And she’s apparently supplying muffin-tops for every single biker chick in Arizona today. Needless to say, I just got back from my date with the biker guy. In one piece, but we’ll get to that later. Let’s talk about what NOT to wear if you have a jiggly belly, a muffin top, back fat or weigh over 300 pounds. Don’t wear a bikini top. Don’t wear a midriff bearing top. Don’t wear a backless top with no bra. Don’t wear jeans that are several sizes too small. I wanted to snap a few pics for shits and giggles, but was afraid I’d get my ass kicked. I swear, I couldn’t have felt more out of place. I didn’t want to wear a tank top because my arms aren’t in the best shape. Uh, I would have been fine. Believe me. I ended up wearing a retarded white button down top with a little ribbon around the waist. Uh, why? What the fuck would possess me? I don’t do ‘girly’. Why then, would I think that a biker convention was an appropriate place to whip out my girliest top? Eh, who knows ……
So anyway, onto the date. I meet biker guy and he’s very very nice. He has a friend in from Texas who was awesome as well. I didn’t fall off the back of the bike, I didn’t get a bug in my teeth, I didn’t even swear like a sailor when he made a sharp turn and I saw my pathetic life flash before my eyes. The plan was to go to the biker show, meet up with more of their friends and then head out to lunch up in the mountains. Fun times. Anyway, biker date pays for my entry into the show ($25) and when I offered to pay he says ‘you can buy me lunch later’ to which I agree. We meet some of their friends, we wander around, we chat, we have a good time. Were there sparks? No. Was it a love connection? Eh, probably not. Was it a fun way to spend an afternoon? You bet!
So everyone is ready to head out to lunch and my date asks what I think. I say that I’m totally up for it as I think it would be fun but that he has a decision in this too. Never in a million years did I think he’d be the one to put the kibosh on things. Even if we weren’t destined to live happily ever after, we got along really well and I think his friends liked me too. So he sorta shuffles his feet and declares that ‘this is the awkward part’. I sort of looked at him questioningly (okay, probably with my mouth hanging wide open) and he says he’ll probably just take me back to my car. What. The. Fuck. Needless to say, I was a bit surprised and a little disappointed as I was looking forward to hanging out with everyone. He doesn’t really give me a reason why and I guess it’s just rude of me to think that even though there wasn’t a ‘connection’ that he’d even want to continue hanging out with me for the afternoon as friends. Well, his buddy comes up and asks if we’re ready to go and I say, in true me style ‘well, I’ve been given the boot, so biker date will be taking me back to my car’. To which his friend totally drops his jaw and looks at me in surprise.
Uh, I know! I wasn’t the one to make the decision to end the date. He did! Wow. I must really suck.