43 & Single – Heaven Help Me, I've Resorted To Internet Dating!

Ridiculous & Random Stories & Thoughts on My Experiences

Dang Girl, I’m Just Sitting On My Laptop Eating….. April 25, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 6:53 pm
Tags: , ,

Okay, 1st of all, I’m not.  I would never say this.  Nor would I do this.  I would think it would be uncomfortable to sit ON my laptop for one thing (and the stupid bugger has a friggin’ worm that I can’t get rid of, argh) and secondly, why would I want to broadcast eating?  Which we all know I love.  But still.

This, my dear friends (the 3 of you that read this) was the subject line of an e-mail that I received from some tool bag guy on match today.  Who’s a lucky girl?!  Me!  Wanna know what makes me even luckier?  I’ll let you see for yourself in the rest of his romantically sweet e-mail.  I think I’m in love.  Or just trying to decide how many other bachelorettes he sent this to today?

” Dang girl I’m just sitting on my laptop eating pizza scanning Match and you popped up; darn near choked on my pizza…………Lord have mercy girl were (yup he put were instead of where) did you come from ……….. You can’t have been on her long some man would have swept you off your feet by now.   We’ll (yup) I’ll be in Mesa, Arizona for training for Boeing for a month in May 8th till June 5th and just didn’t want to eat alone while I was out their (really?) maybe go our have a good time or something like that.

The end.  No name, nothing to even allude to the fact that he even read anything in my profile past the fact that I live in Phoenix.  Now aside from the stellar run-on-ness of his illiterate message, I’m still confused.  Does he want someone to go out and eat with or to have a good time ‘or something’ with?

Now, working with Boeing,  you’d think he’d have to be somewhat intelligent, right?  Well, unless of course, he cleans their bathrooms.  Oh sorry, I mean there.  And, btw, there is nothing wrong with cleaning bathrooms, although I sure as hell wouldn’t do it.

I’m dying to send him a ‘fishing’ reply just so I can find out how many women he mass e-mailed with his lovely prose………. 😉 And to see if he still has an opening for me a week from next Tuesday.

Ahhhh, it’s definitely a Monday.  There are just some days that I love internet dating more than others.  This isn’t one of them ………


23 Responses to “Dang Girl, I’m Just Sitting On My Laptop Eating…..”

  1. everevie Says:

    Ahh…the sweet simplicity of the low IQ mind. There is something refreshingly easy about dealing with someone so stupid.

  2. I will draft a reply for you (but keep on mind I’m out of practice).

    Dang boy what a coincidence as I am sitting on my phone eating sushi scanning my email and you’re lame-assed message popped up. Darn near barfed up my fish roll…. Lord have mercy boy were have you been all my life? When your here for a month I shall not let you eat alone but can we both fit on your computer?

    • Grey Goose, Dirty Says:

      Damn I love you, Click. Thanks for the laugh. Well needed tonight.

      Do you mind if I save this to sent to all my incoherent e-mails and winks?

  3. Yes, you may certainly use my prose, but I must in good conscience point out a grammatical error… It should be “can we both fit ‘upon’ your computer” not “on your computer.” I’m so embarassed.

  4. Struggling Dad Says:


    Sorry for sticking my nose in. I saw you commented on Surrey Gal’s blog and wandered across.

    All I can say as a guy is … If I end up single again (sadly possible) and *THIS* is my competition for ladies, then I’ll need to maintain a careful schedule not to be overbooked. How dumb can a guy be and still manage to sign on to a dating site??

    Oh, and you’re probably right: He probably does clean Boeing bathrooms. And needs a training course to understand how to do it right this time.

    Cheers, Sean.

    • Grey Goose, Dirty Says:

      Hi Sean. You’re welcome to stick your nose in any time. Haha! You’re funny (and right!). Yes, if you are able to string 2 words together, are polite and don’t tell people you are eating pizza while sitting on your computer, you’re a keeper! 🙂

      • Struggling Dad Says:

        So, the basic idea is that he should have said something like this to set your heart aflutter:

        “Hi there sweetie. I was just pecking away on my laptop eating quiche / caviar / smoked salmon [or something equally expensive/sophisticated] and spied your profile on Match.com. I’m intrigued. I want to know more, especially about [some reference to something in your Profile beyond the first sentence!].

        Boeing is sending me to Arizona for advanced ballistic micro-adjustment training [or something else that indicates an IQ above 100]. After I’ve finished rock climbing / wild horse taming / pulling bull’s teeth [or some other manly pursuit], I’d love to chat by phone or even, if you dare, meet for coffee. ”

        I’ll bet that kind of approach would have made a difference!

        Alas, I suspect there’s only about 50 men like this in the USA, and most are already married, so you might as well see if pizza moron is willing to spring for a Starbucks latte and some lemon pound cake … 🙂

      • Grey Goose, Dirty Says:

        Haha. Not quite, but much closer. 🙂 I’d settle for any hint that he actually read my profile. Funny how far a simple ‘nice smile’ will get ya’.

        I believe you live across the pond Sean. The land of men with manners. Over in the states some doofus yelling ‘nice rack’ across the street to you is American men’s idea of a compliment. 😉

        Okay, it’s not quite that bad …… but just to be safe, I’m going to buy my own lemon poundcake 🙂

      • Struggling Dad Says:

        My family is from Old Blighty, yes. An inspired guess on your part! I grew up in Australia (not born there, but brought up there). After I grew up, it was England (marriage), Switzerland and, now the USA (probable divorce looming).

        I live in north Virginia, near Washington, D.C.

        In U.S. terms, I’m the international equivalent of an “army brat,” except without the military/diplomatic background.

      • Grey Goose, Dirty Says:

        sorry to hear about the possible divorce, Sean.

        you’ve lived in some amazing places though.

        you gotta love a good import! 🙂

        so which accent do you carry with you? (’cause I know Virginia certainly doesn’t have one)

      • Struggling Dad Says:

        HI GGD.

        It’s some mix of Australian and English. My family in Australia hear some of the English. My UK family and friends hear only the Australian. People here sometimes can’t be sure.

        Like I said, I’m a mutt!

        Hey, why doesn’t my name have a link to my own blog, where my woes and troubles are there all to ponder over? Grump. Here it is, in case you’re happy and need someone to feel sorry for 🙂

      • everevie Says:

        Sorry to break in, but I like to lend a helping hand where I can: Struggling Dad (Sean, if I may)…if you want your profile name to link to your blog, you should go to Personal Settings from your Dashboard. Scroll almost all the way to the bottom of the page…until you get to Account Details…there is a space for “Website” where you will add your blog address. Once you save…any NEW comments you make should link.

        Okay…back to your regularly scheduled conversation… 🙂

  5. Surrey gal Says:

    Reading things like this puts me even more off internet dating. I haven’t done it yet, and I have my reservations, but when I’m reading what those morons are writing to you I’m thinking I’d just waste my time on match.com because I’d just press delete, delete, delete… gems are hard to find, it takes a lot of digging through the dirt, I guess…
    What’s a dang girl anyway?

  6. Grey Goose, Dirty Says:

    Hey, I do animal rescue, so know how great mutts are. 🙂

    Thank you for giving me your blog address. I was going to ask as it wasn’t coming up.

    Yes, I am generally happy, so will check out your blog and try to cheer you up when I can. Or you can just pop over here to see what ridiculous situation I’ve put myself in lately 😉

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