43 & Single – Heaven Help Me, I've Resorted To Internet Dating!

Ridiculous & Random Stories & Thoughts on My Experiences

So Much For That… February 24, 2018

Filed under: Uncategorized — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 12:19 pm

Know what’s more depressing than me sitting at home feelimg like a loser?

Trying to text flirt with Vacation Guy and him either not getting it, or not into it…. Boo

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Cheer Me Up February 23, 2018

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 9:04 pm

So I’m still feeling like a bit of a loser.  By ‘bit’, I of course mean one of the biggest losers ever.  And yet, I still can’t say with any certainty that I won’t ever contact him again.  I hate when I get like this.

 

Mr. Vacation texted me a couple times today from his trip.  He’s just not very flirty, so it didn’t cheer me up much.

 

I cancelled dinner with friends tonight as who the hell wants to hang out with a total wet blanket.

 

I considered, several times today, texting Red (my Tinder lunch date from last week) to see what he was doing tonight.  Nope, not so we can go out for drinks.  Not so we could go out for dinner.  So that I could invite myself over and he could make me feel better about myself.  I haven’t done anything like that since college.  When I used to have some self esteem.  And was able to date (or not) just like a guy.

 

2 things stopped me from going through with texting him.  Firstly, I’m too lazy to leave the house and certainly don’t want him coming over here.  Faceless sex is exclusively for ‘away games’.  The 2nd, and more important reason I didn’t do it was because I remembered his hands from lunch and that man is in DEFINITE need of a manicure.  I mean, rough hands are good, but his hands were nasty!

 

Guess it’s just me, my dog, my Grey Goose & sodas (damn diet) and this lovely series on Showtime called Gigolos.  Try to contain your jealousy.

 

Now Where Did I Hide That Self Esteem?

Filed under: Uncategorized — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 12:09 pm

So I did something. Or was trying to. And he seemed okay with it. At least I convinced myself he was. Even though I knew better. Remember when I said that I don’t lie to others, but am pretty adept at lying to myself? Yup, this is an example of just how pathetic I can be.

I went to his house a few weeks ago and had a meltdown of sorts. It wasn’t intended to be, but it was. Everything was just building up, even things not regarding him, and it all manifested itself in a shitty, shitty way.

After the mortification of this, we discussed trying to be friends. Okay, I brought it up, he agreed. Fast forward several weeks, and I sent a text asking if he wanted to meet up. He said okay. I asked this week or next? He said next. I asked Tuesday or Thursday and he said neither worked, but suggested Friday (today). I asked where and what time? He sent back ‘today won’t work, apologies’. This entire interaction took place over a week and a half. He would agree, I would ask a question, he wouldn’t respond, so I would ask the same question on a different day. Completely pathetic on my part.

Did I even want to be friends or did I want him to see how fun and non-nuerotic I can be? Did I want to change his mind about me? Of course I did. With each text I sent that he didn’t respond to, I knew how pathetic I was being. I was basically serving up my self esteem (or lack thereof) to him on a silver platter. I was grasping at the straws of his actually never saying ‘no’ as him saying ‘yes’. The fact that he actually offered up an alternate day to meet as a positive.

I ignored the fact that I was chasing after him. I ignored the fact that I shouldn’t be doing this. I ignored the fact that I know better and that while he never actually said ‘no’, he was absolutely saying no. I ignored the fact that I was making a complete fool of myself. I’m now sad and embarrassed that I did this. That I knew better. That I am better than this. That I don’t even know enough about him for me to be so ridiculously preoccupied with what he thinks of me.

Even though I know all of this, I still took it to a new low. When he cancelled on me today, I sent back ‘no worries, maybe we can get together when I’m back in town’. Yup. I am truly pathetic. This may be my rock bottom 😦 Feel free to let me have it…..

 

Do Blondes Have More Fun? February 22, 2018

Yep, it’s that time of year again.  The time of year when I consider dying my blonde hair to a different color.  I do this most every year.  It’s usually right around New Year’s that I have this fun little hair debate with myself.  Last year I actually died my hair a deep maroon color that was hella cute for about a week and then proceeded to turn every single shade of BRIGHT red imaginable.  Most of 2017 was spent trying to get back to blonde.  I am a true blonde.  No, not in the dipshitty, space cadet kinda way (sorry all you dipshitty, space cadet-y blondes).  But in the fun and bubbly, beachy kinda persona.  I just look good as a blonde.  And blonde hair looks great with a tan.

As we all know I was busy obsessing over my NYE date this year, I neglected to have my hair debate.  As I am on a self professed mini hiatus from all things online dating for the next couple of weeks, I am left with pondering hair color.  It’s sort of amazing how much mental free time I have on my hands when I’m not preoccupied with trying to over analyze every single thought, action and statement that any random man may be having regarding me (or not about me, for that matter).

This year I’m considering a lower key hair color transformation.  I was a complete toe-head as a child.  As I’ve gotten older, my natural color has gotten more dark (and grey, but I can pull those off as highlights).  I’m a dirty blonde these days (in more way than one).  I’m thinking of going brunette.  Just plain ole’ brunette.  Thoughts?

 

And Off He Goes

So he who still doesn’t have a blog name leaves for vacation today. He’ll be back in 10 days. I won’t. I don’t leave until next week and won’t be back until the 2nd week in March.

Seems like weird timing to meet someone. While I have never believed in ‘bad timing’ and always thought of it as an excuse (unless, of course, you’re about to be imprisoned or deported), maybe that’s what this is.

Our texting has been pretty surface lately. As my new dating coach, Matthew Hussey (seriously, check him out; he knows his shit and is HOT) suggested, I have not been the one to initiate texts. I have not been the needy one. I have not ‘tested’ the situation.

Tonight Mr Vacation (oh, look who just got assigned a completely unimaginative blog name) sent a text apologizing for being incommunicado and kinda bleh the past couple of days. As it was completely unprompted, it was nice. Hey, maybe this shit works! Normally I would completely validate him and not want him to feel bad so would normally excuse everything. As I’m trying to embrace a new normal, all I said was that I appreciated his apology. And then I did something I normally wouldn’t do for fear of sounding needy or *gasp* letting him know I was interested. I told him that I wished that we could have gotten together before he left. Nope, wasn’t even guilt trippy or passive aggressive. It was just a statement and I left it at that.

He responded right back with another apology and saying he wished we could have gotten together as well, but that he just sort of ran out of time. While the old Grey would get all gushy and forgiving and let him off the hook because ‘look! he likes me!’, the new Grey isn’t so sure. He did have time to see me. He had time to see friends. He just didn’t prioritize seeing me and has, in fact, now run out of time.

Maybe we’ll chat while he’s gone, maybe we won’t. I’m not going to initiate anything and I’m not going to worry about it. I’m going to enjoy the hell out of my own damn vacation! Of course I won’t completely write him off as I do think he’s a good guy, but I will pay attention to what he does when I return.

Let’s face it. I don’t really know this guy. We’ve only met once. We’ve since exchanged about 400 text messages. Who knows what will happen. Here’s the difference between old & (hopefully) new Grey; I know what I want and what I deserve. I don’t need to make everything so easy by making myself so available. No, that doesn’t mean I need or want to make things difficult either. It just means I’ll pay attention and while I can ‘mirror’ his effort, I will not do all the work.

Now, while I never lie to others, we all know that I’m pretty damn good at lying to myself, so I guess we’ll see…..

 

Dodging Bullets February 21, 2018

Filed under: aura,bad dates,bumble,dating,driking,internet dating,karma,online dating,single,texting,tinder — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 4:39 pm

Or, more accurately, ‘Thank Fucking God’.  I’m sure I’ve written many (many) posts with this same title in my decade of online dating.  Sometimes the universe looks out for me.  Mostly though, it just likes to fuck with me.  This time it was the former.

Sooooo, my date that I had set up for tomorrow night; the one with the guy that I had messaged with over the summer.  The one with the guy that overshares about all the feels.  The one that got pissed at me when we 1st messaged all those months ago and did the online equivalent of stomping off in a huff because he felt I wasn’t responding to his messages quickly enough.  Yeah, that one.

To be clear, when I am not overly excited about someone (or even if I am), I am not available 24/7 to immediately respond to messages from guys online.  My response time is further delayed if their questions are annoying.  I almost always respond the same day.  Usually within an hour.  I will admit, that if/when I’m having a senior moment, I may actually forget.  That happens pretty rarely.  I will usually respond as soon as I see the message.  Contrary to popular belief, I am not constantly glued to my phone or computer.  No, really.

So, Mr Feelings messaged me late last night with a stupendous ‘Hope you’re having a great day’.  Which, by the way, doesn’t even make sense to send that at 10pm at night unless he thinks I’m a vampire and my day is just starting.  As I’m not a big fan of going onto Plenty of Fish late night as apparently it signals every single unsavory to message me, I responded this morning.  With an exceptionally bland, yet nice ‘My day was terrific, thank you.  I hope you have a terrific day!’

As I’m sitting at my pedicure today, I get a notification that he messaged me.  You can imagine my excitement.  By the time I actually checked to read his message an hour later, he had already blocked me.  WTF?!  As the idiot had to go the extra mile of sending a message before doing so, I was still able to look it up in my received messages file.  The big baby had sent “I’m cancelling our date tomorrow night as I feel that if you’re going to meet someone, you should want to find out about them”.  Uhm, what the holy fuck is he talking about?  We were meeting tomorrow night.  And we’d already messaged ad nauseam 1st time around.

Wanna know the saddest part of all of this?  Well, besides the fact that I don’t much care that he cancelled and blocked me?  The fact that I couldn’t respond back! Damn.

 

Taking the Day Off

Yes, it’s true. Although I seem to have made a part time career out of online dating (a low paying, non OSHA approved, un-fulfilling, benefit free one), I am taking the day off. Yes, you read that right. No dates scheduled for today. I am using my accumulated dating PTO to sit around, bra-less, while watching men’s team speed skating (damn, what amazing thighs they have) on my Roku. I wouldn’t be getting dressed at all today if it weren’t for the 3pm pedicure appointment that I have today. Although my feet have been in crammed into boots for the past 2 months, I need pretty toes for the beach next week. That’s right, I’m headed to my happy place next week.

What else am I doing with my sloth-like day of nothing? Well, I’ll be starting a new book. One that supposedly gives good advice on dating. Advice on the differences between men and women. All wrapped up with a not so veiled dash of cynicism and snark. I have watched u tube channels, read books, subscribed to e mails and just about every other avenue that dating coaches use to reach the masses. Inevitably though, I choose to ignore it all and do what I want. We all know how well that works out for me. Maybe this time will be different. Maybe this time I’ll pay attention. Probably not, but let’s be honest; when you need answers to life’s challenges, why would you look any further than a dating book written by a Real Housewives of New York?

As she’s still single, I’m doubtful 😉