Which will inevitably backfire in my face, but oh well at least I’ll know. So we all know that I went out with Big Red on Tuesday (or was it Wednesday?) and had a good time. He’s cute and nice and funny. He said he had a good time too. He suggested we go out again (yes, I know, they all do that). He even stood in the parking lot trying to get my Vegas dates correct for ‘scheduling purposes’. He responded to my ‘thanks, I had a good time’ text with an enthusiastic “great timing, I just got home and was going to send you the same thing!!!”. He is also the one that responded to my text the next day with a 1 sentence reply. And hasn’t texted since although he did every day up until we met.
Now I’m no dummy and know that his lack of communication is pretty much a flashing neon sign in my face that he’s not interested. Boo. He really doesn’t strike me as the kind of guy that would do the whole cheesy ‘me too, love to see you again, ha ha only kidding, fuck off’ sorta thing. Of course I’ve spent several days this week wondering what I did to change his mind (when I know I did nothing, but that’s just not how I roll). I can delude myself into thinking he’s just been busy. I can delude myself into thinking that he thinks I’m not interested. I can delude myself into a lot of things.
Here’s the thing about me though. I need to hear it from someone. I’m not good at leaving ‘loose ends’. I would rather someone tell me to piss off, than just fall off the face of the earth. I really have nothing to lose by suggesting that we get together again, right? Well, aside from some self respect that is, but I think that stuff regenerates anyway.
So I’ve been staring at my phone, afraid to hit ‘send’ on the mini essay I just wrote up. While I’m pretty sure I know what the answer will be, I’m going to send it anyway. Oh! If you’re wondering what the ‘new’ part of my trying something is, it’s this: I’m going to be honest. With my feelings. I don’t do that often as I think that gives people an ‘in’ to hurt me, but what the hell, right? Instead of acting all cavalier and like nothing matters, I’m going to let him know that I liked him and would like to see him again. I’m going to phrase it in such a way that pretty much forces an answer from him.
“Hi Big Red. I hope you had a good night at work last night. My crazy week is finally over, so I’m headed to Vegas. I will be back on Tuesday. I had a good time meeting you the other night. I think you’re a really good guy. Oddly enough, although you were the one to admit to being nervous, I actually was. Funny for me; I don’t get nervous. Hopefully you’re up for getting together again, so I was wondering if you wanted to do something on Wednesday?”
Short, sweet and to the point. Not all aloof and pessimistic (hee) and acting as if I don’t give a shit what he responds. Not playing that stupid ‘hard to get’ thing. If there’s even the slightest chance that he might want to see me again but is afraid that I didn’t like him, then I’ll take the hit to my ego and lay it out there.
I really need to just hit ‘send’ already. I will of course immediately hide my phone in a drawer so that I can’t see the flashing notification that I have a text ………..
*edited to add that the millisecond I sent it, I practically screamed NO at the phone …….. oy, now he’ll take my nervousness as something much too serious ……… i suck ……… oh, and I did throw my phone in a drawer………and have opened the drawer to check for a text response 3 times so far 😉