43 & Single – Heaven Help Me, I've Resorted To Internet Dating!

Ridiculous & Random Stories & Thoughts on My Experiences

Help Me Understand June 9, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 10:41 am
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I am  no closer to understanding Webster’s highly annoying text message style than I was two days ago.  I’m probably more aggravated at this point.  I’m pretty sure I have a right to be, but maybe I don’t?  Who knows at this point.  I really need to talk to him about it as it is absolutely making me feel like shit and making me think he’s a selfish asshole (which i’m fairly certain that he’s not), but until I can actually have a conversation with him, I am left to wonder, be pissed off and let my mind create it’s own ‘he’s an ass’ scenarios.

Here is yesterday’s text message exchange.  You guys tell me ……….

At 9:22pm last night – him: hey hey, sorry for being out of contact.  busy with the kids and work while fretting over Greer burning.

At 9:25 last night – me : I’ve been thinking about you guys re: Greer and was wondering how everyone was doing

At 9:32 – him : I am ok, my parents are sweating it.  We have not really let the kids know but they were there so they definitely are aware.  Neck and back still sore.  Headed to bed shortly

9:36 – me : 😦 I’m sorry ……. did you go hiking this morning like you wanted to?

9:46 – me : Alright, have a good night ……….

Now I realize that he’s got a lot going on right now.  I really do.  I don’t expect to be a huge priority (yet) in his day.  The past 2 nights though he has texted me right before he goes to bed and includes the ‘going to bed soon’ thing.  Is that his ‘code’ for ‘don’t respond to me’?  I don’t know what’s worse, when he asks some apparently lame questions about me or my day and then disappears when I respond or when he doesn’t ask at all.  Did he really just send me a text message that told me all about his day without even a ‘how are you’?  I was pissed last night.  I was going to ask him to call me if he got a chance today, but I didn’t.  Instead I got pissy when he didn’t respond (AGAIN) and sent my petulant ‘have a good night’ which is my code for ‘fuck off’.

Am I expecting too much?  I mean really, our text exchanges obviously aren’t working for me and he may or may not even realize that he’s being rude.  I guess I need to explain how stupid it makes me feel when he does shit like this and then see if he continues doing it as it’s not fair to be pissed about something that I haven’t voiced my dislike for, right?

Here’s the bottom line though.  Regardless of what he’s saying/asking in his lame texts to me, the fact that he sends them right before he goes to bed (why the hell is he going to bed at 9:30, btw?) absolutely makes me feel like he’s sending them at all only because he feels that he should instead of sending them because he wants to.

I know I don’t really have any right to be upset about something that he many not even realize is hugely rude in my eyes.  I still have no clue if we’re doing anything tomorrow or not as he’s not touched on that subject since his ever romantic ‘what are you doing Friday night’ inquiry from 3 days ago.  I realize I should just call him and let him know, but I don’t want to bother him (like how my wishy washy fucking mind works) with everything else that he has going on.  Nice feeling like I’m a bother too, btw …….. ugh …….. where the hell did I put my dating handbook?

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18 Responses to “Help Me Understand”

  1. mysterycoach Says:

    He may have an entirely different mindset when the kids are with him. You never know about that … (speculation on my part)

    I don’t know what to say, I do know that sometimes when we want one thing and get another it feels bad and we think the worst. You could try being honest with him too… What’s the specific problem for you? Right, he may not realize it … this is true.
    He’s busy with the kids right now… this is true…
    I know it sounds simpering, you could ask him if he still wants to go out Friday night please let you know because you’re not sure what’s going on.

    YOU should never allow yourself to feel like you are a bother EVER… he is busy. He does have all that stuff going on this much is true. But, to me? I can’t see anything wrong with a phone call. Which may either confuse you more or make you feel better LOL (I hate that part)

    Do you want to date a man who has children? No really… that’s a thought process I think about myself. How many, how old, custody and all of these things are really things to consider.

    You know what you want 🙂 I don’t these are just thoughts I”m having… and sharing.

    I mean, really? To me? If he doesn’t know it bothers you, he can’t fix it. Find a nice light hearted way to express it without sounding like he’s the last man on earth. LOL 🙂

    • Grey Goose, Dirty Says:

      I don’t mind that he has kids. I don’t mind kids. They’re still pre-teen, but it really doesn’t make a difference to me. I am fully aware that kids take up a lot of time. Too bad he only had them for Tuesday night and possibly part of yesterday. His ‘on week’ doesn’t start until Saturday and I was fully prepared to not get to see him at all next week. I wasn’t prepared to not get to see him, or apparently even speak with him this week.

      • mysterycoach Says:

        You know what’s a shame? Mixed messages and stuff. I know I get so excited by someone new and … when we were younger? Man it was so much easier I think. Not smarter LOL 🙂 Easier… we didn’t have such busy schedules and you had time for someone new and everything. I miss simpler times. That’s for sure.

        Dear Universe. 🙂 Please find me and Grey 🙂 A guy on the same page as we are respectively.

  2. everevie Says:

    Call him today. Foh realz. Call him and if you get to talk to him…great. If not, leave a short, sweet message: “Hey Webby-poo-poo-pie-honey-bear! I just wanted to touch base and say hello. Also, I was hoping to set our plans for tomorrow night. It will be great to see you.”

    Okay, fine…you don’t have to throw in the gooey nickname…but you get my point (I hope). Be the sweet sunshiny lady you are…and give him the benefit of the doubt (just this once).

    But call him. Do it. Doooooo it.

    • Grey Goose, Dirty Says:

      Who the hell do you think you’re talking to? Sweet? Sunshiney? Webby-poo? Uh, that ain’t me sister. 😉

      You’re right about the call however, so of course I won’t do it ……..

  3. I can understand your frustration. I really can! And it’s definitely something you should take up with him. But I think it’s better to do it face to face, so that he doesn’t take it the wrong way or think that you’re more angry than you really are.

    There’s no doubt the kids are probably taking up most of his time. When my brother was dating his girlfriend (whom we now lives with), I’d hear a lot from him the weeks he had his kids. But when they were with his mum hardly ever a word, because all his time and attention was going towards her. Maybe it’s just a bit too much for him to focus on you when he has the kids. It’s still very new between you guys, which means that any contact probably takes up much more mental space with him than it will in six months. So maybe the easiest for him (whether he’s aware of it or not) is to just turn his radar away from you. But the better you get to know each other the more that will change.

    • Grey Goose, Dirty Says:

      Thank you BAS for your very well thought out comment. It does put a different light on things and makes me feel a teenie bit better. For that I thank you. And for your very good advice. 🙂 You’re one smart cookie!

  4. jgavinallan Says:

    Ellen:
    Dating a guy with kids is difficult. There is the unknown factor. The ex plays a part.
    I don’t know if this is the case…but(this goes for guys also) as soon as their ex finds someone or starts to develop a life…all of a sudden they start to create obstacles…the best being the kids. It is done..not because they want them back…but just to keep their ex miserable. Again…It may not be the case…good luck

    Jaye

    I guess I was no help

    • Grey Goose, Dirty Says:

      Haha Jaye, you were helpful. I’m pretty sure it has nothing to do with the kids at this point, so I’m letting my mind wander to different possibilities (which is totally ridiculous) ….. i’ll keep ya’ posted!

  5. vixter2010 Says:

    It’s so hard to decifier men sometimes, they never say what they mean! I think you will have to get him to be straight with you before you drive yourself really crazy 🙂 you deserve someone who can’t wait to speak to you!

    • Grey Goose, Dirty Says:

      Thanks Vixter. You’re sweet. That’s the thing ~ this probably wouldn’t be a big deal if I actually had the opportunity to speak to him. Which I haven’t. It’s just strange, he couldn’t wait to see me/talk to me last week and this week? Well, I guess things have changed…… it would be nice to know what’s truly going on (if anything)

      • mysterycoach Says:

        Right… reassurance and communication wouldn’t hurt one bit at this point. I’d want to understand what was going on myself. Confusion and me don’t bode well together.

  6. Surrey gal Says:

    As we all know from the next comments, not all guys are “texters”. But I totally understand you, I’m very annoyed and unsettled when a guy doesn’t reply to me! Or does it after a long time.

  7. Miki Says:

    Your response seemed less like a “fuck off” and more like a “I desperately want you to respond to me”. In my opinion, of course.

    My general rule is to never text unless texted to. It’s a little misogynistic and old school, but it keeps me from having the issues that you are going through right now. Plus, when you aren’t so available, you hold the cards and control is good for both the relationship and yourself. Don’t fret. It’s not worth it.

    • Grey Goose, Dirty Says:

      😉 Thanks Miki! Oh yey! I love coming off as desperate, that was just what I was going for! 😉 It really only bugs the crap out of me if ‘they’ initiate the text and then disappear. I don’t mind if I send a text and don’t hear back (okay, well not as much). You’re right about the whole availability thing though. 😉

      btw, I was poking around your blog today (found you through my blogging-nemesis) and you’re hysterical!

      • Miki Says:

        Thank you!

        Men seem to need more attention than we think. If he can’t keep up a conversation, then don’t force it. I used to do the same thing you did and check my phone every five seconds because “WHY THE FUCK WASN’T HE RESPONDING TO ME?!?”, but then I got really screwed over by someone, stopped putting men on a pedestal and suddenly this frantic anxiety just stopped. I wouldn’t recommend doing it the way I did, but I think the whole point is to be active in your own life with things that are important to you (blogging is an excellent example) and suddenly men take the backburner.

        It is also imperative that you get an AMAZING vibrator. I am certain that the incorporation of a suction cup onto the vibrator has drastically improved my dating life (and orgasms). Seriously.


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