43 & Single – Heaven Help Me, I've Resorted To Internet Dating!

Ridiculous & Random Stories & Thoughts on My Experiences

Do As I Say, Not As I Do, Part 57 May 17, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 12:25 am
Tags: , ,

So it’s funny, a lot of my blog friends are dipping their toes into the cesspool of online dating.  I’m hoping that their luck is MUCH better than mine.  Not being an expert (on much of anything), I thought I would give a few tips and pointers as well as some (probably not very) helpful suggestions.

Now, while online dating may seem like an entirely different animal and very odd to some (and me), ‘normal’ rules DO apply.  Do not feel the need to respond to anyone that is rude, annoying, stupid, offensive, or that you have absolutely no interest in.  As much as it sucks (for everyone) you can sort of expect to have some e-mails that you send out ignored as well.  The main thing is that if  you wouldn’t put up with some guy asking what your bra size or income is in person, then there is no reason to put up with it online either.  If you’re into that sort of thing however, well then online dating is just the thing for you! 😉

You need to be a bit cautious and pay close attention to what profiles say.  I hate that online dating has made me cynical (moreso than I was before), but there are a lot of dishonest people out there.  I do take people at face value and trust what they say, however I do pay attention to details and discrepencies in stories.  I’m just sayin’…….

I always set up ‘dates’ sooner than later.  I don’t care how smart, cute, witty, whatever a guy is, if there is no physical chemistry, then forget it.  I always say that I don’t want to waste my time getting to know someone before I know that I want to get to know them! 😉  Superficial to some, but whatever.  I will not exchange more than a few e-mails, text messages, whatever before suggesting meeting for a ‘quick drink’.  You can tell so much more in person than via any other method of communication.  And physical attraction counts!

Which brings me to the next point.  Although I may not like many of the guys that I actually meet, I LOVE a good cocktail, so that is what I always suggest.  I do not do dinner or lunch dates (unless I’m really hungry and bored) 😉 as there is no quick escape.   Always suggest meeting for a ‘quick drink’ because you have to let the dogs out/get home to your kids/had a long day/whatever.  If you’re having a lousy time, then there’s your out.  If you’re having a great time, then you can make an ‘exception’ for them and stay longer. 😉

Try not to be nervous.  Be conversational.  Chances are, the guy is just as nervous as you are.  For me, I usually talk about nothing.  I don’t quiz people, nor do I delve into serious things.  I would rather just see if the guy can hold a conversation and hold my interest.

Always, always, always meet in a public place and drive your own car.  Do not give our personal information upfront.  Phone number is fine, address is not!

I usually have the guy pick the place to meet.  Being the bitch that I am, I like to ‘grade’ them on their selection.  Sure, if push comes to shove, I’ll choose, but if the guy is a total wimp about it, then he’s probably a total wimp about a lot of things.

Now let’s move on to the bane of my existence.  Ridiculously toolish pictures:

1) closed mouth smiles usually equal bad teeth. 

2) Fuzzy pictures usually equal not a pretty sight with clear vision. 

3) Pictures taken next to a harley, a muscle car or anything of the sort can go one of 2 ways: either going through a midlife crisis, or they have a tiny penis.

4) Pictures taken in a bathroom mirror are just lame

5) Shirtless pics are equally as lame (unless you’re just looking for a good bike ride, then have at it) 😉

6) Pictures from very far away probably mean that you should stay very far away

7) Pictures with a date stamp from 1997 aren’t current 😉

Be selective.  You deserve to be.  Never settle. 

You have GOT to have a sense of humor about it.  There are a lot of gross guys (and girls) out there.  You cannot take it personally.  It seems that the less someone has to offer, the more apt they are to contact you. 😉

Now here are my ‘do as i say and not as i do’ top 5.  ‘Cause although I know better, I break every single one of them.  On a regular basis:

1) Do not have more than 2 drinks

2) Do not full on make-out on the 1st date (regardless of how hot/funny/awesome) he is

3) A quick text if you liked him telling him you had a good time is great, but DO NOT text then e-mail then text again ‘just to make sure’ they got your first text 😉

4) Be confident and know that even if you liked them and they don’t like you, then it’s their loss and not yours

5) Do not waste your time going out with guys who you have concerns about even before meeting

With all of this being said, anyone that has followed my blog for more than an hour knows that I have yet to find a great guy in over 17 months.  Sure, I fuck up too, but it’s much easier to blame the guys. 😉  You have to weed through a lot of people and when you finally think that you’ve found a good one, you may (or may not) be proven wrong.  You just have to try to stay positive and know that there IS one shiny penny hidden amongst the pile of shit that is internet dating. 🙂

Oh, and if you’re wondering about what the pros & cons of the different dating website are, then take a gander.  And never ever never join this one. 😉 And, if you’re very lucky, in the near future I’ll give a personal review of each and every website that I’ve been on with the added bonus of posting a link the most horrific wonderful date that I’ve been on from each. 😉  Yey you!


OMG! I can’t believe I forgot the most important thing!  Take whatever height they claim to be and subtract 2 inches! 🙂


5 Responses to “Do As I Say, Not As I Do, Part 57”

  1. Haunted_Doc Says:

    Hahahah you’re friggin funny! Both #3s made me crack up, so true! 😉 All the best with ‘that’ shiny penny!

  2. everevie Says:

    Yay me!!

    The very first guy I went out with from Match last year, was very cute in all his pics. Too bad I didn’t know, until I met him, that his pics were around 10 years old…and he didn’t have the same amount of hair…or the same phsyique. Oh…and his purported 5’11 was closer to 5’9″.

  3. Surrey gal Says:

    Ha ha ha! That’s a wonderful mine of dating knowledge!! Printed and put up on the fridge (ok, not really, but could be!)

    As for this advice “A quick text if you liked him telling him you had a good time is great, but DO NOT text then e-mail then text again ‘just to make sure’ they got your first text ;-)” I seem to remember you are talking from your very own experience too, right? 😉

    Minus 2 inches from hight is an interesting one. Really?

    • Grey Goose, Dirty Says:

      yup, I sure did do the text, e-mail, text thing ~ it wasn’t my fault though! 😉 see? do as I say, not as I do …..

      at least in the states, guys seem to fib about their height online! if they’re over 6′, then you’re pretty safe, but anything shorter and most likely they’re actually shorter than they claim

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