Well, I find myself in a precarious situation this morning. Not because I did anything I regret last night, ’cause I didn’t and returned home with (most of) my virtue intact. I have never had an issue writing about any of the guys I’ve gone out with. Some have been great, some have been shitty, some have been fun. I’ve had a ‘blast’, I’ve been drunk a lot, I’ve laughed my ass off. None of these descriptive terms work for last night. So here you go.
Our date. As I was getting ready to leave last night, I got a last minute phone call from my realtor saying she had a property that I had to see ‘now or never’. Super. Supposed to be at Webster’s at 6 and this call was a little before 5 so now I can show up at Websters all disheveled and wrinkled and late. Luckily I was already dressed, so I just threw my dessert for the evening (again, no, not me) into a cooler, threw it in the back seat and raced to meet my agent. I text messaged Webster that I might be a little late and told him why. He shoots back, immediately, not to worry, drive safe and he’ll see me when I get there. Nice. So I meet my realtor and the house absolutely sucked. Too much work for me. I’m good for a fixer upper, but not on this one. Damn, it was in one of my favorite neighborhoods.
So I get to Webster’s house and he invites me in. I present him with the cookie dough (to which I got a very odd look), then gave him the actual cake I had made for him as well as his present. He couldn’t believe I brought him a gift, but that’s just what you do when you’re invited to someone’s house for dinner. He loved the Magic 8 Ball and we had fun asking it questions all night. We chatted, we made dinner together and it was just comfortable. Strange for me with someone I just met. His dinner was excellent! We had wonderfully marinated grilled chicken, grilled cauliflower (yum), quinoa and salad. I had one drink. One. Then drank water the rest of the night. After dinner we talked some more, and mid sentence he stands right in front of me and says he had been wanting to do something since we met on Monday. And he kissed me. And it was a good one. A really good one. So the next oh, 5 hours consisted of more talking and a lot more kissing. We’re kinda good together. He certainly tried, and I was absolutely tempted, but I did not stay over nor do anything more than kiss. A lot. He was very respectful of that and I appreciated it. I’ve not been tempted like that in ages. Apparently I am the 1st person he’s kissed since he split with his wife 7 months ago. And they were married for 12 years, so I’m thinking I’m the 1st ‘new’ person he’s kissed in almost 15 years. And I can’t believe that his wife would let a kisser like that go. I’m also scared that I’m ‘the rebound’.
He is a very sweet and kind guy. He’s got a tremendously good heart. I can’t believe I almost bailed on meeting him. This is why I hate internet dating. You just can’t tell about someone until you meet them. Sadly it usually works the other way in that I think they’re great via e-mail and then hate them in person. I pretty much hated him via e-mail and can’t think of anyone I’ve felt this attracted to and good about in ages. And I mean YEARS. I’m not sure what to do. I cannot separate the physical from the emotional. Not with him. Sure, I used to totally ‘date like a guy’ and be able to do whatever I wanted and not give a shit. I don’t want to screw up with this guy. And I don’t want to get hurt. And I don’t know if I’ll even remember what to do. And I know if (and most likely when) I do decide to sleep with him, I’m going to be in fairly deep. And I’m not sure I can deal with that. (i’m apparently a mess)
While we were talking last night he shared some really personal things with me and when I thanked him for trusting me with the information he said ‘well I think you should know who you’re getting involved with…… if you want to get involved’. Uh, yeah I do. The day prior he has asked me how the BBQ was that I had to get to after we met was. I sent back ‘it was great, however I was late and had to leave early due to the fact that I was talking to a very cute stranger for way too long’. He sends back ‘what a coincidence, I was talking to a cute stranger yesterday too. I could have stayed all day’. That put a big grin on my face (’cause I’m gay like that). So everything points to the fact that he likes me and wants to see me again. He did admit to being nervous. I was not nervous until I figured out how attracted to him I was. Of course I didn’t tell him that.
Anyway, finally around 1:45am, I tore myself away and headed home. No regrets about anything. Fairly certain he likes me. Not to get all maudlin or whatever, but I like him. Plain and simple. I really like him. And that scares the shit out of me. Sure I’ve gotten all weirded out about guys like 5 hour first date & lemon zinger, but this one is different. I’ve come home from previous dates wondering if I did something wrong or if I went too far or was out of line. That’s not how you should feel if you’re with someone that’s right for you. Webster and I just sort of fit. He’s got some things that he’s working through right now but seems to be handling everything in a way that I find hugely admirable and courageous. I’m just not sure where to go with this one. This whole thing has caught me entirely off guard and with my awesome (aka annoying as hell) penchant for over thinking things, I just don’t know …………