43 & Single – Heaven Help Me, I've Resorted To Internet Dating!

Ridiculous & Random Stories & Thoughts on My Experiences

Date #2 June 2, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 8:37 am
Tags: , , ,

Well, I find myself in a precarious situation this morning.  Not because I did anything I regret last night, ’cause I didn’t and returned home with (most of) my virtue intact.  I have never had an issue writing about any of the guys I’ve gone out with.  Some have been great, some have been shitty, some have been fun.  I’ve had a ‘blast’, I’ve been drunk a lot, I’ve laughed my ass off.  None of these descriptive terms work for last night.  So here you go.

Our date.  As I was getting ready to leave last night, I got a last minute phone call from my realtor saying she had a property that I had to see ‘now or never’.  Super.  Supposed to be at Webster’s  at 6 and this call was a little before 5 so now I can show up at Websters all disheveled and wrinkled and late.  Luckily I was already dressed, so I just threw my dessert for the evening (again, no, not me) into a cooler, threw it in the back seat and raced to meet my agent.  I text messaged Webster that I might be a little late and told him why.  He shoots back, immediately, not to worry, drive safe and he’ll see me when I get there.  Nice.  So I meet my realtor and the house absolutely sucked.  Too much work for me.  I’m good for a fixer upper, but not on this one.  Damn, it was in one of my favorite neighborhoods. 

So I get to Webster’s house and he invites me in.  I present him with the cookie dough (to which I got a very odd look), then gave him the actual cake I had made for him as well as his present.  He couldn’t believe I brought him a gift, but that’s just what you do when you’re invited to someone’s house for dinner.  He loved the Magic 8 Ball and we had fun asking it questions all  night.  We chatted, we made dinner together and it was just comfortable.  Strange for me with someone I just met.  His dinner was excellent!  We had wonderfully marinated grilled chicken, grilled cauliflower (yum), quinoa and salad.  I had one drink.  One.  Then drank water the rest of the night.  After dinner we talked some more, and mid sentence he stands right in front of me and says he had been wanting to do something since we met on Monday.  And he kissed me.  And it was a good one.  A really good one.  So the next oh, 5 hours consisted of more talking and a lot more kissing.  We’re kinda good together.  He certainly tried, and I was absolutely tempted, but I did not stay over nor do anything more than kiss.  A lot.  He was very respectful of that and I appreciated it.  I’ve not been tempted like that in ages.  Apparently I am the 1st person he’s kissed since he split with his wife 7 months ago.  And they were married for 12 years, so I’m thinking I’m the 1st ‘new’ person he’s kissed in almost 15 years.  And I can’t believe that his wife would let a kisser like that go.  I’m also scared that I’m ‘the rebound’.

He is a very sweet and kind guy.  He’s got a tremendously good heart.  I can’t believe I almost bailed on meeting him.  This is why I hate internet dating.  You just can’t tell about someone until you meet them.  Sadly it usually works the other way in that I think they’re great via e-mail and then hate them in person.  I pretty much hated him via e-mail and can’t think of anyone I’ve felt this attracted to and good about in ages.  And I mean YEARS.  I’m not sure what to do.  I cannot separate the physical from the emotional.  Not with him.  Sure, I used to totally ‘date like a guy’ and be able to do whatever I wanted and not give a shit.  I don’t want to screw up with this guy.  And I don’t want to get hurt.  And I don’t know if I’ll even remember what to do.  And I know if (and most likely when) I do decide to sleep with him, I’m going to be in fairly deep.  And I’m not sure I can deal with that.  (i’m apparently a mess)

While we were talking last night he shared some really personal things with me and when I thanked him for trusting me with the information he said ‘well I think you should know who you’re getting involved with…… if you want to get involved’.  Uh, yeah I do.  The day prior he has asked me how the BBQ was that I had to get to after we met was.  I sent back ‘it was great, however I was late and had to leave early due to the fact that I was talking to a very cute stranger for way too long’.  He sends back ‘what a coincidence, I was talking to a cute stranger yesterday too.  I could have stayed all day’.  That put a big grin on my face (’cause I’m gay like that).  So everything points to the fact that he likes me and wants to see me again.  He did admit to being nervous.  I was not nervous until I figured out how attracted to him I was.  Of course I didn’t tell him that.

Anyway, finally around 1:45am, I tore myself away and headed home.  No regrets about anything.  Fairly certain he likes me.  Not to get all maudlin or whatever, but I like him. Plain and simple.  I really like him.  And that scares the shit out of me.  Sure I’ve gotten all weirded out about guys like 5 hour first date & lemon zinger, but this one is different.  I’ve come home from previous dates wondering if I did something wrong or if I went too far or was out of line.  That’s not how you should feel if you’re with someone that’s right for you.   Webster and I just sort of fit.  He’s got some things that he’s working through right now but seems to be handling everything in a way that I find hugely admirable and courageous.  I’m just not sure where to go with this one.  This whole thing has caught me entirely off guard and with my awesome (aka annoying as hell) penchant for over thinking things, I just don’t know …………

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29 Responses to “Date #2”

  1. Wow! Wow! Wow!

    First of all: Sounds like an AMAZING evening! And he sounds really great too. From all the dates I’ve read about you definitely deserved a night like this one. Because no matter what happens that’s just a really good night.

    Secondly; I can understand why you’d be nervous about what’s next. Not only because you really and truly like him, but also because of his past. Personally I think you can talk yourself into and out of a lot of things. It sounds to me like he’s very aware about his situation and feelings and wouldn’t rush into anything he’s not ready for. And seven months is a long time.

    So I’m just going to quote Kierkegaard (I’m honoring Webster by being a brainiac now): To dare is to lose one’s footing momentarily. Not to dare is to lose oneself.

    • Grey Goose, Dirty Says:

      Thanks BAS. I so appreciate your thoughts (and stellar quote). I will do my best not to talk myself out of anything. 😉

  2. Matthew Says:

    I. LOVE. it.

    Because the funny/great thing is that the way to explained how you’re feeling, and how you saw the evening, are exactly how I felt (and still feel) about my GF (and again remember we met on POF).

    It’s still friggin’ scary. The conversation we have. The various levels we connect. How we handle things thrown into our lives, not only individually but now our life together.

    Don’t let the fear keep you from something great. If you feel this way just go with it. Push aside any thoughts of getting burned because if you’re anything like me you’d rather have said you gave everything your best than regret living in a constant state of “What if?” just because of fear.

    • Grey Goose, Dirty Says:

      Thanks Matt. You’re absolutely right. I’ll never know if I don’t even give it a shot.

      • mysterycoach Says:

        Nice Matt … I agree with you too, “take a risk” it’s better than not trying at all… I don’t regret taking my risk with bone head. I don’t… I get upset and have all these residual things come up but I don’t regret it.

  3. It definitely sounds like my “Run for the hills” thoughts have been so far off the mark, I might have to retire the phrase!

    Could you be the rebound? You bet; it’s possible. Is that bad? No idea.

    Does the physical mess with the emotional? Absolutely! I think you get to decide between bike riding and a real relationship, but you probably can’t have both. (I am happy to be proved wrong.)

    Hmmm … can you tell him that you think he *might* be the kind of guy you could like, so there won’t be ANY bike riding (or mounting, or saddling up, or tire inflation — yikes, they all sound disgusting in this context!) for at least ‘n’ months?

    If he grumbles and agrees, and you STICK to The Plan, you have a chance to get to know ‘him’ before you go wild. In fact, you get to date and find out about each other knowing what is (temporarily) out of bounds.

    If you don’t implement a Master Plan like this, you know what will happen soon (hopefully without any squeaky wheels), but it will change the nature of the relationship and make it hard to find the real ‘him’…and vice versa.

    If you do a implement a Master Plan like this, I think you’ll hate me for even suggesting it for a while!! Only later might you change your mind. 🙂

    • Grey Goose, Dirty Says:

      Thanks for all the great advice and input SD 😉 but uh, did you just write ‘months’????? holy hell!

      • Silly me. I should, of course, have specified “quarters”. Just a moment while I duck; I see you are throwing things at me…

        • mysterycoach Says:

          ROFL! If you stick with being busy and not over his house all the time, go out and do things while getting to know one another, have appointments and things that you need to do, you can easily have 6 weeks slip through your fingers and that’s not totally “months” 🙂 SD gave you some really good advise… Yah, I know, it’s like seriously? MONTHS? !! but I wanna play with that! LOL 🙂 Take your time, it’s your call attraction is very blinding but it will still be there if you wait a while.

          Matter of fact, it could be stronger because you waited… yeeeehaaa! LOL !

  4. everevie Says:

    Wow! Great date. I agree with BAS…that you totally deserved a date like that.

    I so badly want to tell you to not over-analyze…to go with the flow…enjoy yourself…blah, blah, blah. But I can’t …b/c that would be hypocritical of me. SO…intstead…I’ll just say: Buckle up my friend…looks like you are in for a scary and hopefully thrilling ride (not speaking of a bike ride).

    There is no way around it. You are just going to have to live with the fear if you want to see what might happen next. And I definitely think it will be worth it. Either you will have a really cool relationship on your hands…or you will force yourself into a “growth” experience by which you will further your emotional maturity.

    Here’s hoping you will find the former. 🙂

  5. jgavinallan Says:

    El:

    Nervous—anxiety—fear of spitting up during a kiss…that proves its the beginning of a lovely relationship.

    Jaye—ooh—so jealous

  6. mysterycoach Says:

    If we lived closer 🙂 I’d hug the crap out of you! This is very cool, I’m at work couldn’t read all the comments but take your time and enjoy yourself. That’s all you can do… ya know? Enjoy it, enjoy him, enjoy how it feels… with eyes wide open.

    This is massively kewl! I’m glad to read this… I know how you feel, enjoy it… see wha’ happens. (Noooo, I do understand exactly how you feel… )

    • Grey Goose, Dirty Says:

      thanks MC …… I’m going to try my best to ‘not be me’ and think this to death and just enjoy it for however long it lasts ……. thanks for the virtual hug!

      • mysterycoach Says:

        Honey, 🙂 You have a wonderful personality and softer side. Just “BE YOU” because that’s the only person you can be… I’m sure you’ll do fine. You have shown many different sides of your personality here and personally? I don’t see a problem with who you are … I mean, you know what I mean… you do you, that’s who you should be.

  7. cousinbette Says:

    I’m with Mystery Coach all the way from the first comment to the last; go with the natural flow and just bask in it for a while. Keeping my fingers crossed. x

  8. stevesw Says:

    OK, let’s be honest, I’m jealous…I want to have a primo second date evening like you just had and be able to say “Wonderful Grey Goose, you preempted my post idea again!”

    • Grey Goose, Dirty Says:

      Thanks Steve but remember, it took me a year and a half of bad internet dates to get to a great 2nd date. I’m certain you’ll be posting something similar very soon. 😉

  9. That’s so awesome. Relax and enjoy it.

  10. Surrey gal Says:

    Oh, I’m so happy!!!! That sounds like a really nice date, and the one with potential as well….
    You dont’ know if you are a rebound relationship but you will never know unless you give it a go, so just forget about this worry. It may be pointless, right??
    I’m really happy, you deserve it so much! xx

    • Grey Goose, Dirty Says:

      Awww, thanks SG. Having a bit of a challenge with my defeatist attitude today, but hopefully I’m wrong ….. 😉

      • mysterycoach Says:

        I don’t believe you have a defeatist attitude really. I think you’re simply tired of looking and not finding and the thought of actually having what you want after all this looking, is a little scary. Again, that’s just me.

        Again… you’re normal.


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