43 & Single – Heaven Help Me, I've Resorted To Internet Dating!

Ridiculous & Random Stories & Thoughts on My Experiences

Internet Dating Is Like Finding A Pen That Works May 28, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 12:01 pm
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So we all know I’ve been at this whole internet torture dating thing for a while.  The longest lasting guy being Irish Guy, who I let hang around much too long because I got caught up in all the attention he was paying me and the non-stop compliments.  Bad idea.  Before (and after) him, the longest anything for me in the past 2 years has been 3 dates.  3!  And that’s only with 2 guys.  2 guys made it to a 3rd date in 2 years.  There’s something definitely wrong with that statistic.  I opt not to see these guys again or they opt to not see me again.  Regardless of who decides (although it is usually me), nothing goes much past the initial meeting. 

As I actually have the rest of the weekend off, after not having a day off in over a month, I have a huge list of things to get done around the house.  Opting out of the really tedious ones, I decide to go through my big ole’ collection of pens and throw out the ones that don’t work.  Really, is there anything more annoying than grabbing a pen, not having it work and then you just put it back in ‘rotation’ to let you down again?  Why don’t you just toss them out?  What are you keeping them around for?  So as I’m going through my pens, I give each one shot at doing its job.  If they don’t, I give them one quick shake, try again and then throw it away.  As I am apparently quite introspective while going through multiple pens, it occurred to me that this is how I date.  I go out with a guy, if he doesn’t work perfectly, he gets thrown out.  I don’t try to ‘revive’ the ink, I don’t put much time or effort into finding out what the underlying reason for the pen, oh sorry, date not working, I just write him off.  Pun totally intended. 😉

Now here’s the dilemma.  As with pens, why would I waste time trying to figure out why a particular guy isn’t working for me when there are 30 others that I could write with?  I mean date.  It’s really easy to just toss one aside and grab another.  Do I want to waste time when these pens/guys let me down right off the bat?  Should I?  I know this about myself;  I am very quick to make initial decisions.  I base a LOT on chemistry.  No, not with pens, with guys ~ try and keep up. 😉 If a pen doesn’t feel right in your hand,  (minds out of the gutter people, this time I am talking about pens) why bother trying to get the ink to flow?  You’ll never truly like that pen anyway.  Sure, I give (a few) guys a 2nd chance to see if my initial response was too hasty, but inevitably, I’m usually right on and he gets tossed in the reject bin. 

I do not expect any person (or pen) to work perfectly all the time.  Everyone has flaws.  It’s deciding which ones you can work through and which are deal breakers.  I debate time and time again if I’m too quick to judge.  Although I hate what is apparently turning out to be serial dating and am really truly looking for just one great guy, am I too quick to judge?  While I fully realize that relationships take patience and work and effort, I really don’t think the initial stages should require work.  I mean hell, I want to grab a pen and have it write.  I want to go on a date with a guy and have him be able to hold a decent conversation.  Be able to ‘get’ my rather random sense of humor.  To not talk with his mouth full.  To not pick his nose.  To not talk about all the women in his life whom he hates.  To not brag about how great he is, what he owns or how popular he is.  I just want him to be nice.  And as close to normal as possible (which is pretty far from the norm when considering the dating pool as a whole).

I’ve gone through this debate with myself a lot.  I date a lot.  I know this.  I go out with a lot of guys.  All different ones.  Tall ones, short ones, chubby ones, skinny ones, smart ones, not so smart ones, funny ones, entirely too literal ones, cute ones, not so cute ones, successful ones, not so successful ones.  I don’t have just one ‘type’.  I give a lot of guys a shot.  Key word here being ‘A’ shot.  As in one.  What the hell is so difficult about being able to grab a pen and have it write out an entire sentence without petering out towards the end?  I just want one that works!  For me.

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12 Responses to “Internet Dating Is Like Finding A Pen That Works”

  1. jgavinallan Says:

    Ellen: You are more than a good internet dater—you are the best.
    I have learned more form you than from my mother. Of course she never owned, or even knew what a computer or internet was.
    I love your posts.
    LOVE THEM! excuse me for yelling

    Jaye

    • Grey Goose, Dirty Says:

      Why thank you Jaye. I hope you are learning from my mistakes so you never have to make them. 😉

      Kinda wish I wasn’t such a good internet dater, ya’ know?

  2. Ditto! About the loving. I’m sure if I ever do the internet dating thing I’ll be rereading many of your posts and be able to ditto that as well 🙂

    Did you ever stop to think that maybe the problem is that so many men don’t care about good penmanship? They’re all into computers 😉

    • Grey Goose, Dirty Says:

      awww, thanks ……

      😉 you’re right! they don’t! stupid computers ……. and text messages

  3. Online Dating Circus Expert Says:

    Love it! So true. I have been actually thinking about this lately. I think internet dating opens us up to a lot of people. Seriously – think back to pre-internet dating. How often would you meet a man that asked you out? For me, once in a while – as in if I was at the bar or an event, so maybe 2 per week? Online? Way more! Plus, I am being more open minded in giving people I usually wouldn’t give a chance a shot.

    I think we have to give ourselves credit and trust that we either know it or we don’t after the first date. As for the 3 date thing, funny enough that is my final date count too! One guy lasted an entire month but we only saw each other 3 times before he had an anxiety breakdown…I digress.

    Anyways, great analogy!!!

    • Grey Goose, Dirty Says:

      Thanks. I agree with everything you said! Internet dating is just weird in it’s awkwardness since we haven’t previously met them and been able to ‘guage’ anything ……

      Whew, thank goodness I’m not the only that agrees on the chemistry thing being a ‘now or never’ sorta feeling ……….

  4. stevesw Says:

    I really like the title of this post, great analogy.

    • Grey Goose, Dirty Says:

      I’m surprised you weren’t working on a similar post 😉

      • stevesw Says:

        Nope, but I am now thinking about writing a post that draws an analogy between pencils and on-line dating; title may be “Get the point?” A woman searches through the Internet for a date/bike ride like rummaging through a drawer looking for a pencil; she spots one, gets her hopes up, but when she pulls it out there’s no point (that was a triple pun, so I get too use three winkees). 😉 😉 😉

  5. […] internet dating with.  Especially the way I go about internet dating.  I’ve compared it to looking for a pen that works.  I’ve compared it to shooting at a target blindfolded.  I’ve compared it to […]

  6. […] see.  I’ve compared dating to inkless pens.  I’ve compared it to swimming in a cesspool.  I’ve compared it to shoving a rusty […]


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