43 & Single – Heaven Help Me, I've Resorted To Internet Dating!

Ridiculous & Random Stories & Thoughts on My Experiences

Abs, Guns, Ex Convicts & Rachel Ray June 18, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 12:06 am
Tags: , , ,

I know, interesting combination, right?  I guess I should apologize right up front to anyone who landed on here my mistake looking for shitty Rachel Ray recipes…….. I don’t have any …….. sorry.  Eh, who am I kidding?  No I’m not.

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#1)  OkStupid does this awesome thing that when one of the tools men on there actually rate you a 4-5 stars, they sneakily send you the particular fool’s gentleman’s photo mixed in with 8 other random pics from the site so you don’t really know which one, exactly rated you highly.  Big idiots Sneaky devils.  I guess the point is to get you to log on and rate a bunch of guys in return in the hopes that you rate the ‘mystery man’ as highly as he rated you and then you both get some lame e-mail that says ‘hey, we rated each other 4-5 stars, whoopeee’ or some such nonsense that will ultimately result in a one night stand/futile succession of lame e-mails love connection and everyone will live happily ever after.  Yey for all!  Well I got another of these e-mails today with the usual jumble of 9 guys.  From what I can tell, solely from looking at the pics as I haven’t bothered to sign onto OkStupid since seeing that W was on there on Tuesday (oh, er I mean ….), out of the 9 guys, 3 could be active participants in a hair band/air guitar competition, 2 looked like mug shots, 1 was a stellar cel phone in a bathroom mirror pic, 2 were just hideous and 1 could very well have been a serial killer.  Anyone jealous?  Yeah, I didn’t think so.  I also don’t think I’ll be signing on anytime soon in order to play the rating game on my own.

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#2)  Looks the ab leering admiring will have to be put on hold as drinks with hottie personal trainer has been postponed.  After a stellar text message exchange that went something like this:

him: looks like I have to help my friend tomorrow, so won’t be able to meet up.  did you still want to try to meet up sometime?

me:  no worries, let me know what your schedule is like next week

him: K

the end.  Eh, at least he let me know like he said he would.  I am guessing said ‘friend’ is female and most likely not a ‘friend’.  At least not yet.  😉  We’ll see if any rescheduling actually takes place.

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#3)   I think LivingSocial may be my most favorite e-mail to wake up to each day (damn, that sounded sad).  It’s like a new little surprise just waiting for me!  Is it going to be some yummy restaurant?  Some fun activity?  Some laser hair removal treatments?  Oh wait, I already snatched that one up (hee hee, I said snatch – yes, pun intended I guess).  Well I guess today’s could be considered a fun activity.  It could also be considered a very valuable training exercise for all internet daters.  Ready?  I bought 2 x 1 hour sessions at an indoor shooting range!  Guns, ammo, protective eyewear & earwear included.  Yup, I’m gonna learn how to shoot at paper men!  At least 3 of them as that’s all the package included.  (hee hee, I said package).  Hell, if I’m going to be single forever, I may as well be a badass about it. 😉

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#4)  I hate Rachel Ray.  ‘Creating’ disgusting hamburger combinations does not a 30 minute meal make.  Really.  What sort of psychotropic drugs must you be on to even think that mixing cut up hot dogs in with ground beef and calling it a ‘hot dog hamburger’ was a good idea?  Or better yet, yesterday’s show where you actually mixed in cooked spaghetti with hamburger meat before frying those bad boys up.  I didn’t even stick around long enough to find out what she called those heinous little barf inducers.  I was busy trying not to throw up.  Rachel, you should be ashamed of yourself.  The nice people at Food Network gave you your own show and this is how you choose to use your time?

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And that, my friends, concludes this morning’s laundry list of grievances …….. you may all now carry on with your day. 🙂

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13 Responses to “Abs, Guns, Ex Convicts & Rachel Ray”

  1. Cousin Bette Says:

    OMG, those hamburger concoctions! How bloody revolting! This is classed as food?

  2. She’s just gross. She’ll basically just mix anything not nailed down in with hamburger and explain what a ‘fun’ dish it is *gag*

  3. Matthew Says:

    I miss Food Network (though I never watched Rachel). Give me Claire or Giada any day. 😉

  4. mybrightspot Says:

    OMG – those burgers DO sound revolting.

    *I* Like making new burger combinations – but they have to do with FLAVOR, not cramming random foods into them!

    I made a burger once that was stuffed with cheddar and jalapenos, another time I mixed them with Parmesan, Feta, Bleu cheese and soaked them in port wine. Yet again I made my own chili powder and mixed it in with molasses.

    …Hotdogs? What the frak? Just because you have a show on Food Network doesn’t give you license to pass off abominations as gourmet. :-\

    • possibly you could teach good ole’ Rachel a thing or 2 about what it is to actually ‘cook’ and not just throw random shit together 😉

      And please invite me over next time you do the Feta, Blue & Parm Port Wine Burgers 🙂

  5. […] read a post today from a fellow dating blogger and she mentioned that a guy she had been seeing had been online a few days ago.  Ouch does not begin to describe […]

  6. I’ve never really understood the whole Rachel Ray thing. She seems kind of annoying to me. But I’m European, so I think most overly happy people are annoying 😉

  7. stevesw Says:

    Thanks GGD, now I know why I get searches for “spaghetti hot dogs, hot dog spaghetti”

  8. Manda Says:

    You’ll have a blast (pun intended) with #3. Believe me — I know. Tons more fun than internet dating. Close second to bike riding 🙂


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