43 & Single – Heaven Help Me, I've Resorted To Internet Dating!

Ridiculous & Random Stories & Thoughts on My Experiences

What The Hell Did She Say? May 9, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 11:57 am

It has come to my attention that with all of my lame phrases and euphemisms that I use (and dearly love), some are a bit er, lost in my posts.  Nope, not just you Sean, but yeah, we’ll use you for the catalyst.  Following is far from a comprehensive list, but has some of my most favorite (lame) terms that I like to use:

Tool ~ nope, not something handy around the house like a butter knife for wall screws (minds out of the gutter people ~ but damn I miss a good wall screw …… oops, I digress) or a shoe to hammer in nails, but more like 80% of the men that internet date (at least in my area)

Tool Box ~ a whole gaggle of Tools

Douche/Douchebag/Douchey ~ a step down from being a tool ~ sort of like the pinnacle of bad/stupid/wrong behaviour

A Rusty Fork In The Eye ~ I save this for my most painful experiences as it’s just about the worst thing I can think of, yet preferable to probably 40% of my dates

Idaho Sandwich Maker ~ this is reserved for window licking ‘special’ people.  Now, while I happen to LOVE Idaho (and  lived there for many years) and while they do have good sandwiches, this is a bit of an inside joke between Click and I 😉 (be forewarned, if I refer to you as one, it’s no good)

Bike Ride ~ has absolutely nothing to do with a bicycle, a motorcycle, spin class or anything of the sort.  I do believe it is a good cardio/endurance workout (if done properly) but the only ‘equipment’ needed is brought by your partner 😉

Properly Inflated Tires ~ sadly, this phrase was coined by my pal Click in reference to my douchebag Irish Guy ~ who had a flat ~ and blamed it on my dogs

Flat Tire ~ ill working equipment, and a reason to be asked to exit the premises immediately

Environmentally Correct ~ the never good idea of recycling an ex

OkStupid ~ the free dating site called OkCupid (but stupid is much more fitting) ~ they have lame questions that supposedly give you great insight into the people who contact you such as ‘do you know what sperm tastes like?’ ~ yeah, enough said

Plenty of Tools / Plenty of Freaks ~ the worst dating site EVER (next to e-harmony and jdate) made of up of mostly married, socially retarded or just plain creepy guys

E-Whoremany ~ E-Harmony which I’ve only given my opinion on about 4,000 times on here ~ takes you 3 days to fill out their questionnaire so that they can proceed to match you with totally inappropriate and midget-esque guys who then embark on an eternal volley of ill-fitting multiple choice questions and answers …… it’s just bad …….. don’t

I realize there are many more lame phrases that I use that probably confuse and bewilder, but these are the top ones that come to mind right now. 🙂  Welcome to my world!

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7 Responses to “What The Hell Did She Say?”

  1. mysterycoach Says:

    ROFL!!! 🙂

  2. stevesw Says:

    I personally do not like sandwiches because I don’t share; but open-faced sandwiches are nice, you get to admire the parts while you eat.

  3. Enjoying a nicely made sandwich (open faced or not) is not the same as making one. But some people have special skills, so who am I to judge (hahahhaha, just kidding on the judging part).

    Hmmmm…. I always considered a douchebag above a tool and a toolbag above both as the ultimate combo of both.

    I have been training in bike riding quite a bit and I am very thankful that I haven’t yet encountered improperly inflated tires let alone (eeeekkkk!) a flat one. Sometimes the bike ride ends quickly, which is fine as long as a leisurely ride is also possible. A scenic ride is always nice but a bumpy rough one can be fun as well.

    Oh, and sorry I tried to recycle that rusty old bike I used to ride to you. Never a good idea.

    • Grey Goose, Dirty Says:

      well now, I mean that douchebags are a step down than a tool as in being worse than that. Sorta like this:

      1) The Antichrist
      2) Douchebag
      3) Tool

      and I just use toolbag as a plural ……. eh, who knows ……… it’s a shame i even get to use these terms to often

  4. Surrey gal Says:

    I’m learning from you, all the time! I learnt douchebag (and I managed to figure out myself what it means) now I learnt tool, like that a lot 🙂

    • Grey Goose, Dirty Says:

      haha! glad I could help (and sorry that we even need these terms) 😉 You all still have the best one ever though …… Knob! I love, love, love that!


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