43 & Single – Heaven Help Me, I've Resorted To Internet Dating!

Ridiculous & Random Stories & Thoughts on My Experiences

Cynical Much?! January 20, 2017

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 8:03 am

Honest to G-d, online dating attracts some of the shittiest people in the universe.  Before I could even meet Mr.Cut Off Communication, he turned into an ass.  As I will do for any ass-wipe who pisses me off, below is our exchange, word for word, after I checked in to make sure we were still on for our date.

ME: As I haven’t heard from you, I just wanted to make sure we were still on for Thursday at 7pm.  Looking forward to meeting you!

HIM: I am sorry but since there is such a high flake factor on these sites I don’t continue dialogue until we meet. if was not available I would let you know. We are still on for a drink or two to meet tomorrow at Blue Martini at 7 pm

ME:  Interesting, but I guess I get it. See you tomorrow at 7.

HIM:  I am sure you have other people you are seeing or planning to see. You appear to have any issue with my approach. I may suggest that you see the other men and see if you have a connection. Let me know otherwise if it does not work out for you on these other dates. I have told you I don’t like to date stack. I am open to seeing you but don’t want to waste your time or mine.

ME:  I can’t believe  you just sent that to me.  I have told you that I don’t ‘date stack’. However you don’t seem to believe me, pretty much calling me a liar. You need to be careful what you infer from a simple statement of ‘interesting, but I guess I understand’. You don’t seem to be a trusting person and obviously think the worst of people, so that probably won’t work. I was looking forward to meeting you, and only thought your ‘no communication without meeting’ was odd as you didn’t bother to tell me that that was your approach before doing it. You just didn’t respond to my last message and assumed I would figure out that was what you were doing? I might suggest that if you are going to cut off contact for whatever cynical reason, you should probably let the other person know.

Am I missing something?  What the hell did I do to deserve that ridiculous message?!!  Isn’t it polite to reconfirm a date so the other person is assured that they won’t get stood up?

 

Old Friends January 19, 2017

And by ‘friends’, I mean previously used online dating sites.  G-d help me.

I re-activated my profile in OkCupid (forevermore to be referred to as OkStupid for obvious reasons) after almost 3 years.  And wanted to kill myself within the 1st hour.  Not only was I inundated with messages from inappropriately young boys letting me know how sexy I am, but I received messages from guys I recognized.  Not that I had actually met any of them, but they had not changed a single profile photo in the last 3 years.  Way to keep it current guys!

I did receive a message from a guy who wrote a terrific, if overly sensitive, profile.  So I responded.  With one of my famous ‘you wrote a terrific profile’ and then referred to a detail he included so he knew I actually read his profile and didn’t just say that I did.  I got a response back letting me know that he thought I was very in touch with my feelings or some such bullshit as not a single syllable in my response was remotely touchy-feely.  Whatevs.  He explained that he wanted to meet as he didn’t like messaging back and forth forever.  Uhm, I guess 2 messages seemed excessive to him.  summoning my devil may care red hair mentality, I said sure.  As I knew what part of town he lived in, I picked a place in between us both and suggested it.  He countered with someone closer to him and further from me.  Uhm…….. I explained that I wasn’t familiar with the specific area but would test my navigational skills and he responded back with a somewhat petulant ‘okay, we’ll meet in the area that you suggested’.  Duh.  So we set a time and a day and that was that.  Literally.  Not one word since.

As I hadn’t heard from him in 2 days, I sent a quick ‘as I haven’t heard from you, I wanted to make sure we were still on for Thursday’.  He responds with a ‘yes, we are still on.  i would let you know if I couldn’t make it. Due to the flake factor on here I don’t communicate further with anyone until I meet them’.  Again, uhm……what?!  Cynical much?  Self fulfilling prophecy much?  Off-putting much?  Why yes, yes it is.  I am going to keep the date for tomorrow, but I will probably also feel the need to argue his philosophy on the cutting off contact cold turkey, with no warning, once a date is set.  Kinda weird.  Anywhoo, I guess I’ll let you know ………..

 

How Not To Date January 18, 2017

Filed under: bad dates,internet dating,online dating,single — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 10:34 am
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I don’t mean by not actually dating (which is what I have been perfecting lately).  I mean more along the lines of what NOT to say to your date upon meeting.

To everyone’s surprise, it wasn’t actually me that stuck my foot in my mouth last Monday.  Repeatedly.

He seemed nice enough on Bumble and offered to drive to my side of town, so why not?  I arrived to the location before him and was just inside the door when he showed up behind me.  I turned to give him a hug and had to bend down a bit.  Huh, although I state my height in my Bumble profile, apparently being 2 inches shorter than I am wasn’t an issue for him.  Okay, no biggie.  I dated someone who was 5’8″ when I was in my 20s.  He was a darling little hottie who just used to stand up on the curb while I stood in the street in order to kiss me.  But he was a cutie and uber sweet so his being vertically challenged didn’t faze me in the least.

Sadly (for me) my date last Monday wasn’t so blessed with manners.  We grabbed a table and started chatting.  Well, to be clear, he started chatting and never EVER stopped.  Within the 1st 20 minutes I knew all there was to know regarding his previous relationships (including 3 marriages), his job, his multiple side jobs, the screws in his knee, his cynicism regarding today’s youth, his love of Trump, his finances and just about every other detail that needed to be known by date #3.  Too bad it all took place in the 1st 20 minutes of date #1.

He never took a breath.  He also never asked me a single thing about myself.  However, he did manage to fit in multiple slams on me.

  1. While rambling on about the youth of today and how unwilling to work they are (generalize much?) he says ‘I have no idea what you do for a living, but …. blah blah blah’ …… uhm, you could ask.  Or actually read my profile where it does, in fact, state what I do.
  2. While telling me about wives number 1 through 3, he lets me know that he is usually attracted to twigs.  Okay.  Then he tells me about girlfriend number whatever who he dated for 3 years and says ‘I usually date such skinny women that I was surprised that I was attracted to someone your size’.  Uhm, what the fuck?!
  3. He made it clear that he thinks most women take advantage of the generosity of men and don’t actually have to work very hard as they are given everything.

There were more, but these were probably the top 3.  As he didn’t take a breath long enough for me to interject anything, I just sat there wide eyed.  I actually even thought for a millisecond that he might just be nervous and has an unfortunate way of stating things, so I kinda let it go.

Until I didn’t.  I’d had enough.  I told him that if he wanted to know what I did for a living, he was free to ask as most initial meetings involve an exchange of information   He did ask then.  And I told him, and he immediately turned the conversation back to him.

When he swung back around to dating petite women with big boobs, I explained that there was a probably a better way to relay his delving into the world of average sized women than by insulting the woman sitting across from him.  That he probably shouldn’t say ‘your size’ as it could be taken the wrong way.  He then told me that I was wrong about that.  Uhm, no, no I’m not.  As I’m the one sitting across from you and listening to the intonation in your voice, I absolutely think the comment was insulting.  Dumbass.

Best part of all?  He got PISSED when, after an hour and a half, I said to him that I wasn’t quite sure what to make of our interaction.  Before I could excuse myself and wish him a good night, he bellows ‘just go’.  My god!  I’ve never dealt with such a situation.  Still, just because he was an ass doesn’t mean I need to be too (I know, I know, but I’m evolving).  I went home with every intention to log into Bumble and say that it was nice (lie) meeting him and that I hope he finds someone terrific (another lie).  In the 2.5 minutes that it took me to get home, he deleted me.  Le sigh ……. not.  Did I mention he had dirty fingernails?  And before anyone bashes me, I’m all for blue-collar jobs and working with your hands (insert lewd 13-year-old boy humor here), but as he had the day off, it would have been nice if he’d have put in a little effort…

 

 

Social Experiment January 12, 2017

Filed under: bad dates,dating,I suck,interent dating,internet dating,online dating,single — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 1:43 pm

Yes, I’ve decided to conduct another one of my uber scientific social experiments.  And by uber scientific, I of course mean half-assed and not scientific in the least.  Don’t get too excited, it’s nothing like my less than brilliant idea to cram as many dates as possible into 1 week which ended in an exhausting carousel of 6 disappointing 1st dates in a 7 day time span.

This experiment happened more by chance than planning and it all started on new year’s day eve.  As I was hanging at my amazing vacation getaway and being surprisingly okay with just having celebrated yet another single new years (which I’ve since decided that I’m not actually all that okay with being single), I remembered something.  Something that I had thought about doing every year, right around new years.  Something that I never actually pulled the trigger on.  Something that I finally decided couldn’t be ‘that bad’, could it?  Famous last words.

I’m a 5’10” blonde woman.  That’s my identifier.  Well, besides my sparkling personality and quick wit.  I have a bit of grey, but it truly shows as highlights in my blonde hair and not grey.  I have a big chunky section of ‘grey’ that looks like a very cool and completely intentional highlight.  It’s not.  And I don’t care.  It never bothered me and still doesn’t.  It doesn’t look ‘grey’.  I don’t look old.  As a matter of fact, I’ve been told many times that I look nowhere near my age.  I choose to believe these nice comments as not one of the people was trying to sleep with me.  And really, even if they were lying, it’s still nice to hear.

So back to new years day eve.  Me, my dogs, my ocean view and ……… a very awesome looking box of ‘deep burgundy’ hair color.  What could go wrong with me dying my blonde hair to ‘deep burgundy’?  On my own, after a few cocktails.  So I did it.  I died my hair to this luscious looking shade of burgundy.  Or at least that’s how it looked on the box.  On me, well, not so much.  It’s more red than burgundy and more ‘look at me’ than subtle.  Eh, whatever.

Let’s see how long this lasts.  Even better, lets see if blondes DO have more fun than my red headed alter ego.  Being as I have set the bar fairly low the past couple of years, there’s a good chance that my ginger-self will win!  Stay tuned……

 

I Think I Mean What I Say….. January 9, 2017

Filed under: dating,internet dating,online dating,single — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 1:37 pm
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But then again, who knows.  It’s a woman’s prerogative to change her mind, right?  A post or 2 back I stated that I rang in the new year with friends.  That I was kiss-less.  That I was again, or more accurately still, single.  And that I was okay with that.  Guess what?  I’m not!!  Or at least not this week.

I’ve spent much too much time this week thinking about TD getting married.  About Repo Man having me as ‘plan B’.  About all the people who have been, or currently are, in a relationship and that annoying whiny voice that I thought had been put to rest has popped back up again wanting to know, ‘Why not me’?

Yes, I could have been married or engaged or whatever a few times over by now if I were willing to settle.  I think.  If I had made myself fit into the box that certain men wanted (didn’t mean that to sound dirty, but bonus that it did).  That if ‘good enough’ were in fact ‘good enough’.  I know this.  At least I think I do.  Who knows, maybe even if I did all these things, I’d still be single.  Gah!

It’s been much too long since I’ve been kissed.  That used to be one of my favorite things ever (besides a good hair pull, but that’s a whole other story) and who knows if I even remember how.  Hopefully it’s like riding a bike (you’re welcome those of you that ‘get’ that reference), which I am certain I have forgotten how to do.

I could go out today and find someone to kiss.  Or go bike-riding with.  But being the greedy gal that I am, I want it to mean something.  I’m far past my college days and meaningless hookups.  As fun as they were, they were just that.  Fun.  And boy did I have fun.  Lots and lots of fun.

I think the universe may be paying me back for my 20s …………

That being said, I have a new theory about PMG (possibly married guy)…………

 

 

Exciting News! January 4, 2017

Filed under: bad dates,dating,internet dating,single — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 8:20 pm
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No, not really, just wanted to see if you were paying attention.  I just got home from a much needed and very extended vacation in my ‘happy place’.  Did that sound dirty?  It wasn’t.  Although I wish it would have been.  Alas, no bike riding options.  Not that I even remember how to ride a bike, but I digress.

As today is my 1st official ‘reality’ day of 2017 back home (boo) it has been a fun filled day of doing laundry, going through a stack of mail that was the height of a small child and yes, fielding text messages from nothings gone by.

I texted with Repo Man a bit while I was away.  And by a bit, I mean for about an hour, once.  I also heard from presumed married guy before I left with an uber convincing ‘I’m going to visit my sister, so won’t be in touch, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year’.  Now, unless his sister lives in Antarctica, that shouldn’t prevent him from being in touch.  Being with his wife and kids and texting from his online volp internet number to look like a cel number from his laptop would however.

As I was driving home I got a text from PMG (get it? presumed married guy) wishing me a happy new year and saying he hopes he gets to meet me in a couple of weeks.  I think not.

Tonight I also got a text from Repo Man just checking in and wanting to know how I am.  As I last proclaimed that it didn’t bother me that I was ‘Plan B’ as I want to be his last date, not his 1st, I have had a change of heart.  I don’t want to be anyone’s Plan B!  I debated whether or not to respond at all and then being the strong and independent woman of 2017 and knowing full well that I shouldn’t be texting with someone who is dating someone else, I responded.  What?  You couldn’t possibly be surprised by that.

As I did wait 2 hours to respond, he was just walking into a meeting (no, not AA … I don’t think).  He sent a reply of ‘I have a lot of exciting news to share with you, so we’ll need to catch up soon; maybe by phone?’.  Uhm, nice teaser text.  What?  He’s engaged?  He’s in love?  He’s moving far, far away?  He’s decided he likes men?  He’s moving in with Plan A?  He’s dumped Plan A and has decided, sight unseen, that I’m the gal for him? He stubbed his toe?  He got a nose ring?  Yeah, guessing none of the above.   Guess I’ll have to wait for that ever elusive phone call …….as will the 2 of you.

 

What Time Is It? January 2, 2017

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 12:28 pm

It’s time for another one of my sappy, introspective end of year (well beginning of year, as the case may be) wrap ups.  You know, the ones where I bemoan my life; the fact that I am single; the fact that I’m not where I always imagined I’d be.  The one where I whine and wax poetic about lost loves (or at least one lost love).  Yeah, one of those gems.  You’re welcome!

The thing is, I’m good.  Nope, I’m not where I thought I would be.  I’m still single.  I’m still a bit envious of those that ‘have it all’.  But the difference is that I think I’m where I’m supposed to be.  Go figure

While 2016 was far from a stellar year, it ended alright. 2016 held some great losses for me.  My dad.  One of my beloved dogs.  Way too many talented icons.  It even held the death of a long held dream (that I truly didn’t realize I was still holding on to).  Despite everything, I’ve had some great gains.  I’m learning to be happy with what is.  To not dwell on what could have been.  To realize that not everyone is destined for a ‘traditional’ life.  Sure, I’m ever the romantic optimist, but I’ve got way too much realism in my DNA to think that ending is meant for everyone. I realize that the fairy tale may not be meant for me.

I’m a lucky gal.  I have a handful of great friends.  I have a shitpot of good acquaintances.  I finally have the ability to differentiate between the 2.  I’ve got a place to live.   A job I love. I’ve got an amazing vacation home.  I’ve worked hard for all I have and although I’ll never give up my quest for the dream, it’s not at the forefront. 

I rang in the new year surrounded by friends and beautiful scenery.  There was no kiss at midnight,  but there were hugs and toasts and laughter and for once in my 49 years, that was enough…… 

With that, I will throw in a little update on my ever unenviable dating life. It is a dating blog, after all. I texted a bit with Repo Man on Christmas.   I still haven’t heard from 007 and most likely won’t.  I’ve been in contact with a couple other Bumble-ites that you have yet to hear about.  I’ll fill you in a bit more in the weeks to come….

Here’s hoping for all good things in 2017 for everyone!  Wishing a year full of love and laughter and experiences that bring smiles!  Happy 2017!!