The Life & Times of a 54 Year Old Online Dater

Thoughts on My Experiences In Search of Love & Companionship, 10 Years Running

And Here It Is……. October 26, 2010

Filed under: bad dates,internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 2:22 pm
Tags: , , ,

My new and improved (okay, i realize that’s debatable) online profile! 😉  What do you think?

Hello All.  Thanks for stopping by.  After several months on this site, I have decided to shake things up a bit.  While I have met some terrific guys on here, I have also met some not so terrific ones (you know who you are).  I remain optimistic, however instead of listing my fabulous attributes and trying to ‘sell’ myself to you I will instead go another route ~ one that will let you know who you should (or shouldn’t) be, while giving you some pretty obvious insight into my personality. 😉

Here’s the lowdown on the guy for me (I don’t say ‘perfect guy’ as I don’t believe that’s realistic):

*You will be tall (I’m 5’10” in flats, however I love to wear my heels)

*You will not be 5’8″, but tell me that you’re 6′ and hope that I won’t notice

*You will be intelligent (no, not MENSA smart, but it would help if you at least recognized what that is)

*You will be able to string several words from the English language together in a coherent fashion (bonus points if you don’t have misspelled words in your profile)

*You will have some sort of drive ~ something that you are passionate about

*You will not talk with your mouth full

*You will be honest

*You will possess empathy

* You will be able to walk & chew gum at the same time

*You will not have mommy issues

*You will not insist on talking about your horrible exes, your horrible boss or your horrible family on a 1st date

*You will be somewhat of an optimist (if you see the bad in everything, then thanks for stopping by, but I’m not the one for you)

*You will ‘get’ and maybe even appreciate the humor in sarcasm

*You will like dogs (no not the human ones ~ although everyone deserves to be loved ~ the 4 legged ones)

*You will not be dependent on your Droid or your IPhone in order to be able to function in society

*You will be able to see the humor in almost any situation

*You will know the difference between their, they’re and there

*You will not take yourself too seriously

*You will be gainfully employed

*You will not be socially or emotionally ‘challenged’

*You will not drone on about your fitness regimen, your ‘eating clean’ or your lists of daily supplements

*Yes, I know ~ everyone on here loves to hike – I get it!

*You need to at least own a book (even if you haven’t actually read it)

*You will not have an extensive prison record

*You will not have an actual written list of all your ‘conquests’ complete with cryptic rating system

*You will have a good heart

*You will not feel the need to regale me with stories of how fabulous you are (shouldn’t I be able to tell that just by talking to you?)

*You will be able to deal with my strong personality

*You will not agree with everything that I say just for the sake of agreeing

*You will be within my desired age range (or at least in close proximity to it)

*You will not suggest going back to your place midway through our 1st drink

*You will not look at your reflection in every shiny surface that we pass

*You will not send me a standard ‘form’ e-mail that you just copy and paste to everyone

*You will actually have read my profile ~ yes, even the stuff on the left

*You will be able to make me laugh!

Okay, okay, I guess it’s only fair to tell you a little about me:  I’m smart, quick witted, sarcastic, highly uncoordinated, independent, extroverted in small groups, introverted in large ones, an avid people watcher, a fan of ‘train wreck’ reality shows (don’t judge, you know you like them too), well traveled and, most importantly, I am able to laugh at myself!

If you don’t really ‘get’ what I just wrote above, I have offended you, or you take absolutely everything literally, then you’ve just missed (or would it be proven?) my point. 😉 However if you’ve made it all the way through without dozing off, having to grab a dictionary to look up a word and get the humor of it, then drop me a line (but please use spellcheck 1st).

Crazy that I would go the route of trying to custom order someone, right?  I guess we’ll just have to wait and see ………


8 Responses to “And Here It Is…….”

  1. My Self Says:

    I will be jumping around a bit since I do not have your profile in front of me. I haver a BA in both American history and English Literature and a MA in English Literature so, yes I can string a sentence together properly, including grammar, in the English language. I am 6′ 1 and 1/2″ tall. Yes I know what MENSA is and while I do not qualify I have known one person who did, and I never understood a word he said. I feel that cell phones were created to drive me insane and other than using one because they have removed almost all of the pay phones the only other techie thing I go near is a computer. I would never talk about my ex since I have no desire to ever think of her period. Sure I like dogs, they are better than most humans. I do not have a fitness regimen and I hate to hike, did enough of that in the military. I am gainfully retired. I do not have an extensive prison record, only a minor one and nothing for a felony. I own, and have read many books; in fact I collect books. I doubt if I have “mommie” issues since my mother is dead. I would not agree with you for the sake of agreeing with you since I seldom agree with anyone for any reason. I would not invite you back to my place before we finished our first drink, or ever for that matter since Karrieann might get a bit upset.

    • ellensguidetobadinternetdating Says:

      LMAO! You’re hysterical Douglas! I couldn’t understand who the hell would be actually answering my ‘ad’ on here!

  2. […] not ugly, nor am I stupid, nor do I use poor grammar (and no, I don’t even have my beloved ‘bitchtastic’ profile up from that fun filled week on Match).  I don’t quite understand it ~ are these […]

  3. everevie Says:

    Do you still have this up??? LOL! No wonder the guys never reference anything in your profile. Hahah…

  4. […] Holy cow!  He must have had no less than 20 must haves and must not haves (reminiscent of that bitchy profile I put up briefly last year).  So in addition to asking about whether or not he had even bothered to read my […]

  5. […] could use some help, so although I’ve never posted my profile before on here (aside from the REALLY bitchy one that I did a couple of years ago), I’d love your […]

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