And believe me you, that was about 47 minutes too long. Actually, about 49 minutes too long because right when I walked in a he gave me this uncomfortably lingering hug (and I’m pretty sure he smelled my hair), I knew he wasn’t the guy for me. Anyway, what fun would it be if that’s all I said, so I’ll take you through the whole painful experience.
1st things 1st. I’m an idiot. Duh, we all know that. I picked the place. I picked a wine bar that I really like from when
an amazing kisser a douchebag who cancelled on me hours before our 2nd date took me there. Only I got the places mixed up and ended up ‘choosing’ some place that I had never been to before that ended up being really far from me! Duh, my navigational skills are equally as bad as my guy picking skills are. We all know that’s bad! So I show up and he smiles at me with these wide open eyes (I mean really wide open – disconcertingly so) and smiles at me with just about the most fucked up teeth I’ve ever seen. I don’t know if he was actually missing teeth, but there were huge gaps in between all of his front teeth. I mean huge – like 1/4 inch at least. Yikes. Since the guy has these weirdly intense wolf eyes going on paired with really bad teeth, I have no clue where I am supposed to look when talking to him. So I pretty much looked everywhere but at him.
He is not the best conversationalist in the world and it was sort of like pulling teeth. No pun intended…….. but fitting. I would ask him questions and he would give very stilted answers. He, in turn, would ask ‘so tell me about you’ which I find to be the most retarded question in the universe. What about me would you like to know? When I learned to talk? Who my 1st best friend was? What sort of music I like? Ask a specific question people!! Anyway, I start looking at the table, spinning my rings, playing with my wine glass (i think I gotta draw the line at martinis 3 nights in a row) and grasping at straws. Everything I say, he’s practically leaning on the table hanging on my every word while staring intently at me with his weird eyes the whole time. Sure, that would be great if a guy that had potential found me so amazing, but yeah, no thank you. I tell him I have a really early day in the morning and he (thank god) picks up on my none too subtle hint. And I’m pretty sure he’s picked up on my other ‘no thank you’ cues. So we get the check and he pays (very nice of him) and he’s squinting at the cc receipt and can’t figure out which one to sign so asked if I could help him. I reach over to grab the copies and he takes the opportunity to grab my hand and tell me (and I quote) ‘that I have a very soft hand and it feels nice’ …………..eww gross. I sort of yank my hand away, say thank you, make one of my patented horrified faces that I never really intend to make, but they happen anyway, and then we go.
As much as I wanted to sprint to my car, I was wearing heels and was afraid I’d face plant. As that would be pretty par for the course. He walks me to my car and I take a step back and say ‘thank you so much for the wine, have a nice evening’ and start to turn around. Well he grabs me, gives me another lingering hug and ………….wait for it ………… tries to kiss me!!!! Like a full on kiss! Gross! What the hell was he thinking? I don’t mean like a quick peck or a kiss on the cheek, I mean a full on kiss that I usually reserve for heavy drinking evenings with guys I actually kinda like (or at least who do not make me cringe). Anyway I turned my head really fast and practically jumped in the car. Lovely.
So, in highlights version: bad teeth, weirdly intense eyes, short, reminded me a hell of a lot of Irish Guy, bad conversationalist, nothing in common.
Weird fact for my date-a-thon dates this past week: Skinny Guy is and Avionics Engineer and works for Boeing, Monday’s guy is a Software Engineer and is contracting with Boeing, This guy is an auditor with …….. you guessed it …. Boeing!! How weird is that?!? And I wonder if they all know each other. LMAO!
The best part of my night? I found $20 in my jeans. 🙂 See, it wasn’t all bad. Just most of it!
oh and before anyone jumps all over me for not ‘noticing’ his screwed up teeth prior to meeting him, I was also wondering how I could miss something so glaringly obvious. I just went back and looked at his pics and all of his smiles are closed mouthed. Great. So let’s add one more ‘red flag’ thing that we should look out for to our ever growing list. I should sue for misrepresentation!