43 & Single – Heaven Help Me, I've Resorted To Internet Dating!

Ridiculous & Random Stories & Thoughts on My Experiences

An Open Letter To E-Harmony April 22, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 11:19 am
Tags: , , ,

While what I really want to write them is short and sweet as in ‘You Suck!’  I opted to take the high road in my communication with them to try to better convey my thoughts and opinions on their stellar compatibility matching system.  After having them send me every midget within a 60 mile radius for the past 2 moths, they began sending me ‘matches’ last week for guys that don’t even live in my town.  It’s gotten worse.  As they have already decided that Phoenix is out of men for me, they have consequently decided that the entire state of Arizona is out of suitable (and by suitable, I mean not suitable in the least) men for me and have started sending me profiles of short guys that live in Nevada.  And New Mexico.  WTF?

Well, far be it from me not to let my opinion be known, so in the most spur of the moment and not-very-well thought out message, I sent them this:

Hello,

So I am in month 3 of my 3 month trial membership.  I have put up with the constant influx of men no less than 3 inches shorter than I am during this time but now you’re sending me ‘matches’ that don’t even live in my same city, much less the same state?

It is exceedingly clear to me now why I cancelled my 6 month membership with you 6 years ago after only 2 weeks.  If only I had remembered just how bad your ‘compatibility matching system’ was, I could have saved the $$ and spent it on drinks (which would have been a hell of a lot more fun and certainly less painful)

Nice to know, that according to you and your stellar compatibility system, that Arizona is out of suitable guys for me (not that many of the profiles you sent to me had anything remotely to do with the qualities that I am looking for).

Way to discourage internet dating.

Oh, and fuck you.  Okay, I didn’t put that last sentiment but you can bet your ass it’s what I’m thinking. 😉

In other ‘I hate internet dating’ news, although craptastic E-Harmony has decided that Arizona is out of men for me, equally shit-tastic Chemistry has decided that apparently the world is out of men for me and has just opted to stop sending me matches.  Really?  After just 2 months?  Don’t they appreciate the fact that I take the time to read and each and every profile before I summarily delete them?  Oh, okay, that was a lie.  I am a total ‘judge a book by it’s cover’ kinda internet dater and won’t even read the profile if I don’t like the picture.  Duh, why would I bother reading the book if I don’t like the packaging or cover?

.

I met exactly one guy off of E-Harmony.  And that stupid pussy of a man, oh sorry I mean ‘alpha male’ of a douche was Tree Trunk.  Actually made it through date #2 before pissing me off.

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2 Responses to “An Open Letter To E-Harmony”

  1. The T Says:

    I think in a past life you were a hardcore sailor… I think in this life maybe that sailor is still there…lurking under the skin…

    We need to share rum together… AND I’m 6’1! And although you might be able to beat me in a wet t-shirt contest, I can write my name prettier in the snow than you can…. cursive even….helvitica type font if i so choose…

    T.

  2. Grey Goose, Dirty Says:

    what can I say T; my ‘filter’ is on the fritz.

    oh, and I don’t like rum ……… make it kettle one or grey goose vodka and we’re on …..


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