I never very much cared what people’s perception of me was. Sure, I hope they find me funny and witty, good company and a good hearted person, but beyond that, I have never acted in any way other than how I truly am. I realize that this blog, and my entire dating style may strike some as odd and I get that, I truly do. But it’s what works (or more accurately doesn’t) for me.
I am writing this partly to clear up any misconceptions that anyone might have about how seriously I take dating as well as to remind myself of why I do this. The way that I do this. I take no offense to people who disagree with my dating style or how I live my life, I welcome advice and opposing viewpoints but I just wanted to lay this all out there, ’cause that’s the way I am. 🙂 This is not in defense of anything that anyone has said to me, but sure, some comments are the partial catalyst behind it.
I date. I date a lot. I internet date because my daily life does not put me in situations that would afford me the opportunity to meet (and subsequently hit on, make out with in parking lots, whatever) men that it would be appropriate for me to be interested in. I date more than I ever expected or hoped to. Am I happy about it? Not so much. Do I remain optimistic? I do my best. I lead a very frenetic life. As for having time to go on all these dates, no, I don’t have a lot of it. I own my own business, I have a 2nd full time job, I manage several investment properties that I own, I have my dogs, my friends and seemingly everyone else in the world to take care of. If I choose to spend what little free time I have searching (somewhat in vain it appears) for a guy to make me happy, then that’s my decision to make. What works for one person in the online dating world, does not work for another.
I am truly searching for ‘the one’. Did I think it would take me this long? Hell no. The fact that I’ve gone out with 50+ guys in the past year and a half is highly depressing and disheartening. I absolutely discount the fact that I am a huge part of the equation in why none of them have worked out. For me. At this point, I’m not really even sure that I know what I’m looking for. Someone who is kind and smart and good hearted and witty. Someone who is driven and responsible yet knows how to have fun. Someone who cares about people, and me in particular. Oh, and they’ve got to be able to drink. I make no secret of my love for it. As I have a hard time getting my mind to shut down and stop worrying about all the ongoing challenges in my day-to-day life, it is my little escape. No, I don’t drink alone at home in the dark (well at least not all the time) ;-). But I like to go out. I like to have fun.
I do not have tons of free time. I joke that dating is a game for me. It’s not. I take it very seriously. I do have to have a sense of humor about it though or else I would be curled up in the fetal position crying due to the difficulties of it all. I meet a lot of guys. I agree to go out with only a fraction of those that contact me (or that I contact). Although I do think I’m a fairly good judge of character, I also think you can’t really tell what someone is like without face to face interaction. Chemistry counts for a lot. As does attraction. I don’t want to fall in love with someone’s personality only to find out that there is zero chemistry when we actually meet. I choose to meet guys sooner than later. I always say that I don’t want to get to know someone until I am sure that I want to get to know them.
I currently have several guys interested in me at the same time (or at least they were until we met – we’ll have to wait and see if I go out with any of them again). I can’t control when guys that I think might be compatible with what I’m looking for contact me. Do I wish they would spread themselves out a little bit instead of appearing all at once? Absolutely, but I am not going to pass up meeting a potentially good guy just because I have so much other white noise going on in the background. I choose to take what little free time I have to meet with them. I can’t tell otherwise. I go on a shitpot of 1st dates. I go on very few 2nd dates and even fewer 3rd. Nope, I’m not perfect. I don’t think perfect exists. I’m a tough cookie to handle. I hold very high standards. I’m smart and independent and don’t put up with a lot of bullshit. I really do ‘listen’ to people. I give the one that I’m with at the moment my undivided attention. I am inquisitive and interested. Am I spinning my wheels a lot of the time? It sure feels that way, but again, I can tell a lot more about someone through face to face interactions over e-mails or phone calls. I do not like disingenuous people. I do not like boastful people. I do not like greedy or needy or insecure or ignorant people. Do I possess any of these qualities myself? Hmmmm, I guess at times I do, but I try not to let them come to the forefront and are certainly not a major component of who I am.
I really am looking for a great guy. A great guy for me. Any way that I know how. I do not want to grow old alone. I want to have someone to laugh with and talk to about my day. I want to have someone who cares about me. I give as good as I get, so although I may seem to hold exceptionally high standards at times (sure, i goof a lot), don’t think for a second that I don’t hold myself to those same standards.
Do I wish I didn’t have to date so much? That I could just meet one good guy (for me) and be done with it all? Absolutely. I refuse to give up though (at least not yet) and try to remain optimistic about it all. Do I think that there is a terrific guy out there for me? I really don’t know but if I allow myself to think, even for a second, that there isn’t anyone out there for me, well then, that would be the saddest day ever. 😦
I’m snarky and funny and sarcastic and self deprecating about it all. I make fun of them of me and of situations. I do take this quest seriously. It is a priority for me. I cannot allow it to take over my thoughts or my life though as damn that would be one long woe is me sorta way to live. 😉
As always I am amazed and humbled that others follow along with my endless quest. I never started this blog even thinking that anyone would read it other than myself. I’ve made many friends and to date, just one non-friend, through this. I find that truly heart warming. This post is not in defense of any comments that have been offered to me. Like I said, I appreciate all the advice and encouragement that you give me. I get a little bit confused and have certainly had my judgement clouded, so reading different viewpoints or suggestions is amazingly helpful. For that, I thank you.