Or equally as accurate: beauty is a pain. In the ass. 😉 We all do things to make ourselves feel better. Be it get our hair cut or colored, go to the gym, tan, work on our posture, whatever. I don’t color my hair. I’m lucky enough to be blonde and as I have a multitude of natural shades going on from dark blonde to very light blonde, those pesky greys that I have appear as highlights! Ha! I actually had my niece compliment me on the highlights in my hair as my old lady greys seem to grow in little sections and do, in fact look like platinum highlights. Who the hell cares about my hair though, right? I was thinking last night of the things that I have had done this year to make myself feel better.
I had my teeth whitened about 2 months ago. Something called ‘Zoom’ that is sort of like a midevil torture treatment where your teeth hurt like hell during and after due to the process of apparently stripping your teeth of enamel. Crazy process, but good results. As I get complimented a lot on my smile (yup, I’m not always a scowling snarky bitch), I figured it couldn’t hurt and ya’ know what? They look good. I didn’t do it for anyone else though. I did it for me. I have to stare at my teeth twice a day when I brush them, so I figure I may have sparkly whites to stare at.
I have also embarked on another, more sinister, process. Laser hair treatments! Holy cow. Who’d have thought that you could just laser away hair and it wouldn’t come back! People have it done on their legs, their armpits (ouch), on their sad little old lady moustaches, and yup, in order to landscape the bike path. Of course I picked the bike path route. Hell, someone may see it one of these days. Now I have a good friend who is having the same process done and she described the feel of the laser like having a rubber band snapped at you repeatedly. Uh, that certainly doesn’t sound comfortable, but I guess it’s one of those ‘no pain, no gain sorta scenarios’. I figured hell, it will make my life easier in the long run and as an awesome discount ran on Living Social (gotta love that website) the other day ($99 vs $600), I jumped at it. When deciding which area to do, I remembered a hugely crass blog post from someone (a guy, no less) who talked about having women ‘do what they need to in order to ‘polish that thing and make it shine” (or something equally as retarded). Like it’s a fucking worry stone down there. What an ignoramus. But I digress. So yup, I opted to have my bike path properly landscaped. I was offered the option of upgrading to the ’12 year old’; a charming phrase coined by my wonderful friend Click to describe what a Brazilian looks like. Ha! I opted out of that nonsense! I kinda think that any guy that prefers their women totally bald, may have latent pedophile tendencies, but that’s just me. Anyway, I was a bit nervous about having someone fiddling around down there (especially without even buying me a cocktail first), but it wasn’t like rubber bands being snapped at my nether regions (thank G-D), and wasn’t too bad at all. What is too bad is the fact that the 6 treatments need to be spread out over 6-8 months though. Damn that’s some commitment!
So as I was wearing my touch-up teeth whitening trays last night (which make you foam at the mouth and kinda drool like a rabid dog), I was thinking about all the things that women go through to make themselves feel pretty. It’s more than nice lingerie or yummy smelling perfume. There are some real hardcore options out there: botox, plastic surgery, juvederm, veneers, etc ….. Although I’m not to the point where I want to do any of those, I figured ya’ know what? To each his own. Do what you need to in order to make yourself feel better. But hopefully you are doing it for yourself, and not some silly guy.
Unless we’re talking about the bike path here ’cause really, it’s not like we look down there all that often. 😉
Damn it’s been a while since I’ve made a crass TMI post. You’re welcome 😉