43 & Single – Heaven Help Me, I've Resorted To Internet Dating!

Ridiculous & Random Stories & Thoughts on My Experiences

Karma, Fate & I Get A Date! November 16, 2015

Filed under: dating,I suck,interent dating,internet dating,online dating,single — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 7:47 pm

So about a year ago, a friend of mine that I had met via Meetup, which is very cool social ‘club’, told me that he had someone he thought I might like.  He said he was tall, we had common interests and he was an uber nice guy.  He showed me a picture of him and after having one of my man hungry girlfriends practically jump across the table to get a look for herself, I made some hugely self deprecating comment about him needing to be a chubby chaser.  I know, I know, my lack of self esteem at times is annoying even to me.  Anywhoo, my friend didn’t want to actually set us up, but rather just point me in the right direction and then possibly have us in the same place.  As far as I know, my friend never even showed Mr. Potential my picture, so I was still an unknown to him.  No harm, no foul if either or both of us wasn’t interested in the other.  As I was in the process of getting a large group of friends together for a happy hour, my friend said he’d invite him to join.  Perfect, right?  If I liked him, awesome.  If I didn’t, my man hungry friend would probably jump him and we’d all have a fun night regardless.  Win, win!   Turns out he was out of town the night we were getting together, so I never met him.  Boo.

Fast forward 2 months to the 4th of July and I go with a couple of girlfriends, and about 10,000 other people, to see the fireworks.  Who do I see?  Yup.  That guy.  As he appeared to be on a date (and I was being a pussy), I didn’t go introduce myself.

Fast forward another few months when football season starts and a girlfriend and I go watch the game at local bar.  Guess who was there? Yup.  Apparently we root for the same team.  Yey! Awesome excuse to go up and introduce myself!  But I didn’t.  Why?  Because I suck, that’s why.

I’ve seen him a couple more times (no clue if he’s seen me, or if he knows who I am) at that same bar on gameday, but apparently rooting for football is just about the only ‘game’ I have these days.

It’s been about a month and a half  since I’ve seen him out and about.  As all two of you you know, I reactivated my Match profile last week and the most enthusiasm I could muster up was to switch my main profile pic to one of me wearing a shirt with ‘my’ team on it.  Great idea right?  Although I’m not a huge football fan, I am very loyal to this specific team and as it’s NFL season, it’s an easy way for anyone to strike up and online conversation with me!  Gosh, I’m brilliant.

Anywhoo, as I was at home watching ‘my’ team lose yesterday, I check my match.com messages on my phone to see that I have a message from someone I don’t recognize and it says simply ‘we stink’.  Uh, rude!

After the game was over, I logged into match on my computer to check out this guy’s profile and try to figure out what he meant.  As I’m looking through pics, I see that this guy is a fan of the same team.  I’m hoping he was referencing ‘our’ team’s recent losing streak and not that he can tell that I hadn’t yet showered for the day.  Well, much to my surprise I see that it’s the guy I’ve been seeing all over town!  Who, by the way, looks completely different in pictures.  Not better or worse, just different (lesson learned friends ~ you can’t always trust pictures and it works both ways; good and bad)

Of course I wrote back, not mentioning that I kinda knew who he was, with a cute little snippet about our team being a little sad lately.

Yey!  Karma & fate have finally come to my aid in the dating department!  How lucky am I, right?

Apparently not very as he didn’t write back.  Boo.


Sunday Funday! Okay, just Sunday……….. November 15, 2015

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 9:39 am
Tags: , , ,

You’ll be surprised to read that I’m back on Match.  Not just having an active subscription, but that I have actually logged on 4 out of 7 days this week.  Sure, I’ve logged right back off soon thereafter, but baby steps, right?  I am ever hopeful that this time will be different.  For some reason, I feel that Einstein’s definition of insanity does not pertain to online dating.  At least not for me.  The men in my town are not doing much to prove otherwise however.

I got a ‘wink’ from a man who thought it was appealing to post a picture of him in a loose tank top, at the gym, dripping sweat from his much too wet head.  I was actually a bit revolted.  As is with all the lovely guys that post a picture with a dead fish or other such unappealing thing, I was hopeful (seeing a theme here?) that it was a one off picture and the rest would be normal.  Or as normal as online dating pics can be.  Nope.  No such luck.  There must have been a dozen sweaty gym pictures.  And this guy has long hair, so it was just bad.  The pics that weren’t sweaty gym ones, looked to be from the ’90s.  Pass.

I got a message from a seemingly normal (ish) sounding guy but his entire message to me consisted of ‘hi’.  I’m not sure why people think that messages are akin to texting.  They’re not.  Not one to outdo anyone, I sent back an equally enthusiastic ‘hi’.  And that was that.

I got a comment on one of my photos that I made a cute Packer’s fan (because, really, I do).  Unfortunately when I responded with my customary humurous ‘thank you so much for the compliment on my picture, I figured the Packers shirt would be much more attractive than wearing a cheese wedge hat on my head’.  Cute, right?  I got back ‘lol’.  Again, since this isn’t texting, it gave me nothing to go on, so I left it at that.

I’ve again gotten many messages from men of every generation.  It’s about a 50/50 split between guys that are waaay too young for me and guys that are waaaaaaay too old for me.  Sure, I’m approaching official old fart age, but I certainly don’t think I act or look like it.

Well, I am off to meet my sisters for brunch.  My twin will have her attached-at-the-hip husband with her and my oldest sister will have boyfriend #274 for the year with her.  Good times.  I know, by the way, that the old sister has a boyfriend because she has stopped posting incessant ‘your love will come along’, ‘I’ve been wronged’, ‘why doesn’t anyone love me’ platitudes on FB.  I wonder how long this one will last.  Guess I’ll just keep my eye on FB to find out!


What’s The Name Of That Song? October 29, 2015

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 8:00 am
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Hello?  Is it me you’re looking for?


Pretty sure I just got those lyrics wrong, but you get the gist. It’s been a while. A long while. It’s been a busy year. Busy with work, with friends, with ‘me’ things, with love. Oh wait, no, scratch that last one.

Although I’ve had a wonderful year involving some great memories with friends, buying a new house, buying a vacation property and other assorted festivities, the prospect of finding ‘my one’ has been futile at best. I think I’ve gone on a whopping 2 dates this year.

For some unknown reason I have kept my Match.com profile active all this time. I never log on and I constantly ignore the whole ‘update your profile daily to stay at the top of the pile of other singles when a search is done’. I figure, for now, if the right guy is out there, he’ll find me. Or not.

Every time I go to cancel my membership, those little devils offer me a great deal! Drat. I love a bargain. 3 months for the price of 1? Sure, why not. I held strong last week and when they offered me that 3 for 1 deal again, I happily hit the ‘no thank you, proceed with cancellation’. There. I did it. It was kind of a weight off my shoulders. I honestly don’t think that I’m going to find the guy for me online. I think I’m best appreciated in person. Or not. Anyway, I had decided to finish out the year just doing me, with no thoughts to online dating or meeting anyone. And then those suckers sent me a 50% off offer. Instead of paying $36.99 for 3 months via their 3 for 1 offer, they were now dangling the offer of 3 months for just $25. Really Match? You think you can appeal to my love of all things bargain? You think you can lure me back into the world of online dating and go against all that I had just decided? You think just because it would work out to a scant $7+ a month that I would want to remain on a site that has proven to be an exercise in futility? Ah, you know me so well…..

Who knows if I’ll actually put any effort into it this time around, but I have 3 whole months to find out….


Silver Tongued Devil July 5, 2015

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 7:00 pm
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Remember the guy that I went out with a few weeks ago and had a ‘meh’ time with?  The one that I kept making excuses not to see again and ‘forgot’ to respond to several text messages that he sent?  The one that repeatedly asked me to go out again yet never actually made a plan?  Yes, that one!  He’s also the one that I finally sent a text to saying that although I thought he was a nice guy and I enjoyed meeting him, that I didn’t feel that we were a good match.  I never heard back from him after I sent that one.  Until yesterday.  The 4th of July.  Where he sent me a stunningly eloquent text that consisted of ‘hi’.

Why on earth do people do this?


I Think I Can, I Think I Can…… June 24, 2015

I went out with a very nice man a couple of weeks ago.  We met for what turned out to be dinner.  I thought it was just going to be drinks, but whatever, a girl’s gotta eat, right?  He got there before me and texted to find out what I’d like to drink.  Very nice, right?  When I arrived he was already sitting and so was my drink.  Neither got up to greet me.  Hmmmm….. The cocktail was forgiven, but I think it’s just nice manners to stand and greet your guest.  Not a deal breaker as we just obviously were brought up differently, but it was in the file.

I sat down after a bit of an awkward delay (what?  I have never had someone NOT stand up to greet me before).  We talked easily.  He about his past relationships, his trust issues, his nomadic lifestyle and me about, well, not much.  I wanted to like him more than I did.  I just wasn’t attracted to him and didn’t think we had much in common.  Of course, this set my mind into overdrive wondering if it were one of those elusive situations where attraction grows the more you get to know someone.

We enjoyed a pleasant dinner and after about an hour and a half, we left.  He paid, so that was very nice.  He walked me to my car (again, very nice) and we parted ways.  He texted me later that night to say he had a good time and to ask if I would like to go out again.  I took a minute (or 300) to respond in that I wasn’t sure if it were worth it, but opted to give it a go.

I had a hugely hectic week, so it took almost 2 weeks in order to be able to schedule date #2.  That, in and of itself was a red flag for me because if I like a guy, I’ll do whatever it takes to make time to see them.  I didn’t feel the need, or desire, to do so with him. :-(

Our texts and phone conversations were always stilted and a bit awkward.  The ‘flow’ never seemed to improve.  He made a few awkward attempts to flirt with me via text (really?) and got a bit pouty when I didn’t pick up on it (truth be told, I DID pick up on it, just didn’t want to go there).  Anyway, about a week ago, he asked me if I’d like to go out on a date with him.  Strange considering he’d already asked, but I thought he was just being silly.  We decided on Thursday evening (tomorrow night).  A few days after that text conversation he asked me if I’d like to go out again.  Uhm…………. I sort of let it go and our awkward texts continued.  Until last night.  When he asked me if I’d like to go out.  WTH?  That would make 3 times that he’s asked me out for a 2nd date and 3 times that I accepted.  I responded last night with a ‘I thought we had plans for Thursday?’  To which he didn’t respond.

Another red flag is that I didn’t care that he didn’t respond when normally I would be over thinking the shit out of something like that.  Anyway, I woke up this morning and decided that it wasn’t fair to him to keep this going in order for me to ‘see’ if I could ever see myself with him.  I sent a very nice text letting him know that although I thought he was a terrific guy, that I just wasn’t sure that we were a good match, but that I really enjoyed meeting him.

He sent back a lovely message wishing me well, letting me know how much he enjoyed meeting me and sort of signing off pleasantly.  Oh wait, that didn’t happen at all.  He just never responded.

I can’t make myself like someone just because they like me, right?


One Potato, Two Potato, Three Potato, NO June 22, 2015

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 7:02 pm
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So I had a ‘meet and greet’ tonight.  Ugh, I hate that I have succumbed to online dating terminology and now call 1st ‘dates’ ‘meet and greets’.  Sounds so lame.  Anywhoo, we were to meet for happy hour at a place on my side of town.  He would be what is commonly referred to as ‘geographically undesirable’ as he lives across town.

He’s 6’6″ and looked to be a bit lacking in the hair department, so I didn’t think I’d have much trouble finding him (especially since I picked up my new ultra retro cat eye glasses today).  Little did I know that Monday night at this particular place must be half price if you resemble Mr. Clean.  The bar was filled with shiny topped tall men!  As I don’t mind a nice bald head, I had no issues with this at all.  As I looked around, I saw several that I was hoping were my date; I mean my meet and greet.

Sadly, my life is not a fairy tail and the one who stood up and approached me was not on my list of hopefuls.  He was nice enough, but I’m fairly certain he lied about his age (by at LEAST 10 years).  How un-surprising in the world of online dating.  We grabbed a table and sat and although I knew right off the bat that this was going to go absolutely nowhere, I didn’t want to be rude so made some chit chat, ordered a beer to his coke and proceeded to ask him a multitude of questions about himself so he wouldn’t be able to ask me any.

About 20 minutes in and after what was probably our 3rd uber awkward silence, I decided I was going to let him know that although I thought he was a very nice man and that I hoped he found someone terrific, I just didn’t think we were connecting.  He obviously had the same idea in that he kinda cut me off, said that he didn’t think we were a match and practically made a bee-line for the door.  Uhm, okay.  I was going to be polite about it at least.

As there was some terrific people watching there, I opted to stay, finish my beer and hang out for a bit.  When the waitress asked if I was doing okay, I said ‘sure, however I just had one of the quickest  and ill fated dates of my life’.  She said she was so sorry and ran away.  Really?  Even waitresses run from me now too?  A minute later she returned with a shot for me.  A yummy little grape concoction that she said was a ‘house shot’ that they offer complimentary for just such occasions.  Very sweet.  We laughed a bit, I thanked her very much and she said she hoped someone would do the same for her.  I totally would!  If I worked in a bar, that is.

Anyway, as I sat there with my shot and looked around the room, I seriously, for the umpteenth time, considered quitting this whole online dating thing and just going back to hanging out in bars (for happy hour, of course, as I’m old now). ;-) Or just growing old alone ………… *sigh*


How To Plan For Vacation June 5, 2015

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 12:01 pm
Tags: , , ,

Before you go getting all excited for me and my ‘awesome’ vacation, don’t.  It’s a family function.  And I have been guilted into attending.  Yey me.  Not.

Anyway, un-fun vacations require the same preparations as fun ones.  Pack.  Clean the house.  Arrange for Dog Sitters.  Wash sheets & Towels.  Respond to all e-mails.  Clean out the fridge.  Pack xanax.  Okay, I don’t actually have any of that, but might not be a bad investment prior to the next family non-fun-fest.

Most important of the preparations however is to update all 527 dating profiles online.  Okay, so there’s only 3.  3 that I haven’t logged onto in almost 2 weeks.  Aside from yesterday when I started chatting with a seemingly good guy who is moving here with his family next month.  Or so he says.  Anywhoo, I logged onto the sites, changed a punctuation mark or 2 in order to move my profile to the top of the heap and will now sit back and wait for all the communications from appropriate and wonderful men to roll in.

Or not.  I guess we’ll see when I get back!



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