43 & Single – Heaven Help Me, I've Resorted To Internet Dating!

Ridiculous & Random Stories & Thoughts on My Experiences

Facebook Reveals August 25, 2016

I always joke that I thought Facebook is the root of all evil.  Now I’m pretty certain that it IS!  Did you know that if someone who is NOT your friend sends you a message on there that it gets put in some top-secret hidden file and you never get a notification?  Neither did I.  Until last night when I happened upon it by accident.  I mean a serious accident, as today I can’t even remember how to get back to it.

Awaiting me inside this top-secret file were messages from people dating back 5 years!  WTF Facebook?! One of which, dated in 2012, was from an ex of TD.  You remember TD, right?  The man who I convinced myself was ‘my one’.  The one that convinced me that I was his ‘one’ for all of a week.  The one that lead me on for more than a year?  The one that inspired several years of self-doubt, angst, sadness, tears and more than any reader’s share of whiney, woe-is-me posts?  Yeah, that one.

So I find this message and know exactly who it’s from.  I read it.  It was lengthy and well thought out.  I believe it was written in the spirit of warning me and hoping that I wouldn’t put myself through what he put her through (when actually I put myself through years when she was smart enough to leave after 2 months).  It was detailed and full of fun facts.  Of course, by fun facts I mean really insulting and humiliating things that TD had told her (and presumably many others) about me.  How there was never anything romantic between us.  How he only kept me as a ‘friend’ because I was ‘needy’ and he felt bad telling me to go away.  How the summer he invited me to vacation for a week with his kids and he, that he really didn’t invite me, but I just sort of showed up last-minute (funny, that’s what he told me about her).  It illustrated his deceit and misogyny.  And sort of broke my heart all over again that he really did speak so disrepectfully and dishonestly about me.  Everything she told me ‘fit’.  I believe it all to be true.

I defended this man for years and made more excuses for him than anyone deserves.  It took me YEARS to get to where I am now regarding him (which still wasn’t 100% but was a shit-ton better than it was).  To read confirmation of some of my biggest fears regarding him was surreal.  To read it 4 years late was heartbreaking.  For me, my friends, you and basically anyone who had to deal with my incessant whining and descent into annoyance over the years.

Can you imagine where I’d be today if I had actually known about and read this message 4 years ago when it was written?!?!  How many years of self doubt, questioning, angst, sadness, neurosis and all around craptasticness could have been avoided?  Yeah, me either.

Fuck you Facebook.  Fuck you.

Oh, and fuck you too TD.  I hope karma kicks your ass!

 

 

That’s Not The Ending I Wrote…. April 16, 2016

Filed under: dating,I suck,internet dating,online dating,single — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 2:21 pm
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One of these days you’re going to check in to find a post about a wonderful date that I had with a man I met online and how bright our future looks together.  Today isn’t that day.

Today is the sad, sad update to this guy.  The one that I’ve seen all over town for the past year.  The one that my friend wanted to set me up with a year ago and I said no.  The one that I actually met in person the other night.

I went to a happy hour with one of my meetup groups and he was there!  Yey.  My chance to just walk up, introduce myself, make a cute reference to us both being Packers fans and viola’, love would bloom from there.  Unfortunately, that’s not what really happened.  The second he got there he started speaking with the ex boyfriend of one of my best girlfriends.  As that relationship didn’t end well, let’s say that he’s not one of my biggest fans.  Super.  I did manage to walk over and introduce myself, but that was it as the daggers that my friend’s ex was shooting me via his look was a bit uncomfortable.  Okay, I made contact and now I’d just wait for the swooning (on his part) to start.  It didn’t.  He ended up hanging with ex-bf the entire evening, so I left.  Boo.

As will happen when I’m bored stiff, I logged onto POF the next day.  And guess who came up in my ‘swipe left/right’ thing?  Mr. Packer’s Fan!  Fine.  I’ll bite the bullet and send him a short message.

Me:  Hi Mr. Packer’s Fan, I met you last night at happy hour.  You wrote a terrific profile and it sounds like we have a lot in common!  We could compare (referenced in his profile) gadgets sometimes.  Anyway, I hope you’re having a great day.  As you came up in my matches today, I just thought I’d say ‘hi’.

Of course, my anticipated outcome would be for him to pick up where I left off and indeed suggest meeting up to compare gadgets.  Or to make reference to something in my profile.  Or write anything to continue the dialogue.  What I got instead was this:

Him:  Hi Grey Goose, it was nice meeting you last night.  I’ll be sure to keep my eyes out for you at the next happy hour.

Huh.  Although pleasant enough, he may as well just have written ‘I’m not interested’.  Boo.  No clue how guys do it all the time.  What a crappy feeling!

 

 

Anyone Need A Pen Pal? April 8, 2016

Filed under: dating,internet dating,online dating,single — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 1:32 am
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As it’s 1:10am and I’m still wide awake thanks to my screwed up back, I figured I’d fill you all 2 in on my latest and greatest dating experiences.  Now, to be clear, by ‘greatest’ I mean that I’m not actually ready to throw myself off of the highest building that I can find.  Yet.

I’d like to tell you that I messed up my back dancing on a bar, running from date to date, traveling the world or, for those of you that have been reading my drivel for a while and not yet thrown your own selves off of a high building, riding a shiny new bike, but alas it’s nothing fun like that.  It’s because I’m apparently old.  And falling apart.  Lucky man who gets this package!

Anywhoo, I’m still sort of on POF.  By sort of, I mean I check in every blue moon to see what stellar prospects are awaiting my attention.  This evening morning, it was a man who lives 4 states away, a lovely 67 year old gentleman and a man who may have written the world’s most defensive and negative profile essay ever.  Oh, the choices.

I seem to be collecting pen pals though.  While I’ll never understand why men just want to text back and forth forever, when I have nothing better to do I’m happy to play along.  The gentleman that texted me out of the blue about a month ago is still messaging me.  Today, when he asked how my week has been, I responded in kind and asked how his has been.  He said it’s been great and that he’d been on a couple of dates.  Uhm, okay.  Weird that he would write that, but as I’m in no way invested in this, I just chalked it up to his being a bit of a doof (read: dumbass).  I replied with ‘I hope your dates were terrific and you’ve met some nice women’.  Not sure if he thought I’d be jealous or what, but I wasn’t.  If he wants to play the friend card, then so will I.  He responds back wanting to know if WE will ever meet.  I say ‘I assume so, you’ve just not asked’.  And just like that a date was made.  Well, at least a flurry of ideas for our big meeting were exchanged.  Some ideas were better than others.  I declined the ‘skinny dipping in the ocean’ (not the least of the reason being that we live in a land-locked state).  I guess we’ll see.

On an equally lengthy strand of text messages I have the man who never responded back after I sent him that selfie.  Against all I stand for, I refrained from sending him a shitty, passive-aggressive text letting him know how crappy I thought it was that he timed his ‘exit’ to my sending a pic that he requested.  Anywhoo, I heard from him a few days later.  No reference to the selfie and wanting to know how I’ve been.  Odd.  So we’re still texting, but it’s really going nowhere.  When I think about it, his ‘pattern’ of communication leads me to believe that he’s already seeing someone or *gasp* married.  Lucky me.  Then again, I could be wrong and he just goes to bed really early and only is allowed access to his phone between the hours of 8am and 2pm.  It could happen……..

And that, my friends, is my middle of the night update on my less than exciting dating experiences!  You’re welcome🙂

 

 

A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words… April 2, 2016

Filed under: dating,internet dating,online dating,single — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 6:56 pm
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My ever dwindling ego continues to do so thanks to online dating.  I’ve been messaging and texting back and forth with a seemingly cute, tall and nice guy.  I liked his profile, thought his pictures were attractive and he could spell.  What more could a gal ask for?  I assume he liked my profile and photos as well.  I’m good about pictures, I make sure to put face shots, full body shots (no, no alcohol included) and always have at least 4 posted at any given time and update them.

I sort of find it annoying when guys ask for more pictures.  Hello?  If they think the pics I have up are outdated or not accurate, don’t they think I’d be smart enough to send the additional requested pic that was equally outdated?  I may take it wrong when guys ask for more pictures as I assume they want to ‘double check’ that I look how I look.  Why else would they want them?

When I told him that I didn’t have any on my phone to send him, he asked for a selfie.  Ack!  I not only hate selfies but am incapable of taking a good one.  I’m always so worried about getting a good shot and concentrating on looking in the right area that I always have this weirdly painful looking smirk.  And I mean always.

Anywho, as he seemed nice enough and did send me un-requested selfies of himself, I figured I’d bite the bullet and send one.  Mind you it took me ALL damn day to get one that I felt was shareable.  So I sent it.  And put the caption that this was as good as my selfie-challenged abilities got and adding that I hoped he had a great day.

And that was yesterday.  And I never heard back.  Sure he could have dropped his phone in the toilet or was so impressed and amazed by my stunning beauty that he is still trying to formulate a non stuttering response, but I’m just guessing that he didn’t like what he saw.  Which, to be clear, is pretty much exactly what I have posted online.  Ouch.

 

 

 

 

Universe Shcmooniverse, Just Delete Contacts In Your Phone…. March 12, 2016

Filed under: dating,internet dating,online dating,single — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 1:43 pm
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So everyone says that you ‘find it when you’re not looking’.  Honestly, I kinda want to smack the shit out of those people.  It’s annoying.  I even had a friend go so far as to tell me over brunch one day that I was still single because I had an ‘agenda’ and was ‘looking’ too hard.  What?  I have no agenda and if the fact that I have a half assed dating profile online is considered looking too hard, then I don’t know what to do about that.  She said that I just need to leave it up to the universe.  To sit back and it would find me.  She also said that I need to wear more form fitting clothes.  Considering she dresses a bit like a high class hooker, I let that one go.

I attempted to explain to her that being ‘open and hopeful’ regarding finding someone and ‘having an agenda’ are two completely different things.  She wasn’t listening.  Whatever.  I know she meant no harm, but the way she said it was just so condescending and annoying.  She’s lucky I didn’t throw my eggs benedict at her.

Best part of all this?  Unbeknownst to me, she hired a matchmaker!!!!  Way to leave it to the universe.

Okay, moving on.  Last night I opted to clean out the contacts in my phone.  When I list guys from online into my phone I usually put their 1st name, which website they’re from (remember that I’ve been on many over the years) and some sort of identifier.  For those of you keeping track, last night I deleted 8 Johns, 3 Pauls, 2 Toms, 4 Davids and a few other assorted names.  If I couldn’t even picture who they were or when we conversed, they got deleted.

Not 2 minutes after I did that I received a text from an unknown number saying ‘Hi Grey Goose, I hope that you’ve been well.  Are you still single and dating?’  How amazingly random is that timing?  As I assumed that it was someone that I had just deleted, I wrote back that I was fine and saying that I wasn’t sure who this was as I had just cleaned out my phone.  He sent back that it had been a while, that I may not remember him and gave me his name.  Still wasn’t sure as there were 2 guys I sort of remembered with his name and I still had to figure out which one he was.

Being the smart cookie that I am, I figured it out.  And remembered why we had never met previously.  We had had one phone conversation in which I don’t think we clicked and he didn’t seem over his ex yet.  I certainly wasn’t going to go down that road ever again, so I opted out of meeting.  We texted back and forth for a while and he wants to meet up now, but I’m not sure.  I guess we’ll see.  Until then, the ‘good morning’ text messages have begun.

Want to know the most random thing of all about this?  This is the 2nd time this has happened!  Last time I deleted a bunch of names from my phone, I got a text from an unknown number who happened to be a different guy from online.  So weird.  Maybe the universe has some sort of notification system when a prospect gets deleted from your phone?

 

 

Now Where Did I Put That? February 28, 2016

Filed under: dating,internet dating,online dating,single — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 7:16 pm
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I guess I should take it as a huge reminder of how long it’s actually been since I’ve written a post by the fact that I couldn’t actually remember the name of my blog.  Huh.  Then again, could just be early onset senility.  Lucky you; I finally remembered (by having to look it up on my phone app).

The sad fact that I started writing this blog at the age of 43 and am still looking for my ‘one’ 5 loooooooong years later is a little disconcerting and might have something to do with my memory glitch.  Boo.

Why am I posting, you may ask?  Well, that’s because I’ve gone back online.  Again.  Although I joke about it being a hopeless endeavor, I do truly believe that my special someone is out there and that it’s my responsibility to put myself out there to look for him as his Grey Goose compass is apparently broken and he hasn’t been able to find me.  Yet.😉

I’ve decided to change things up in the way I go about this. Yes, again.  We all (well, the 2 of you that are probably left reading) know that I’ve tried every single dating site to varying results.  As I’m presently pissed at the Match.com gods for not cancelling my membership as I asked them to, those losers have been renewing me, every month, at a ridiculous cost.  When I called to talk to them, they were less than pleasant.  I’m going to teach them a lesson by never ever using them again.  Yeah, I know, but it makes me feel better to think that they will not only notice my absence, but miss me.

I’m not excited enough about online dating again to pay the big bucks for E Harmony (yet).  Chemistry.com was horrible.  Although Our Time was okay for a bit, I don’t think that there are any new faces on there.  I know, I know, I’m one to talk as they probably think the same thing.  Why is she still on here?  At least I update my pictures. (hint, hint people who have had the same photos up for the last 5 years)

I would rather stab my eyes out with a blunt object than try JDate again.  Tinder is just, well, ewwwww.  Then there’s POF.  Loving known by me as ‘plenty of freaks’, ‘plenty of fools’ and several other less than positive nicknames.  Then again, it has been 6 years since I’ve been on there.  And it’s free.  Or at least used to be….

I’m trying to un-Einstein my process.  You know, the one where you keep repeating the same behaviours and expecting different results?  Putting this theory into action has prompted me to go on one of the sites that I haven’t used in years. Yes, you guessed it!  I put a profile up on Plenty of Fish yesterday.  As far as I can tell so far,  the site’s sole purpose is getting you to upgrade from their free version to their payed version.  Annoying.  I thought their main priority would be to match people up.  My bad.

Anywhoo, in the past 24 hours, I’ve gotten many messages.  From gentlemen 20 years my senior, from gentleman who aren’t looking for anything serious and, my most favorite, from someone wanting to know if I liked younger submissive men.  There have been several men on there whose profiles and pictures I’ve liked, but of course, I need to upgrade in order to contact them.  It’s as if you can only contact, and be contacted by, the dregs unless you pay to upgrade.  While I’m not the cheapest person in the universe, I do find it annoying that I can’t upgrade for just one month to see how I like it.  I have to upgrade for a minimum of two.  I’m not ready to make that commitment yet…..

I’ve been messaging with one gentleman who e-mails as if he was texting.  He seemed nice enough but very stingy with sharing anything about himself.  I went back and re-read his profile and what do you know?  I’d never actually read it before.  It was defensive and negative and basically said that he wasn’t going to write anything personal on there as women just use those details to weed him out.  Uhm, it’s online dating dude.  Sadly, it also said that he was ‘looking for someone who wasn’t materialistic and likes to live simply’.  While I don’t consider myself materialistic and could actually live a very simple life, this usually means that they’re unemployed.  As he had asked me what I do for a living, I asked him the same.  What do you know?  He’s currently ‘between jobs’.  This isn’t a complete deal breaker for me, but knowing what his previous job was (and I use the term job instead of career because, well, it was just that), I wonder.

I’ll keep you posted!

 

Loaded Questions…… December 18, 2015

Filed under: dating,internet dating,online dating,single — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 8:19 pm

I got a message today from someone that looked vaguely familiar.  Not so familiar that I think I’ve actually met him before, but familiar enough so that I’m pretty sure we’ve ‘conversed’ online in the past.  He has a very unique screen-name.  It’s not dirty, it’s more of a head scratcher.

His introductory message to me (this time around) was : “can I ask you a question”.  Uh, as anyone who has online dated before, that could mean absolutely anything is headed your way.  A fabulous compliment would be the best case scenario, but being as people feel quite entitled to write whatever they want when hiding behind a keyboard, it could very well be something insulting, filthy or just plain annoying.  Am I really willing to take that risk?  Of course I am!

With trepidation I wrote back ‘sure’.  After I sent it, I read through his profile and it expounds on how godly he is, what a good Christian he is, how wholesome and upstanding he is and other assorted bible thumping tidbits.  He also says that he is looking for a god-fearing woman (not me), someone who doesn’t drink (not me), someone who doesn’t go to bars (not me) and a few other little gems that, if he had bothered to actually read my profile, absolutely don’t describe me.

About 2 seconds later he sends back ‘give me your number’.  WTF?!  No good could come of this……… I politely wrote back that I don’t give my number to people online right off the bat.  He wrote back ‘oh, well, what do you want to know’.  Uhm, not much at this point, to be honest.  None of his messages were polite or even engaging.  I guess I could write back ‘your name would be a good start’ and see where it goes from there.  Then again, I could just not respond at all …….. decisions, decisions……..

 

 
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