So it’s bulk trash week in my neighborhood. You know, the week that you drag out all the worthless crap that you’ve been saving for god knows how long just ‘in case’ you ever might need it. It’s the stuff that’s too big to fit in your normal garbage receptacles, so you drag it all out to the curb to be picked up. But not before putting it on display for all your neighbors to see. Nice. Sorta like a literal version of airing your dirty laundry.
Well in celebration of bulk trash week, I have opted to declare it ‘bulk dating trash’ week as well. I have been going through my phone deleting way too many numbers for guys that I have absolutely no clue who they are. They are all labelled with names such as Chris – E Harm, Bill – OkStupid, Mark – Match. I don’t know who they are, if I ever actually spoke to them or what became of them. Well wait a minute, that’s not accurate, I do know that nothing came of them or else I’d recognize their names and numbers. It’s time to drag them out to the curb to be tossed in with the other junk.
As I have declared a temporary moratorium on internet dating, I have also gone through my saved e-mails to get rid of those as well. More power to the people who save all of this shit. Have their guys in notebooks and spreadsheet and power point presentations. I keep e-mails because sometimes they make me laugh to see the stupid shit that guys write, but by and large, they are just a reminder of how many guys I’ve gone through or wasted my time on this year. I usually get rid of them every few months and sure, there are some that I wish I hadn’t gotten rid of, but in the end, if they were good guys, liked me, I liked them or we had any sort of potential, I wouldn’t need to be looking at past e-mails as I would still be in contact with them.
Sure, there are some that I still wonder about. Like my ‘friend’ Paul who sent me my 1st ever dear john letter (in e-mail form, of course) after date 3. My intention on ‘remaining friends’ with him was in hopes that he would change his mind and realize that he did want to go out with me again. Yeah, I got over that notion real quick. When you’re not right for someone or they’re not right for you, then that’s that. We have remained friends over the last year and used to go out to lunch about once a month. It occurred to me last week, though that I hadn’t heard from him in a few months so I sent a typical smarmy text that went something like this ‘I used to have a friend named Paul at this number, so if you happen to see him, please tell him I say hello and that I hope that he is well’. To which I get a reply (within about 2 minutes) that cryptically says ‘We need to talk. Sorry.’ Erm…….. sorta ominous sounding. As we don’t really have anything to talk about concerning us, I have no idea what he means. I haven’t heard back from him and do hope that everything is okay, but that was sorta weird.
I look back on so many of my dates and actually smile. For a variety of reason. Because they were nice, but gropey (and gay). Because they were just idiots. Because they were fun. I’ve had a shitpot of horrible dates. I’ve had several good dates. I just haven’t had any dates that really led to anything. Here’s the thing with me though. I need to get rid of things that enable me to look back at the past. It does absolutely no good to dwell on things that didn’t work out. I am very well aware of my shortcomings (as small a list as it may be 😉 ), I am also aware of some of their shortcomings (glaringly so). I don’t want to be someone who looks back and always wonders why. I want to be the gal that remains optimistic and looks towards the future!
The gal that is able to delude myself into thinking that my 60+ dates from the past 2 years were just warming me up for the great guy that I have yet to meet. The one that I will just know is the one for me. Hopefully he’ll be wearing some sort of a written sandwich board stating that fact as I don’t seem to be too sharp on picking up subtleties lately. So I may be on a short break right now. So I let the events of the past few months get me down. I really need to focus on the positives. Like how many free drinks I’ve gotten! 🙂 How many times I’ve laughed hysterically on a date (either at something my date has said, or just at my date himself -oopsie). Yup, I’ve wasted a hell of a lot of time with guys that weren’t who I thought they were. I’m sure many of the guys who’ve met me think the same thing (although I am never anything but honest about who I am – the good, the bad and the ugly). I’ve had good dates, I’ve had bad dates. That’s just how it works in the craptastic world of online dating. I can’t let it get me down.
So in honor of the City of Phoenix having bulk trash pickup this week, I am adding my bulk date trash to the old wrought iron chairs that I have no clue why I even purchased in the 1st place that are currently on the curb for all to see. Hey, this blog is sorta like the curb. I air all my dirty laundry for everyone to see. I guess I could get a city job after all, huh?