43 & Single – Heaven Help Me, I've Resorted To Internet Dating!

Ridiculous & Random Stories & Thoughts on My Experiences

So I Cheated May 15, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 12:51 am
Tags: , ,

But it wasn’t my fault.  And my heart wasn’t in it anyway.  And it meant nothing.  None of them did.  Not one of the 5 ‘mandatory’ messages I had to send out on Match in order to not violate my 6 month agreement thingie.  What the hell is a 6 month agreement thingie, you ask?  It’s a horribly insulting promotion that Match runs in order to lure new members to their site and then make you feel like a ginormous loser if you can’t find someone in 6 months by ‘rewarding’ you with your next 6 months free.  Yeah, I was the lucky recipient of the 6 month loser award last year and I look to be on track for the same stellar luck this year. 😉  The requirements are to keep your profile active and visible – no biggie.  And to send out 5 e-mails to members you haven’t contacted in the past every single month.  Shouldn’t be a daunting task, right? 

Well, if you’re apathetic about the whole thing and haven’t really even logged onto match lately, I guess it is.  I have been receiving a lot of messages that I really have no interest in responding to, but as this is my ‘bulk trash week’ for internet dating, I logged on today to clear out my ‘inbox’ (hee hee, that’s just sounds dirty).  Sadly, I saw that I had exactly 2 days left to send out my 5 monthly messages.  Super.  So of course I did what any normal gal who is down on internet dating does when faced with such a challenge.  I responded to one of the message I got.  I sent out 3 other random messages.  And I sent a message to that dipshit from last year that dumped me 3 hours before our 2nd date as he’d met someone better.  Loser.

So the guy I responded to wasn’t all that stellar, but seemed nice enough.  He did mention in his profile though that he had a ‘unique’ living situation.  Red flag anyone?  He lives with his parents?  In a commune?  With his 4 wives?  Of course, even though I have no real interest in the guy I had to ask.  Erm, he’s living in a trailer park right now.  In his truck.  With a camper thingie attached.  As he’s ‘really picky’ about where he lives and is not comfortable with apartment living due to the lack of security.  Huh.  I never realized living out of your camper was considered high security.  I think I would have rather heard that he was living with his parents.

The 3 random guys I don’t expect to hear back from as I just sent some lame ‘nice profile, made me laugh’ bullshit.  No need to let them know that they were just ‘filler’. Or that I didn’t bother to even read their profiles.  Or that they were just the 1st 3 profiles that came up 😉 shhhhh ………..

To douchey from last year I sent ‘Hi Dickhead, Funny, match sent your profile to me as a potential match.  I’m sorry to see you back on here as apparently that means that the great girl that you met last year wasn’t so great.  I’m sure you’ll have better luck this time around’ ………… snarky enough?

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16 Responses to “So I Cheated”

  1. mysterycoach Says:

    errr, uuuhhhmmmm … ROFLMAO! 🙂 (cough, s’cuse me)

  2. Ha! I was so excited about my free six months. Uhm…. You could also send emails to that trollop Carney, Polka (my friend’s faux) and dodo3997 if you’re ever jammed up. Also just responding to dorks that email you with a “no thanks we’re not match” counts as well.

    • Grey Goose, Dirty Says:

      shoulda figured you’d know the ins and outs 😉 I wasn’t sure if just replying to someone who had already contacted me would count and god forbid i send out 1 more e mail than is absolutely necessary 😉

      oooh, thanks for offering up Carney (i thought it was Carley?), Polka & dodo3997 ………. I can go the lesbian route for a while

      • Well her “real” name is midtown_carley, but Midway Carney works equally well for that tramp and kinda evolved into her nickname. Polka actually isn’t called polka but she likes polka dancing. Ha-Ha. Funny (sad?) that the fake profiles have nicknames.

  3. Lol! I’ve never tried the whole internet dating thing, but almost feel like jumping into it just so I can write posts like that 😉

    • Grey Goose, Dirty Says:

      Internet dating is not for the faint of heart BAS. It’s a tough road to go, so if you can avoid it at all costs, I would say skip it! A funny post just isn’t worth it 😉

  4. Surrey gal Says:

    Ha ha ha, lovely email to the Dickhead.
    I didn’t know they can make you send five or whatever emails every month!!!
    Maybe I should set a challenge like this to myself, write one email a day… so far I’m not seeing on a dating site anybody I’d like to meet 😦

    • Grey Goose, Dirty Says:

      🙂 ini order to enact the ‘loser clause’ of not meeting someone in 6 months so getting the next 6 months free has a couple of stipulations. One being to send out 5 e-mails a month. Not really that hard to do unless you leave it ’til the last minute and then you’ll just write anyone 😉

  5. stevesw Says:

    Just to make you ladies feel good, while I was away from my computer for the last few days (and did not want to waste battery time using me ol’ phon’o), I received 96 emails from eHorrorme which contained 78 new free matches (based on only a 22% completed profile), and the rest were concerning why I should take advantage of this wonderful site. That 22%, by the way, did mention my age, interests, and distance preferences. Okkkkkkkkkkkay, less than 10 % lived within 20 miles of my location; most lived between 50 and 135 miles away. 135 miles, one state, and a hell of a commute for a Friday night, away. At least 75% were way too old; were talking 8-10 years. And to make life more interesting, it seems all 78 are hot to talk to me. Gee Grey, I could have a date for every night for the next 2 1/2 months. And the worst part is I have no idea how to delete the matches. I did change my settings to ‘no more matches till I say so.’ Thankfully I set up a new gmail account for this fun.

  6. jgavinallan Says:

    This type of dating mystifies me–learning a lot

    Jaye

    • Grey Goose, Dirty Says:

      You’ve got to have broad shoulder and fairly thick skin. It’s a tough way to try and find a ‘good’ guy, but if you are able to see the humor in it and not take it too seriously, you’ll survive. (and be able to entertain your friends with all the horror stories) 😉


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