43 & Single – Heaven Help Me, I've Resorted To Internet Dating!

Ridiculous & Random Stories & Thoughts on My Experiences

Full Moons, New Moons and Teddy Bears February 19, 2015

Filed under: dating,dinner out,internet dating,online dating,TD — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 8:42 am

So last night was dinner with the girls.  Not MY girls, mind you, but TD’s daughter and her 2 best friends.  Who invited ME to dinner.  I thought we had agreed to just meet at the restaurant, but when I double checked, I was asked to pick them all up at TD’s house.  Er……….. okay.  It’s so very lame that I sit on the curb, in my car, and text that I’m there and to come out.  I wouldn’t appreciate that if it was done to me and although it’s not a proper date, I have always felt odd and fairly rude for doing so.  I decided, on the drive over to pick them up, that after a year of doing this, I would just go up to the front door and ring the bell like any civilized human being would do.  Even if TD was home.  Even if TD was home with ‘her’.  Chances were, he wouldn’t answer the door anyway and if he did, I would just say hello and if ‘she’ was there, I would introduce myself and be done with it.  The ridiculous amount of drama surrounding my mere existence is just stupid and I’d like to put an end to it.  As it turns out, I didn’t have to introduce myself to anyone as TD wasn’t home.

I walked into the kitchen and there the girls were waiting for me.  With a big ole’ box of truffles.  And a darling teddy bear.  And even a plant!  They were going to get me roses but had seen on FB (the root of all evil), that I had gotten roses for myself (’cause that’s just how I roll), so they got me this cool plant that matches the colors in my house and is supposedly (and hopefully) hard to kill.  How sweet is that?!  Totally unexpected and absolutely unnecessary, but very much appreciated.  We chatted for a bit and then off to dinner we went.

We sat and talked and laughed for 3 hours!  Some might find it odd that a 47 year old could even enjoy the company of 3 19 & 20 year olds for 3 hours (much less they enjoy mine), but I did.  And they did.  And when the check came, they practically wrestled me to the ground to pay.  I had always intended on paying for everyone.  The mere invitation alone was enough of a gift, but nope they insisted.  Such a great night!

As a lovely random weird uncomfortable interesting aside, we had switched tables twice in the bar (they like sitting in there, so who am I to argue) and we were joking about the tables we had yet to try out and all the empty bar stools left to sit on.  There were a few people at the bar; an older couple enjoying happy hour, a man in a red t shirt with his back to us about 2 feet away, a group of younger people.  You know, the random rockin’ happy hour crowd on a Wednesday evening at 6pm.  As we’re all chatting away we hear ‘huh, fancy meeting you all here’.  To look up and see ……………. TD.  He was the guy in the red t shirt sitting all of 2 feet from us for the last 20 minutes.  He didn’t see (or hear) us and we didn’t see him.  Even with the table switching and me getting up to get menus for everyone.  I walked past him 3 times and had no clue.  He chatted for a bit and we invited him to have a seat but he was on his way out.  Apparently he had forgotten that his daughter had told him we were going there for dinner.  Or not, who really knows.  He was wrapped up in paperwork of some kind so wasn’t paying attention to his surroundings (he did mention that the bartender knew exactly what he wanted to order before he sat down, so he’s obviously a regular (no judgment, just efficient I say) way to go Norm).  No hugs, no awkward silences, no stomach flips.  It’s been almost 6 months since I’ve seen him I think.  He looks good.  As always.  I looked okay myself.  When he was done chatting he said he needed to go and said goodbye to the girls.  And to me.  And then chucked me on the arm right before walking away.  Uhm, okay…. buddy…… way to end a non awkward moment a bit awkwardly.

 

And A Shitty Day Gets a Last Minute Bright Spot February 13, 2015

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 9:53 pm

2 posts in 1 day?  WHAT?!?!?  So this will be an odd post.  Yeah, I know; like most of mine aren’t, right?  It’s not really about dating, or about my being a whiny baby.  Or about my woe-is-me love life.  Okay, well, it is, but there’s more!

So after I posted my last pathetic dissertation on my day, I decided to hop onto OkStupid to check messages.  What could be better than digging through multiple online messages that say ‘hi’ or ‘you’re hot’ or ‘are you a good girl’ (that was my favorite if by favorite, I meant most disgusting) when you’re already feeling a bit down on yourself, right?  So I’m weeding through messages when a new one pops up.  And then another.  And to my absolute horror, I discover that somehow my ‘chat’ feature was on!  WTF?!  I HATE chat.  It creeps me out beyond belief.

As I was already pretty much creeped out anyway, I played along.  With 3 different guys.  One turned out to be a total tool *insert look of surprise here*, one was kinda ‘meh’ and one was, to say the least, a bit challenging to get any information out of.  Like pulling teeth difficult.  It was weird.  He’d write 1 sentence responses and sort of talked/wrote in circles.  2 of them asked for my phone number and 1 asked to meet (the tool, of course).  As I am attempting to be a bit smarter online this time around (smarter = realizing it’s not really worth it to jump in and meet for a drink until I’m sure I won’t want to stab them with a blunt object).  I said I don’t give out my number right away (ha) and asked to keep it to messages for a bit.  Surprise surprise, all aside from the tool were okay with that.  Will I end up meeting any of them?  Uhm, probably not.  The tool has already been shut down.  The shady one has been filed away for a rainy day.  The only possibility was a-okay with not taking things off line.  At least it kept me occupied for a while.

Well that killed about 2 hours out of my jam packed and uber exciting Friday night.  Sadly, when I signed off, I was still bemoaning everyone being on their way to ‘happily ever after’ and me being on my way to being the canine version of the crazy cat lady.  Boo.

I had been texting throughout the night with various friends so didn’t think much when my notification went off.  Until I saw who it was.  It was someone who has NEVER initiated going to do something.  It was someone who has NEVER asked me to dinner.  It was someone who wanted to bring 2 of their friends who I also love dearly and haven’t seen in over a year and miss seeing.  Nope, not a prospect.  Not even a guy for that matter.  It was TD’s daughter!!  I know this sounds lame, but I got a bit teary.  I have always been worried that I was sort of initiating everything and she was just going along so I wouldn’t feel bad.  I knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that if I stopped initiating things with her, that I’d never hear from her again.  I guess I was wrong.  I haven’t seen her in about a month and didn’t get to see her today when I was over as she had already left for work.  Needless to say, receiving her text thanking me for the Valentine’s Day present and inviting me to dinner with her 2 best friends absolutely made my day!!

 

What Not To Do The Day Before Valentine’s Day

Filed under: dating,I suck,internet dating,online dating,single,TD — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 5:20 pm

How did I spend my Friday, you ask?  Oh, you didn’t?  Well too bad, I’m going to tell you anyways.  I made the rounds of old boyfriends and old, whatever the hell TD was categorized as.  Not my most brilliant move.  Didn’t even really occur to me today what I was doing until I found myself, sitting on my bed and staring at the ceiling feeling uber sorry for myself.

I went to see ex bf #1 for very valid reasons.  We are friends.  He was very sweet to me during the recovery from my horrendous surgery last year.  He watches my dogs for me.  I watch his.  We haven’t dated for probably 7 or 8 years, but we’re still in contact and that’s a-ok with his new live in love.  They are very happy together and I’m happy (ish) for them.  I went over today to check on him as he just went through something pretty difficult.  We chatted a bit, I dropped off some food for him.  He gave me some supplies for my dogs and that was that.  He’s on his way to happily ever after and I’m on my way to………..i don’t know. :-(

Next stop was to take TD’s kids’ Valentine’s Day presents.  Yes, I know, they’re too old for that, but it makes me happy to do it, so I do.  As TD had already announced that he was headed to Vegas today, I assumed he had already left when his son told me to come over any time before 3pm today.  So I did.  And I walked up and rang the front doorbell.  A seemingly innocuous thing, but something I haven’t done in over a year.  I usually wait in my car, on the curb, for the kids and text them to come out.  I don’t want to make TD feel uncomfortable (or myself), so I just never get out of my car.  Anyway, his son his son’s girlfriend greeted me and told me to come in as no one was home (TD or ‘her’) and so I did.  We sat in the kitchen and chatted, I looked at a calendar that TD’s daughter had ordered for him full of pictures from last year.  Sorry, full of pictures of he and ‘her’ from last year.  Yeah, that kinda hurt.  Anyway, as I was leaving I saw a suitcase in the hallway and asked what it was doing there.  Apparently TD hadn’t left for Vegas yet after all, but most likely went screaming out the door when he heard I was coming over.  I immediately felt totally uncomfortable and said I needed to go as I had assumed (yes, well aware of what they say about assuming and yes, I felt like a huge ass) TD was already gone.

Driving home it made me sad to realize that TD does that every time I’m coming to the house.  Even though I never get out of the car, he makes a point to not be there.  Whether he does that for his sake or mine, I don’t know.  Makes me feel like shit though.  I go out of my way to steer clear and not cause waves, yet I always seem to be accused of causing waves.  Anywhoo, as I was driving home, I imagined TD coming home and getting pissed that I was inside the house.  In order to try to avoid a nastygram coming my way (or at least that’s what I told myself), I sent a quick text saying that I was sorry I missed him at the house and to have a great weekend in Vegas.  To which I got no response.  Go figure.

So basically, as I was laying in bed staring at the ceiling and bemoaning my single status, I had to face the hard fact of the matter that despite all the mean hearted things he’s said to me over the past year (2 really), I still have some pretty big issues regarding him.  As in, I might want him back.  Not that I ever had him, mind you, but I want to try.  Again.  Feel free to virtually bitch slap me for just posting that.

Disclaimer: I know that although I may want to ‘see’ again, I’m not stupid enough to think that he does.  Despite it all though, I’m pretty damn sure that if both ‘she’ and I were trapped in a burning building and he could only save one of us, it would be me.  Just another delusion to add to the pile…….. I will continue to try and navigate the uber defeatest world of online dating and really try to figure out if it’s him that I really want back, or that I just want someone.  Not ‘anyone’, mind you, but ‘someone’.  Someone damn special……..

Don’t you just love when I get all introspective and pathetic?

 

Just When I Was About To Lose Hope…… February 12, 2015

Filed under: bad dates,dating,internet dating,online dating,single — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 8:55 pm

Again.  Easy to do when trying to traverse the shit storm that is online dating.  I swear, I was telling a friend who lives in another state about my experiences in just the past 2 weeks and she was amazed.  Said that guys in her town were nowhere near as flakey or time-wastey (yes, I know, I made that word up).  I told her the 1st part of the following story so that she could Pollyanna the crap out of it and assure me that he was a man of his word.  Yey!

Anyway, as I was going through my pile of printed out profiles (what? how else am I supposed to be able to keep everyone straight?) and putting notes in the margin as to likes, dislikes, key words, reasons they never made it to date #1, etc…. I came across the profile of a guy who seemed uber nice that I had chatted with, briefly online, 2 weeks ago.  He had asked for my phone number and then promptly fell off the face of the earth without using it.

I had no hopes of ever hearing from him again and was okay with that.  I was wondering, though, why someone would do that.  Me being me, I figured I’d just ask.  And not in the snarky text message kinda way I did to the stupid guy from last week. The worst that could happen is that he’d ignore me.  No biggie. There was always the chance that he would respond though and give me just a tiny bit of insight into the male online dating psyche.

Here’s what I sent:

“Hi xxxxxxx.  I hope you’ve been well.  I am fascinated by the whole mindset behind internet dating.  If you don’t mind, I’d like to ask you a question and it would be great if you would take the time to fill me in.  Why would you ask for my phone number and then never use it?  I know there are a million reasons and everyone is allowed to change their mind, but as we seemed to have some things in common, I’m just wondering is all.  Thanks so much”

I didn’t expect to hear back and didn’t expect this contact to spark up any further interactions.  He surprised me though by responding within about an hour with this:

” Hi GG.  Good to hear from you.  Thank you for the message.  I felt bad about not calling you, but I had a 1st date the day that you gave me your number and I have a strict 1 person at a time when online dating rule.  As of Saturday, however, I’m back looking again but wasn’t sure if you still wanted to hear from me.  I’m driving home from work, but will text you later tonight”

Hmmmmm, interesting.  Certainly didn’t expect that (or any) response, but I really can’t fault someone for being singular minded when online dating.  It was actually a bit refreshing to hear that when faced with the rampant ‘shiny ball syndrome’ mentality of newer, better, different online daters.  Maybe this guy IS a good one.

I wrote back:

“Hi xxxxx, thanks so much for responding.  I admire your one gal at a time rule, so can’t really fault you for not getting in touch.  I guess I’m supposed to say I’m sorry that your previous gal didn’t work out, but I’m not. ;-) Looking forward to hearing from you”

As is my ‘thing’ I 2nd guessed the line about the previous gal not working out as soon as I sent it, but assumed it would be taken in the spirit that it was meant.  That if things HAD worked out with her, then I wouldn’t get a chance to get to know him more.  I always forget that not everyone ‘gets’ sarcasm or that humor, when printed, doesn’t always translate well.  Against all that is me, I let those thoughts go and was actually looking forward to hearing from him last night.

Which………….*drum roll please*………… I didn’t.  What.  The.  Fuck.  Maybe it WAS the line I questioned in my response.  Maybe he got busy.  Maybe he never had any intention of getting in contact again.  Who knows.  Maybe he just wanted to absolutely prove my point about why guys say things that they don’t mean.  He successfully one upped everyone else.  He not only asked for my number and didn’t use it, but he assured me, a 2nd time, that he WOULD use it.  And then didn’t.  Well played, my friend, well played.

I think I’m past getting upset when things like this happen.  It’s just a part of the online dating world.  Everyday niceties get thrown out the window.  Is it too soon to start worrying about losing faith in all online dating men? ;-)

In other news, a very inappropriately aged and uber scruffy man hit on me at Home Depot on Tuesday.  Yey?  I think not….

 

Match.com & Finger Splints February 10, 2015

Filed under: bad dates,dating,interent dating,online dating,single,TD — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 11:31 am

For whatever reason (besides the fact that I’m 47 and never been married), most of my interest has come from OkStupid,  (hmmm, guess I should stop calling it that) and not from Match.  I have been contacted by a couple normal-ish seeming guys off of Match, so maybe it’s a less is more approach.  Who knows.  Anyway, along with this odd phenomenon is that neither guy, once they have obtained my phone number, have bothered to use it!  Kind of annoying.  Are they collectors?  Was there some freak accident in town where all men in possession of my phone number have suddenly lost use of their digits?  I’m a bit confused as to why someone would ask for a phone number and then seemingly change their mind.  And, before it’s suggested, I’ve googled my number before and there is nothing incriminating!

I did have a guy from OkStupid (maybe i’ll start calling it by it’s real name next week) ask for my number and then text me to ask my availability to meet up this week.  And never heard back.  Again, annoying beyond belief.

Here’s how it went:

Our last contact on the site was him asking my availability for this week and my telling him.  2 days later I got a text saying ‘Hi, it’s xxxxx from OkStupid, let me know when you’re available to meet for a drink’.  Uhm, didn’t I just tell you?  As I know men can be a bit ‘shiny ball syndrome-esque’, I let it go and sent back a cheery ‘Hi, xxxx, good to hear from you.  I’m free Monday, Tuesday or Wednesday as of now.  Let me know if any of these days work for you’.  To which I got in response……..crickets.  He never responded back.  WTF?  Does he have something against beginning of the week happy hours?  Did he drop his phone in the toilet?  Was his parole revoked?  Instead of wondering any longer, and as 4 days had already passed, I sent a quick follow up yesterday that went something like this:

“Hi xxx, I hope you had a great weekend.  I didn’t hear back from you so am left with 4 options: 1) you didn’t receive my text on Friday 2) you’re going for the record for longest response time 3) your wife came home from vacation early and frowns on you meeting women that you met online 4) you changed your mind.  Care to fill me in?”

#3 was my favorite.  I never really expected a response and didn’t much care anyway, and he didn’t disappoint on that front.  Nothing.  Why on earth do guys waste their own time, and mine, if they have no intention of following through?

Apparently I’ll be single for at least another week. ;-)

Oh, and in other news, I heard from TD yesterday.  He wanted to update me on a health issue going on.  Thought that was nice of him.  Then he managed to fit in that he and horse-face were going to Vegas this weekend.  Uhm, thanks for that.  All I did was send back ‘have fun’ and then wonder what the hell ever happened to his sensitivity gene……

It was certainly a Monday……

 

Week 2 Run Down February 8, 2015

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 2:28 am
Tags: , , , , ,

So you remember all the guys I listed from week one?  Off to a great start, huh?  Yeah, no.  I actually met one (yes, the coffee date that I invited my friend to).  Now they’re all off the list.  Either their fault or mine (probably more theirs though ;-)), they’re no longer options.  Some were flakey, some were rude, some were slackers, 2 were uber nice, but couldn’t pull it together enough to actually keep things rolling or *gasp* ask me to meet.

As I’ve adopted the ‘mirror’ route instead of the ‘chase’ route this go around, I am not going to be the one that suggests meeting.  Or keeps in touch when they don’t.  If we’ve got a good exchange going and then they disappear, I will check in once.  If I don’t hear back, then that’s that.  Looking back, I spent a LOT of time trying to ‘move things along’ in the past.  I did it with TD and probably did it with the 2 guys that I met and liked very much last year.  I don’t want to be the chaser.  I want to be the chase-ee!

So here we are, end of week 2 and I’ve written 2 very nice ‘I don’t think we’re a match’ messages and then sat back and waited for some sort of shitty response.  I never got one.  They were both very nice about it.  The 1st, who I thought had promise despite living in a VERY scary part of time, turned out to have huge issues with not being over his ex yet.  How do I know this?  Well that’s because he spent the 1st 25 minutes of our 1st phone call bitching about her.  When I pointed this out to him, he said ‘well, you asked’.  Uhm, no.  No I didn’t.

The 2nd I actually hated telling ‘no’ to as he seemed like a hugely sweet and thoughtful guy.  He has a very sketchy past though and although everyone deserves a 2nd chance and I don’t hold people’s pasts against them, his was sketchy for a long time and he’s only been on the straight and narrow for less than a year.  I can’t get involved with that.  Not at this point.  My inner ‘fixer’ wanted to jump all over that, but I think my ‘fixing’ days are over.  They never end well.  For me, at least.  He was a sweetheart though.

I might actually be meeting someone for a drink next week that seems very cool and seems to have a lot of the same outlooks and sensibilities that I do (smart, snarky, employed; you know, the important stuff).  He lives uber far from me, but I’m going to give it a shot anyway.  That is, if he manages to answer a text message within 10 hours. ;-)

To round things out I got a message for someone asking for my phone number.  I politely responded that I don’t give my number out right away and asked him a few innocuous questions.  His response was, in it’s entirety:  ‘up to you about the phone number, I’m not on here often’ (when in fact he always appears ‘online now’).  My next not so polite response was to say that unless he put some effort into writing me a message, he’d never get my number.  I also threw in that it would be nice if he actually bothered to tell me what his name is.  His response, and I shit you not, was ‘Tom.  Can I have your phone number’.  WTF?  Needless to say, I never responded back.  I have since gotten a wink, a ‘hi’ and a ‘like’ from him.  He’s either the dumbest man alive or computer generated.

I haven’t been online or put much effort into it this week, so I’ll try harder next week.  Maybe ;-)

 

Week 1 Line Up February 5, 2015

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 1:28 pm
Tags: , , , ,

As I know all (2) of you have been on the edge of your seats awaiting an update, here is a rundown of my 1st week being back online. And yes, everyone gets a nickname!

Edgy – short, bald, covered in tattoos, great chest and uber nice. His 1st message to me was awesome! Everything it should be. Cute, funny, specifically mentioned some things in my profile and I loved it. We’ve been texting back and forth and spoken on the phone a couple of times, but he seems kind of ‘fly by the seat of your pants’ than planner. I’m too old to not plan. No date set up yet, but he’s still fun to chat with.

Friar Tuck – had a great profile online. Exchanged some good e-mails and then progressed (ooooh) to texting. That, however, started to seem more questionnaire than conversation. Just didn’t flow. The questions just went on and on. No mention of meeting up and then he put the nail in his coffin. He actually complained that I was taking too long to respond to his text messages! Uhm, I work for a living. Oh, and then there was that part where the picture he sent me didn’t quite resemble the ones he has posted on line. Bye bye.

Sniper – nope, not because he has a razor sharp wit, but because he likes guns. Very sweet and complimentary. We met for coffee on Saturday morning and absolutely zero chemistry. So little that when a friend texted me that she was in the area, I told her to come meet us. Yes, I did. I suck. He’s very sweet, very kind, very funny and I hope he finds someone awesome. I’m just not her though.

Out of Towner – we scored pretty high as a match on the quizzes on OkStupid. Messages have been nothing spectacular, but he’s cute and young and seems to have his shit together. He is supposedly in town this weekend/week and he has my number. He just has yet to use it ….. no clue on this one.

Pretty Boy – not sure if his profile is real or not. He has a singular (very attractive) picture up, but could be a magazine stock photo, who knows. His ever so romantic and endearing 1st message to me consisted of ‘what business are you in’. Period. No greeting. No niceties. No name. I wrote back and equally concise ‘what business are you in’. I actually got 2 sentences in response but still no name. I then asked if he was ever going to tell me his name and he finally sent me a somewhat normal message. Still not sure that he’s not a 78 year old Asian woman in real life…. We’ll see. Or not.

Since I’m a week behind in posting this, you’ll just have to wait for the updates on what week #2 has brought me.  Including a recent parolee and a seemingly normal man who is apparently still very angry at his ex……

No prince charmings yet, but I’m not giving up!

 

 
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