-mails about their ‘fun’ summer trip.  And here’s the thing about those pushy Jews;  you can’t just unsubscribe to e mails like most spammy things allow you to do.  Nope, you have to log into JDate (yes, that would be the account I created almost 7 years ago that I can’t figure out how to get rid of) and re-set your e-mail preferences.  Which I’ve done.  No less than a dozen times!  Maybe I should tell them I joined Jews for Jesus?