43 & Single – Heaven Help Me, I've Resorted To Internet Dating!

Ridiculous & Random Stories & Thoughts on My Experiences

Karma or Just Common Sense? March 10, 2017

Filed under: beach,bumble,dating,interent dating,internet dating,karma,online dating,single,texting — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 4:50 pm

So, today is the day that *someone* decided that he just HAD to go to MY beachfront haven destination without 1) coordinating with me so that I could go at the same time or 2) asking me any sort of advice or tips (he’s not been in 10 years and I go twice a month).  As we all know, my inability to join him this weekend when he already well knew I needed to be in town earned me a 9 part ‘our schedules are just TOO conflicting’ break up text.

In direct contrast to my ‘norm’ of obsessing over it, blaming myself, trying to change his mind (yes, I’m just THAT pathetic sometimes) or sending a completely insincere “have a great weekend” text, I have done nothing.  None of the aforementioned things.  What I did do though, completely coincidentally, was to log into FB and see a post from someone stating that the wait times at the border are LONG.  As in more than an hour.  Which, of course, I would have warned him about as going on a Friday afternoon/evening is always a nightmare.

As he didn’t bother to ask my advice or opinion, he will be left to find out for himself.  And I couldn’t be happier about that.

 

Friends? March 8, 2017

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 8:15 am

Funny how different people interpret things different ways.  Funny how, when presented with the exact same information, different people come to completely different conclusions.  Funny how when 9 ‘friends’ were posed with the same facts, I got 9 different outcomes.

One of my favorite (and by favorite, I mean annoying) habits is to overthink things.  ALL things.  Even things that aren’t my fault.  Even things that I could initially interpret as my being blameless, then proceed to twist and fret over things until I can pinpoint what I did wrong.  I do NOT recommend this as a way to live your life.

Anywhoo, remember that awesome 9 part text I received on Saturday morning?  The one that contained not only a ‘break up’ but also managed to blame me for it?  Yeah, that one.  Here’s another fun fact about me.  I own my shit.  I may be rude at times.  Or un-thoughtful.  Or completely ridiculous.  I own it and accept responsibility.  If I really caused the break up text, then fine, tell me.  I’ll accept it and move on.  Although I totally didn’t, btw….

I wasn’t at that point yet.  I was still analyzing absolutely everything about our text message exchange.  And one of my friends suggested I just read the text messages to all of them.  One exceptionally ‘awesome’ friend instructed me to ‘read it exactly as written and not to insert words/phrases/emotions that weren’t actually there’.  Uhm,  thanks ‘friend’.  Anyway, I ended up reading the text exchanges to a total of 9 of my friends over a 2 day period.  Really, why obsess over things on my own when I can annoy the hell out of friends?

Here are the outcomes of these 9 friends’ opinions once they were all presented with identical information.

1 friend told me to get over it and walked away midway through my text message narrations

1 friend told me that I was misinterpreting what was written and to give him another chance

1 friend told me it wasn’t, in fact, a break up

1 friend told me it was completely my fault

4 friends told me that he was an immature asshole and there was someone better out there for me

1 friend interrupted me and changed the subject to her past dating life

According to these results, I’ve decided that:

  1. This WASN’T my fault
  2. I probably did dodge a bullet
  3. I have 2 too many ‘friends’

 

 

 Listening & Hearing Are Two Completely Different Things…. March 6, 2017

Or something like that.  Cheryl, one of my lovely (and apparently bored) followers has asked for an update on Mr. Met In Person. As I try my best to oblige (and really have nothing better to do), here ya’ go!

I met Mr. In Person well, in person.  Duh.  We had a great talk and really hit it off.  He asked for my number, I got all giddy and ridiculous and thought how awesome it was for someone to ask, in person, for my number rather than going through the angst and potential disaster of  meeting someone from online.  Yey me.

He then proceeded to not call me.  Super.  Once we finally did connect, he asked me out.  Yippeee!  However, it took us several tries for us to get our schedules in sync.  He works ridiculously long hours and is very VERY set in his schedule.  Although I’m a busy gal as well and often escape out of town on weekends, I tried my best to accommodate his limited availability.

We went out several times and really seemed to hit it off.  He’s a GOOD guy.  Good enough that I sort of forgave his admittedly shit-show of a personal life and ‘situation’ with his not yet to be ex wife.  Oopsie, he kinda forgot to tell me that fun tidbit until last week.  He still shares a house with his not yet ex wife and their son.  As ridiculous as that sounds to me, I do have friends that have done the same thing for the perceived benefit of their child.  While I don’t agree with this and feel that people don’t give their kids enough credit for ‘knowing what’s going on’, it’s not my place to say, I’m not a mom.

Anyway, he tells me all the complicated ins and outs of his personal and work life and I decided, because I’m the queen of bad decisions and giving people the benefit of the doubt, that I can deal with this.  We’d been out several times at that point (all oddly odd times as his schedule truly sucks and he is unwavering in his ‘norm’).  We spoke a little about the upcoming weekend that I would be in town and that he wouldn’t have his son with him.  I was very much looking forward to spending some quality time with him as all our prior dates were pretty much 2 hours long.  Exactly.  We hadn’t spoken about any specific plans for the weekend, but I let him know that I was looking forward to it and he replied in kind.

We spoke a bit about my vacation home as well and how I would love to take him there at some point in the future as it is in a place that he hasn’t been in 10 years and was looking forward to going back to.  Look at us proceeding at a normal (whatever that is) pace!

I was in said vacation place Saturday when I received his excited text telling me that he was planning a trip to said town the following weekend.  The weekend that we had talked about my need to be at home and how much I was looking forward to seeing him. IN town. He said he hoped I would be able to join him in said vacation locale and that he already booked a hotel.  Uhm, wait.  First of all, I own a place there, on the beach.  As he neither knows what part of the beach or even the general location of my place, how did he know where to book a hotel?  Why wouldn’t he wait to talk to me and coordinate a weekend that we could both be there?  Why, after 10 years of not being there, did he have to go right then and there?  Of course, I didn’t say any of these things to him.

What I did say was that I couldn’t get out-of-town that next weekend and that I was sad that he chose the weekend we had already spoken about doing something in our home town together to travel and that I had been looking forward to being his tour guide when we did make it to said vacation destination.  What I got in return was a 9 part text message explaining that our schedules are apparently too conflicting and that he doesn’t have the time, or inclination to pursue a romantic relationship right now.  What.  The.  Fuck.  I am quite certain that if I had said that I could drop everything and be at the whim of his stupid spur of the moment ridiculousness, I wouldn’t have gotten said break up text, but as I live in reality, that’s not what happened.  I am sad, mad, disappointed and a bit astounded that he did this. It makes absolutely no sense to me.

A fun little aside is the entire text message thing.  He hates text messaging.  I am of the mind that text message is for short little ‘nothing’ messages (hi, how are you? thinking of you, have a good day, etc…) and NOT for any sort of serious conversations.  We actually had this conversation on Tuesday when we last saw each other. He agreed.  And he still opted to break up with me via text……awesome.

 

I Think I Had A Good Time February 27, 2017

You’re welcome in advance for this not being a whiny post about my less than envious love life.  Can I really even call it a love life if I haven’t had any semblance of a relationship in uh, years?!  *cue sad music*

Anywho, this is a post about my fun weekend at the beach with a college friend.  Well, a post about what I can remember from my fun weekend at the beach with a college friend.  My friend and I are kind of in the same boat as far as guys go.  She’s at least had a couple short lived relationships in the past few years, but the guys always either ghost, flip out or turn into someone other than who they appeared to be.  She tries to slog through the wold of online dating as well.  We are both convinced that our bad luck in love at our advanced ages is Karma firmly kicking us in the ass for all the fun we had in our 20s.  Believe me, we had a LOT of fun back then.

Back to the beach.  We arrived on Thursday afternoon and immediately decided to start day drinking.  Bad decision #1.  Bad decision #2 was to make an exceptionally strong (and large) vodka soda.  Bad decision #3 was to decide, when I discovered that I forgot to bring lemons, to add an entire can of Mike’s Harder Lemonade to my already lighter-fluid-ish drink in order to get that lemon flavor.  Bad decision #4 was to then decide, after sucking that gross tasting concoction down (can’t waste perfectly good alcohol) that since it was technically National Margarita Day (that’s a thing, right?) to go to the restaurant on property to enjoy some 2 for 1 Margaritas.  Details after that are a little fuzzy.  As in I don’t really remember shit.  My friend did assure me that I didn’t make a complete ass of myself and that I was safely passed out on the couch without having embarrassed myself too much.  Passed out on the couch by 8:30pm.  Lovely.

The next couple of days included many many cocktails, a lobster-esque sunburn,  getting lost multiple times in a town that I should really be able to navigate by now and not a single solitary conversation with anyone of the opposite sex.  Well, that’s unless you include the short and sweet conversation we had with the ridiculously drunk and obnoxious husband of the wife teetering around on stiletto heals.  At the beach.  Oh, and by ‘short and sweet’ I of course mean ‘he was a ginormous idiot that I had to stop my friend from knocking out as he had absolutely NO filter when it came to what he thought was appropriate to say to complete strangers’.

Good times!

 

30 Hours February 22, 2017

Filed under: bumble,dating,interent dating,internet dating,online dating,single,texting — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 3:24 pm

That’s how long it takes him to respond to a text.  On average.  Sometimes it’s a scant 6 hours, sometimes it’s up to 2 days.  30 hours.  A day and a quarter.  On average. Enough time to drive to a different state.  Or two.  Plenty of time to fly to Vegas and lose thousands of dollars.  Enough time to go on 2 mediocre internet dates.

I get that he has a career that requires his full attention and there is no time to check his phone or respond.  I get that he’s busy.  I know that he thinks about me as he’s told me so.  What I don’t get is why it takes him so long to respond.

Sure, he could be someone who prefers face to face communication.  Who isn’t?  I’m the same way.  But if we don’t see each other and he doesn’t call, text (or carrier pigeon) is about the only option left.  His texts are long and sweet but singular.  As in just one per day.  That one may come in 4 parts, but it’s still just one text.  Every 30 hours.

He sent me a sweet text the other day at 5am.  Regardless of the sender or content, who on earth appreciates a text alert wake up call 2 hours before they actually have to wake up?  Not me.  As I didn’t want to encourage more 5am text messages, I waited until 6:15am to respond and no, I didn’t make a snarky reference to the inappropriateness of sending a text at 5am.  So I replied at 6:15am.  His reply, in turn, arrived promptly at noon. THE NEXT DAY.

He sent me a flirty text on Saturday.  I didn’t really respond in kind.  I don’t think my ego could take sending a flirty text and then not getting a response until the next day…..

 

Speed Dating Is Like Shooting Fish In A Barrel February 18, 2017

Filed under: bad dates,dating,interent dating,internet dating,online dating,single,speed dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 8:32 am

**haha, found this uber bitchy post of mine from 4 years ago in my drafts folder.  As I am more than certain that the ‘joy’ of speed dating is the same today as it was then, here you go**

Ever heard that saying? Not the speed dating part, but the shooting fish in a barrel part. Not to insult anyone’s intelligence, but it is used to describe something that is exceptionally easy. Something that takes very little effort and doesn’t come close to taking you out of your comfort zone. That’s what speed dating is for me. I can talk to a wall. I prefer not to talk to walls as it mainly earns me odd looks from people, but what can ya’ do? Unfortunately, I might have preferred talking to drywall last night as the biggest ‘connections’ I made were with 2 other females that showed up for the event. Minds out of the gutter people. I don’t mean that sort of connection. They were just nice and friendly and frankly, more attractive than ALL of the guys. Combined. 

I debated whether or not to cancel yesterday as I was tired but I opted to ‘just do it’ (thank you pithy Nike commercial). I showed up in an awesome little t shirt dress and strappy sandals and looked pretty darn cute if I do say so myself. I won’t give you the rundown on how amazingly unorganized the entire event was as no one really cares about that crap, but I will give you a rundown of all the stellar ‘dates’ that I went on. Or more accurately; endured.

There were 19 women that showed up for the event and a whopping 12 guys. Which was about 11.5 guys too many. Remember how I was worried about being the oldest one there as the age cut off was 45? Yeah, well most of the guys and a few of the women took some creative liberties with their age. Yey. Just like internet dating!

So you know the drill; sit and chat with some guy for 5 minutes and when the bell rings, you switch. Sometimes you feel like 5 minutes isn’t nearly long enough and wish you had more time, others, 5 minutes seems like an eternity. It was mostly the latter. I was assigned number 11 and was sat at a table at the end of the room facing in, so I could see every other speed dating table and thus be able to see who was headed my way. I guess so I could gauge how big a swig of my Absolute Soda I would need. In your five minute ‘mini dates’ you’re supposed to find out as much as possible about the guys and try to see if there is any interest. As I’m a fairly superficial bitch, I knew by looking at the men that there wasn’t much interest on my part so instead of the awesomely soul searching ‘what do you do for a living’, ‘where do you live’, ‘what do you do in your spare time’ questions, I just bullshitted with them. Mainly to keep myself entertained.

1st there was Sasha. A 28 year old data entry guy who spoke broken English and mumbled. No clue why he was in the 35-45 year old group, but he said he had tried his age group and ‘it didn’t work’. I didn’t ask.

Next there was Alex. A 4’10” Greek man. Who proceeded to ask me what I was looking for in a relationship while I just kinda looked at him thinking ‘really’? I could have been an uber bitch and said ‘well Alex, I’m looking for a tall man that speaks English fluently’ but I didn’t. I gave my patented bullshit response of ‘someone who makes me laugh’.

Next was Mike. A very nice man from England. Sorry, a very nice 65 year old man from England. A very nice 65 year old man from England who hates his job. Yey.

Then there was Seth. Seth was a funny and entertaining chiropractor. Although he was not hugely offensive to look at (I know, I’m a peach), he had the oddest hairline. Very high up on his forehead and straight across. Kinda disconcerting.

After that was Shaun. Shaun kinda stumbled up the steps, said ‘watch my fucking sheet’, slapped his top secret ‘yes or no’ chart on the table and wove his way to the bathroom. When he got back, he went to the bar for another drink. Darn the luck, right when he got back to me, the bell rang. Thanks for playing Shaun. You will be marked a big fat NO. Oh wait, the bell didn’t ring until after he pointed out one of the other female speed daters and whispered, at the top of his lungs, ‘that one is a fucking bitch’. Uhm……thanks.

Then there was the little man with piercing blue eyes and the worst hairpiece I have ever seen. If he was a day under 65, then I must be 12.

The chubby Asian guy was next. Don’t really recall what we spoke about. Oh well.

There was Walter who had a sparkling set of fake teeth and very pronounced lisp.

There was Roberto who had really cool hair and thought he was Don Juan.

Brian was a darling architect originally from Boston. A good conversationalist, a snazzy dresser and all of about 5’2”. Oh, and with the most fucked up teeth I’ve seen in a long time. If I was about a foot shorter, I may have actually given him a ‘yes’ as the other guys set the bar just that low for him.

The whole speed dating idea is to take notes on the guys as you talk to them (and they’re supposed to do the same for you) and then at the end, you mark either yes or no. If you mark yes for a guy who also marks yes for you, then it’s a mutual match and you get e mailed their contact information the next day.

Being the ginormous busy body that I am, I looked at every guy’s sheet to see that the majority had marked yes for almost every woman. Kinda like hedging their bets. Now not to toot my own horn, but there were women in all shapes and sizes there last night. Spanning from 35 up to 60 (at least). Of varying nationalities. It’s one thing to have an open mind and give everyone a chance, but really?!? Sadly, I have not received an e mail today notifying me of my mutual matches. I’m guessing mainly because I marked every single guy a no. Whoopsie. So yes, speed dating was like shooting fish in a barrel ……. If the fish in the barrel were chum. You know, that gross crap that fishermen use …

 

Patience Is Someone Else’s Virtue February 17, 2017

Patience is certainly NOT one of my virtues.  I’m all about instant gratification! That doesn’t mean I don’t work damn hard for the things I want, but it does mean that I have a hard time convincing myself that not everything moves along at the pace that I want it to.  Dating, in particular.  If I like someone, I expect for them to like me back (HA, we all know how well that has worked out for me in the past).  I expect them to keep in touch.  I expect, if there was a good date, that I will hear from them within the ‘3 day rule’.  I can’t stand ‘rules’.  I follow none of them.  I like to create my own.  Again, not to the most successful results.

I KNOW that not everyone thinks alike.  My god, can you imagine what a shit-show the world would be if we did?  Well, more so than it already is.  I KNOW that there are no rules.  I KNOW that people move at their own pace.  What I don’t know is why, why, why my mind always runs to the negative if I don’t hear from someone according to my timeline.  It’s so ridiculous and counter productive.  I truly believe in the pithy ‘put out into the universe what you want back’ and that ‘positivity begets positivity’.  My mind still wanders to the negative.  And not negative about the other person, mind you.  Negative about myself.  Along the lines of ‘what did I do wrong’, ‘why doesn’t he like me’ or any multitude of other self-destructive thoughts.

I’ve always been this way.  I wish I knew where it stemmed from.  I guess I’ll just blame my mother. 😉 And all the schmucks I went to high school with. Dumb fuckers

Anywhoo, I had that great date.  4 days ago.  And hadn’t heard from him since.  Of course I have annoyingly inevitably replayed the date in my mind a few hundred times trying to figure out what I did wrong.  Trying to figure out why he would walk me to my car and give me a kiss if he wasn’t interested.  Why he wouldn’t lock down another date right then and there.  I know full well that this is MY bullshit and not his.  He’s a good guy.  If he doesn’t like me, then it’s his loss (if I say it enough, I will believe it right).  That I WILL hear from him (if I say it enough, it will happen, right?).

After annoying myself trying to figure out what I did wrong and finally coming to the realization (kind of) that I did nothing wrong, that I was just being me and that if he doesn’t appreciate me with all my faults and ridiculousness, someone else will.  Who probably lives in another state, mind you, but whatever.  I swear it’s exhausting being me with my over thinking nature.

And then I get a text………..