Ooops, sorry. I know, I hope I didn’t startle you all too much with that zinger of a title! 🙂 Enough already of my ‘woe is me’ bullshit. As I was ‘telling’ one of my bloggy buddies, I fully realize that I have things a hell of a lot better than a lot of people. I have a career I love, a job I hate (yet they pay me and it gives me security for when catering is slow), I have a roof over my head, I have great friends (eh, sometimes), I have pups who make me smile, and a lot of other things to be thankful for. So I happen to have the knees of a 90 year old, a family that sucks ass and am apparently incapable of attracting a decent guy, but whatev. I can drink like a fish and entertain the hell out of myself. Not everyone can say that. 😉
So I am going to take that frown and turn it upside down. Oh hell, I just made myself gag a little bit with that one. I’m going to take those lemons and make lemonade. Hmmm, that’s no better. I’m going to quit my self pitying whining and pull my head out of my ass! Yeah, that’s MUCH more fitting!
So Big Red, that rude child, doesn’t like me. Boo hoo. Here’s the upside:
1) I will be able to go out on school nights with no worry about curfew
2) I will never have to use the word ‘dude’ in conversation
3) I will never have to explain to his mother why ‘he seems so tired today’
4) I will not have to explain all the big words that I (rarely) use
5) I will be able to make Radar O’Reilley jokes and not have him stare blankly at me
6) I will not have to embarrass myself by asking why he would call Men At Work and ‘old ladies band’ when in actuality he called it an ‘old 80s band’ (oopsie)
7) I will find myself another strapping young man with a good body, a great heart, a cute face, red hair and an actual ability to respond to e-mails to take on a bike ride. Or 7.
Now, as for not seeing vacation fling while I am in Vegas. While this one is truly saddening and I know we’d have fun. No, not even that sort of fun, he’s just a good guy. Anywho, as I won’t be seeing him, the upside to that is:
1) I will not have to watch my alcohol consumption
2) I will not have to watch what I eat that day as heaven forbid I look bloated when I see him
3) I will not have to listen to him (sorta-accurately) call me a man-hater
4) I will not have to worry about packing flats to wear ’cause he’s only my height
5) I will be able to act my usual ridiculous self with absolutely no-one to be able to bear witness against me
6) I will, however, have to find another source for bail money should I need it 😉
7) I will be able to take out that cute dress I was going to wear just for him (he’s a boob man) and pack 2 additional pairs of shoes (which would bring me up to 4 for 2.5 days – not bad)
Here’s what’s good about the trip in general:
1) I got a cheap as shit room rate (like they’re practically paying me to stay there) complete with pool passes AND poolside cocktails. Yeah, yeah, I know, drinks are free in Vegas but now I won’t have to dislodge my ass from the lounge chair in order to go to the casino to act like I’m gambling 🙂
2) I will be able to walk down the street, drunkenly people watching to my favorite gambling casino, belly up to my favorite poker bar, and drink and chat to my heart’s content
3) I will be able to go to my favorite chinese food place for lunch there (there is NOT a good chinese place around me in phx and it makes me very sad)
4) I will not be packing tennis shoes or workout clothes as I fully intend to not delude myself into even thinking I’m going to workout while there
5) I love love love staying in hotel rooms! Okay sure, I love them more when there’s someone fun by my side, but whatever
6) I will not have my computer with me *gasp* and will only have my phone which is still much smarter than I am and I haven’t quite figured out how that whole ‘surfing the web’ thing works on it yet, so will not feel obligated to answer work e-mails
7) I have already pre-blamed Lil’ Red (you remember, the snarky little one who loved to refer to me as a Cougar and then promptly cancelled our date when I told him to stop it?) for any money I may lose at roulette as he told me his favorite numbers to play
8.) I will be able to sleep in on Monday morning instead of going to work
9) I will be able to blame my bad spelling and punctuation on having to type on the teeny tiny keypad on my phone should I make a blog post ……. or 5 😉
10) I will be able to have a blast, meet new people, make an ass out of myself, talk, laugh, gamble, drink, smile and flirt ’cause no one will know who I am 🙂
11) 80 degrees and sunny!
Oh, and as yesterday was my official last day on that horrid e-tortuous site, they opted to send me off with a bang by sending me 3 decent profiles. Well hell if I’m going to extend my membership, so I just sent them all e-mails with my ‘real’ e-mail address, explained that I was leaving the site, threw in a couple stupid compliments and I guess we’ll see what happens! 🙂 Problem is, if any of them respond, I’m not going to know who is who, what they look like or what they do or, most importantly, how tall they are! 😉 ha ha. Livin’ on the edge, I tell ya’ ……….