43 & Single – Heaven Help Me, I've Resorted To Internet Dating!

Ridiculous & Random Stories & Thoughts on My Experiences

This Is How I Do It May 8, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 9:16 am
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I never very much cared what people’s perception of me was.  Sure, I hope they find me funny and witty, good company and a good hearted person, but beyond that, I have never acted in any way other than how I truly am.  I realize that this blog, and my entire dating style may strike some as odd and I get that, I truly do.  But it’s what works (or more accurately doesn’t) for me.

I am writing this partly to clear up any misconceptions that anyone might have about how seriously I take dating as well as to remind myself of why I do this.  The way that I do this.  I take no offense to people who disagree with my dating style or how I live my life, I welcome advice and opposing viewpoints but I just wanted to lay this all out there, ’cause that’s the way I am. 🙂 This is not in defense of anything that anyone has said to me, but sure, some comments are the partial catalyst behind it.

I date.  I date a lot.  I internet date because my daily  life does not put me in situations that would afford me the opportunity to meet (and subsequently hit on, make out with in parking lots, whatever) men that it would be appropriate for me to be interested in.  I date more than I ever expected or hoped to.  Am I happy about it?  Not so much.  Do I remain optimistic?  I do my best.  I lead a very frenetic life.  As for having time to go on all these dates, no, I don’t have a lot of it.  I own my own business, I have a 2nd full time job, I manage several investment properties that I own, I have my dogs, my friends and seemingly everyone else in the world to take care of.   If I choose to spend what little free time I have searching (somewhat in vain it appears) for a guy to make me happy, then that’s my decision to make.   What works for one person in the online dating world, does not work for another.

I am truly searching for ‘the one’.  Did I think it would take me this long?  Hell no.  The fact that I’ve gone out with 50+ guys in the past year and a half is highly depressing and disheartening.  I absolutely discount the fact that I am a huge part of the equation in why none of them have worked out.  For me.  At this point, I’m not really even sure that I know what I’m looking for.  Someone who is kind and smart and good hearted and witty.  Someone who is driven and responsible yet knows how to have fun.  Someone who cares about people, and me in particular.  Oh, and they’ve got to be able to drink.  I make no secret of my love for it.  As I have a hard time getting my mind to shut down and stop worrying about all the ongoing challenges in my day-to-day life, it is my little escape.  No, I don’t drink alone at home in the dark (well at least not all the time) ;-).  But I like to go out.  I like to have fun.

I do not have tons of free time.  I joke that dating is a game for me.  It’s not.  I take it very seriously.  I do have to have a sense of humor about it though or else I would be curled up in the fetal position crying due to the difficulties of it all.  I meet a lot of guys.  I agree to go out with only a fraction of those that contact me (or that I contact).    Although I do think I’m a fairly good judge of character, I also think you can’t really tell what someone is like without face to face interaction.  Chemistry counts for a lot.  As does attraction.  I don’t want to fall in love with someone’s personality only to find out that there is zero chemistry when we actually meet.  I choose to meet guys sooner than later.  I always say that I don’t want to get to know someone until I am sure that I want to get to know them.

I currently have several guys interested in me at the same time (or at least they were until we met – we’ll have to wait and see if I go out with any of them again).  I can’t control when guys that I think might be compatible with what I’m looking for contact me.  Do I wish they would spread themselves out a little bit instead of appearing all at once?  Absolutely, but I am not going to pass up meeting a potentially good guy just because I have so much other white noise going on in the background.  I choose to take what little free time I have to meet with them.  I can’t tell otherwise.  I go on a shitpot of 1st dates.  I go on very few 2nd dates and even fewer 3rd.  Nope, I’m not perfect.  I don’t think perfect exists.  I’m a tough cookie to handle.  I hold very high standards.  I’m smart and independent and don’t put up with a lot of bullshit.  I really do ‘listen’ to people.  I give the one that I’m with at the moment my undivided attention.  I am inquisitive and interested.  Am I spinning my wheels a lot of the time?  It sure feels that way, but again, I can tell a lot more about someone through face to face interactions over e-mails or phone calls.  I do not like disingenuous people.  I do not like boastful people.  I do not like greedy or needy or insecure or ignorant people.  Do I possess any of these qualities myself?  Hmmmm, I guess at times I do, but I try not to let them come to the forefront and are certainly not a major component of who I am.

I really am looking for a great guy.  A great guy for me.  Any way that I know how.  I do not want to grow old alone.  I want to have someone to laugh with and talk to about my day.  I want to have someone who cares about me.  I give as good as I get, so although I may seem to hold exceptionally  high standards at times (sure, i goof a lot), don’t think for a second that I don’t hold myself to those same standards.

Do I wish I didn’t have to date so much?  That I could just meet one good guy (for me) and be done with it all?  Absolutely.  I refuse to give up though (at least not yet) and try to remain optimistic about it all.  Do I think that there is a terrific guy out there for me?  I really don’t know but if I allow myself to think, even for a second, that there isn’t anyone out there for me, well then, that would be the saddest day ever. 😦

I’m snarky and funny and sarcastic and self deprecating about it all.  I make fun of them of me and of situations.  I do take this quest seriously.  It is a priority for me.  I cannot allow it to take over my thoughts or my life though as damn that would be one long woe is me sorta way to live. 😉


As always I am amazed and humbled that others follow along with my endless quest.  I never started this blog even thinking that anyone would read it other than myself.  I’ve made many friends and to date, just one non-friend, through this.  I find that truly heart warming.  This post is not in defense of any comments that have been offered to me.  Like I said, I appreciate all the advice and encouragement that you give me.  I get a little bit confused and have certainly had my judgement clouded, so reading different viewpoints or suggestions is amazingly helpful.  For that, I thank you.


13 Responses to “This Is How I Do It”

  1. mysterycoach Says:

    Couldn’t have said this better myself if you had been typing it for me… I love this… I feel the same way on almost all levels of what you’re saying. Matter of fact, I was thinking about being a single parent after I wrote here this morning and I texted a young guy who works with me who has a female friend I met, who may be able to be a back up sitter for my daughter. The girl I usually would use is in CA until July some time and my friends are all busy with their lives so I dont’ want to leave her alone while Mom goes out to do whatever it is I find to do.

    Or, you know… date. She says she’s old enough to be alone at night and I don’t want to put her in this position. As I don’t have extensive family it’s high time I developed a back up plan so I know that she’s safe and I can relax when I go out. 🙂

    Imagine? When we’re kids we have a curfew and when we’re older, we end up with one too? ROFLMAO! You just gotta love the irony.

  2. mysterycoach Says:

    One more thing …. I’m not the mushiest gooey person, although I am affectionate but … (((( Hug ))))

    • Grey Goose, Dirty Says:

      Thanks MC. It all gets overwhelming at times, but since I don’t have any great guys randomly walking thru my neighborhood and knocking on my door, it’s what I need to do …… for now 😉

      • mysterycoach Says:

        I hear ya… Oh honey! they’re all over here! rofl! All articulate, attentive, sexy have a clue who they are, they’re grounded and down to earth… 🙂 they do thoughtful things for me ALL the time and without my even bringing it up, it’s truly a blessing… (I didn’t lace that with enough sarcasm did I… Ugh, shame!)

        I’m taking a little break… save up for one of those hobbies and start going to do more things. I’m not sure which one, but we’ll see…

        I like Frog’s (or Click’s) idea… shiny new bike to ride LOL 🙂

  3. Well as you know we pretty much have the same outlook. I learned pretty quickly from online dating that it was a waste of time to email, text, email, call, talk to, text, text, text, talk on the phone, text….. feel like are making a connection, then meet somebody and Whaaa.. Wa.. Wa… No chemistry whatsoever. Gotta meet ’em to see. Yeah, it became old and boring and exhausting but then you meet someone you may like. Or you go on a truly horrendous date that you can talk and laugh about forever more…. And then, maybe, just maybe you find a Shiny New Bike to ride all over town. I’m more concerned with people who haven’t been on many dates or find their true live within their match.com trial period. Don’t give up and keep having fun 😉

    • Grey Goose, Dirty Says:

      Thanks Click! I know connections can be made online. You found a great guy. I’ve found someone online who ‘gets’ me, who is absolutely awesome and who I know will be part of my life for years and years to come. Too bad I have no desire to take you on a bike ride. 😉

      • But I can be your wingman in your quest to find a good bike to ride ;-). And of course you are my long distance counselor because even after we find a great guy they still drive us crazy from time-to-time.

        • Grey Goose, Dirty Says:

          you know what they say: ‘those that can’t do, teach’ 😉

          and yes, you’re an awesome wingman! too bad you live in another state though.

  4. Surrey gal Says:

    I admire your determination, your patience, your sense of humour about this dating thing.
    And I think if you are looking for this one you must date a lot of guys, otherwise it would take ten times longer! I mean when we buy shoes we try many pairs on – in the same shop, on the same day… it’s kind of similar situation with men, isn’t it.. 🙂

    • Grey Goose, Dirty Says:

      awesome analogy, Surrey. thanks. I’m not sure if it’s determination or just being a glutton for punishment though …….. i do love a hot pair of shoes though ….

  5. stevesw Says:

    Oh, shit, I’m a pair of “shoes”… Believe it or not, men have the same problem (dating, not trying on shoes). Most of the people I know say I am way too picky about who I will date. That’s the way it has to be. I ask a woman out because I feel we can enjoy spending the time together and it could lead to a second date. So I do not aim for dates every weekend. One date wonders, ending in mutual ‘it was nice, but…’ is the norm. Even so, in the past twelve months I have had 2 ½ total disaster dates (the half was a strange lunch date that was not really a date, but was a date – she was very confusing). Then, until this past December I truly enjoyed dating one woman exclusively over a three month period. There was no ‘let’s spend the rest of our lives together’ aspirations, no pressure, just enjoying the moment. She wanted to stop for very sound personal reasons and I understood. Finding dates? I have a terrible finding dates situation. I live in a bedroom community near a small town, work 50 miles away at a job with little public interaction, and most of the people I know live equal distances in the opposite direction. eHorror me just sent some free, no photo, prospects and most live 20 plus miles away, and 90 % were too old, too into church 24/7, too into nothing I am really interested in. One does seem like a good prospect, but, from her profile responses, in the back of my head I think I met her at a social gathering (small town problem) and she wanted to go out with me; but I don’t date women who are separated, or married (a personal thing, I did not date when I was separated for three years – display weeping emoticons).

    • Grey Goose, Dirty Says:

      yeah, but you’re an awesome pair of keeper shoes, Steve ~ not some shitty throw away pair of flip flops 😉

      you should be picky about who you’ll date. i’m not as picky as I should be regarding 1st dates, but I’m damn tough to get a 2nd date with 😉

      funny, I had a 1/2 date too …… the idiot who ran away from me in a bar skreetching ‘i can’t deal’ before running home to his mother ……

      ahh, the world of internet dating …….. ain’t it grand?

    • mysterycoach Says:

      I have a personal preference too as Steve is saying. If someone is separated or married (well they are still married of they’re separated) I don’t date them either. I hadda guy who was separated going to be divorced a few months later want to go out and I declined. It hits people when they sign those papers no matter how long it’s been. At least I’ve seen it and experienced it myself “even when you know it’s for the best” it seems to just whop you right in your midsection some where and knock the breath out of you.

      I’ve noticed how dates go they are truly like interviews. I can see why, we have kids and preferences and things. Like a guy who has no attachments I may not be a good match for because I’m not spontaneous. I have a child so I have to make plans, get up and go isn’t in my reality. They’re all important things. One guy he liked my profile I read his and he had 5 children… “5” … OMG… no, my brain wouldn’t wrap around that. 5… wow… not a match for me. And me with 1 could be a bad match for someone else too.

      I do find myself wondering just how much we have to have in common with a person. Some things to have in common are great. Does it have to be every little thing? I mean, like … I’m not going fishing, maybe to try but not as my hobby. You go fish, I’ll go write or something. We can get out of one another’s hair for a little while.. .ya know? Agh… sometimes I think we filter so much information it all gets jumbled up in our heads. It has in mine and I keep sifting through to process what’s right for me.

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