43 & Single – Heaven Help Me, I've Resorted To Internet Dating!

Ridiculous & Random Stories & Thoughts on My Experiences

Extreme Couponers, Hoarders & Internet Daters June 19, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 12:46 am
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Three seemingly different maladies, right?  Eh, I’m not so sure.  As I was feeling a bit blue yesterday and the brilliant idea to watch Blue Valentine (that horribly depressing, yet really well acted, movie about a marriage that has fallen apart ~ 2nd only in bad movies to watch when feeling down about your lack of love live to Revolutionary Road) sort of just made matters worse, I opted for my sure-fire way to feel awesome.  About everything.  Basically any reality show on TLC is certain to make even the most fucked up individual seem totally normal by comparison. 😉  Intervention, Hoarders, Extreme Couponing, Cupcake Wars …….. oh wait, not that last one.  These people are just nuts.

So as I was watching the oddly fascinating show on extreme couponers (more power to them, btw, I just can’t see spending 1/2 my day cutting out coupons and memorizing sale flyers) I decided that they are a special breed of OCD and hoarders mixed together.  I love a good sale as much as the next person, but really, does anyone need 100 bottles of liquid hand soap?  Or 427 tubes of toothpaste?  Honestly, I can’t even fathom the algorithms these people use in order to determine that they need exactly 186 boxes of fabric softener in order to make their ‘deal’ work.  Gives me a headache just thinking about it.  Now if these people are donating all their excess stockpiles, that’s awesome, but I see them with room upon room of food items.  Food items that there is no possible way that they will be able to use in their entire lifetime much less before the packages expire.  Really?  538 boxes of pasta?  Anyway, these highly anal retentive organized people (I actually saw one bitch on wheels charming woman snap at her husband and scream ‘hey you’ at him from across the store.  Oh and did I mention that she couldn’t have weighed an ounce less than 350 lbs and even she had a man, but I digress) make my penchant for lists and hanging sticky do’s all around my house seem perfectly normal, so thank you.

Kinda makes me think that Internet daters are very similar in their ‘stockpiling’ techniques.  No, they don’t use store coupons in order to amass their rotation of people to date, but they do spend most likely what is an inordinate amount of time online picking and choosing from the available ‘specials’ that are on display each week.  They may find an awesome ‘purchase’ and one that fits just what they’re looking for, but the allure of surpassing what they have with the ‘next great find’ is apparently one that is quite tempting.  Yup, I internet date.  We’re all well aware.  That’s what the majority of my blog is about (aside from the intermittent whiny introspective & neurotic ramblings).  I do the same thing.  Certainly not to the extreme levels of some mind you (well aside from that ridiculous week of dating 6 guys in 5 days), but it seems that’s just how it works.  I have not put a lot of effort into my online escapades lately because a) it’s frankly exhausting b) it’s annoying and c) i may have quite possibly already dated everyone in town that might ‘work’ for me. 😉  Even when W & I started (a whopping 3 weeks ago – damn, what a difference a week makes, right?), I still signed into the sites.  Not to necessarily ‘troll’ for new and improved guys, but mainly just to empty my inbox and delete unwanted winks/e-mails/nudges/whatever.   The fact of the matter was that I was online, so no one seeing that I was online would have any clue that I wasn’t actually shopping in order to enlarge my stockpile.

Sure, I saw that W on online on Tuesday.  Pair that with the fact that Tuesday is the day that I didn’t hear from him as he said he was sick in bed and sleeping all day, and sure, my mind wanders.  He could very well have just been online emptying his inbox too.  Who knows.  I think I am so predisposed to think that everyone is always searching for the next best newest, shiniest, most awesome ‘deal’ that it clouds my judgement sometimes.  Regardless of whether I ever hear from him again or not, I am certain that he was not ‘shopping’.  Hell, the guy can barely get thru the day with all the other crap he has going on apparently.  Then again, maybe I’m wrong and that is, in fact, why I didn’t hear from him much last week.  Whatever.  What it comes down to is this.  I am not after the largest amount of guys (although my dating stats from the last 2 years would show otherwise), I just want one great deal.  A deal that will last throughout anyone else’s stockpile of ‘goods’ just sitting on the shelves and waiting to be consumed.  I don’t want to be a hoarder.  Or an extreme couponer.  I want to just find one spectacular item that will withstand the test of time.  Sort of like an awesome pair of shoes.  Complete with the breaking in period. Damn if I can find a good coupon though 😉


14 Responses to “Extreme Couponers, Hoarders & Internet Daters”

  1. Seriously? There’s a program called Cupcake Wars?!?

    Why do you think ‘Revolutionary Road’ is bad to watch if you’re depressed about your (lack of a) love life? I find it exactly opposite. I saw myself living her life with the same outcome and felt so happy that I’d gotten out of my relationship. At least now I get to pursue my professional ambitions.

    W is beginning to annoy me. A lot! Mind if I get his email and send him a short message? 😉

    • haha, he’s annoying me too 😉 and yes, there’s a show called Cupcake Wars …….. sort of like a bake off …….

      As for Revolutionary Road, I just find movies that illustrate how love doesn’t last depressing …….

  2. cousin bette Says:

    Stella and I have had many a happy (?) evening with her on her lap top, me on mine, scouting through the available dross/lovelies on the website. We think it’s a bit like looking through a catalogue for the right sized gorgeous bra. Turn the page – ooh, that looks nice, turn another page – ooh that looks nice, but is it as nice as the one before, turn back page to check previous one. Etc Etc Hours go by! The fact is, in the end, you just gotta try it on. And no matter how good it may look on paper, when it’s delivered there is always something wrong with it …

  3. jgavinallan Says:

    I see many of your points…and suspicions with W.
    However, it is so easy to block your online status..why would he not…to prevent some difficult questions from you?
    Ask him what was the problem, Tuesday?


  4. Emilie Says:

    I am always impressed what the people on extreme couponing can do. Now I am not that impressed with their “stockpile” but more impressed on how much money they save. If I could save a 1/3 of my grocery bill then I would be very happy but here in Canada, you can’t really coupon like they do in the states. So all the power to them I guess.

    I can see why you say internet daters and extreme couponers have a certain way of thinking that is similar, hey us internet daters do spend a lot of time online and so does couponers. So I guess we are very similar in that aspect.

    Has for W well I think he is maybe just busy with his kid(s) and that the reason that he was online was to just empty his inbox. Then again he is a guy. If you want to have a answer, you can always ask him what happened on Tuesday.

  5. mysterycoach Says:

    I noticed for myself with internet dating sites it was very easy to be consumed with the idea of, if that one doesn’t show up, this one will. It became, to me, like a revolving door of available people and after a while… I became desensitized to the ones who didn’t write back because, oh lookie! Another one! Much like you’re saying here, (I think) I’d see this revolving door of men and after a while … I felt, kind of … smarmy.

    I”m a fan of, my thought process… “It doesn’t have to be this guy, there are more single men out there in the world, I don’t have to settle”.

    I am not a fan of how desensitized I became. It seems to me, to make it too easy to replace one person for another. You have so many people in the inbox and (granted not all are for us) this swirl of hundreds of messages (which happened to me on a few sites when I first started, flattering yes… over whelming since I read each one? yes.) that it took all the … fun out of it. There was no old school thoughts or the simplicity of meeting someone face to face and you feel that little rush of attraction and they made you laugh, they smell good and you just kinda sorta like them.

    It was WORK … it wasn’t any fun. And usually I stop after a month and a half. It became methodical to me. A revolving door of faces and guys, after a while I became numb. So I stopped. I’d find myself getting my hopes up about one and then BLAP! nuttin… after a number of those experiences, not to mention the coo coo’s? Yah… I’ve taken a break from it. LOL 🙂

    • well sure, that’s what internet dating is all about – being able to shop around ………. it’s a different viewpoint once you find something that you already like though 😉

      • mysterycoach Says:

        I’m going back to old school. I just have to figure out where to go. I don’t go out to meet men though. I like to just go out and enjoy myself. I saw in another post you made you’ve joined a shooting range? I would LOVE to do that! I have my purchaser’s permit right here! (see it?) I can buy a rifle (money allowing it) and/or apply for a handgun permit. I know guys who can help me buy a handgun… I am a very good shot. At least I used to be!

        Oh… I”m rambling… heh… 🙂 Oh, my thought was (I’m hungry lost my train of though) that I’m going back to old school, what people write and how they show up usually lack quite a bit of symmetry for me… I like symmetry. Be who you say your… for F!@#$@ sakes … (oh a small rant, sorry) LOL 🙂

  6. Surrey gal Says:

    Maybe he just had the page open? I often leave my laptop on, all the tabs open… maybe that’s what he was doing too. Fell asleep sick whilst eptying his inbox?

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