43 & Single – Heaven Help Me, I've Resorted To Internet Dating!

Ridiculous & Random Stories & Thoughts on My Experiences

How To Avoid Internet Douchebags April 1, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 12:57 am
Tags: , ,

Well my friends, sorry to disappoint, but if I really knew how to avoid them or had some top secret way to spot and avoid them from afar, I certainly wouldn’t be writing this blog as I’d be busy shouting it from the rooftop of one of my multiple mansions that would have been paid for by my late night infomercials on the topic and I would probably have my very own fan page on Facebook.  But I don’t.  Sorry.

I do have a stellar way to avoid the entire internet dating headache for two whole weeks though.  Come closer and I will share my secret with all of you.  Ready?  Have friends come to town two weeks in a row!!!! Yey me!  No stupid boys!  No worrying about who’s going to stand me up/piss me off/ annoying the shit out of me.  For two whole weeks!  Woo hooo!

My wonderful friend Julie is coming to town next week and well, I think we’ll get drunk the entire time she’s here! 🙂  Julie just kicked her POS cheating hubby out of the house and is a swinging single again.  Oh, and immediately found a shiny new bike to ride around town once a week.  No strings attached.  Bitch.  I haven’t seen Julie in over a year and we haven’t made a spectacle of ourselves together out in public for at least two.  Believe you me, it’s high time we put an end to that dry spell!  The Culinary Festival is in town next weekend and I always make a point to go under the ruse of being a foodie and wanting to see & sample all the great caterers and restaurants that will be there as sort of research and development (or so I tell my accountant).  Really though, it’s a great excuse to get drunk during the day in public and a stellar place to people watch!  I can’t wait to count up how many dumbassed women I see teetering around the grassy knowles in their 6″ Jimmy Choos.  Idiots.

Who’s coming to town the week following the Julie drunk fest?  Well that would be my blog-bff, Click!  We’ve never actually met, but are pretty convinced that we are just the short (she’s sort of a midget) and tall (i’m sort of an amazon) version of one another.  We both have a wonderfully bitchy endearing way of expressing ourselves and she’s just about one of the funniest people around.  She has this knack for stating the most obvious things in an amazingly hysterical and snarky way.  Those of you that date back to the start of my rambling blog might remember her.  She’s been pretty much MIA lately as she’s gone and found herself a Shiny New Bike that makes her very happy and blah, blah, blah.  Bitch.  I am thinking there will be many many cocktails involved in whatever we do.  And maybe we can make some poor guy cry. 🙂

I cannot wait to meet her!  I cannot wait to not have to deal with toolish guys for two – count ’em – TWO weekends in a row!!!  I just hope my liver can survive. 😉

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3 Responses to “How To Avoid Internet Douchebags”

  1. everevie Says:

    I hope your liver survives…and that you blog about your girl-dates as much as your tool-dates!!

  2. Yay! I can’t wait. And I believe the night will not be a success until we make more than one boy cry. After many cocktails!


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