Three seemingly different maladies, right? Eh, I’m not so sure. As I was feeling a bit blue yesterday and the brilliant idea to watch Blue Valentine (that horribly depressing, yet really well acted, movie about a marriage that has fallen apart ~ 2nd only in bad movies to watch when feeling down about your
lack of love live to Revolutionary Road) sort of just made matters worse, I opted for my sure-fire way to feel awesome. About everything. Basically any reality show on TLC is certain to make even the most fucked up individual seem totally normal by comparison. 😉 Intervention, Hoarders, Extreme Couponing, Cupcake Wars …….. oh wait, not that last one. These people are just nuts.
So as I was watching the oddly fascinating show on extreme couponers (more power to them, btw, I just can’t see spending 1/2 my day cutting out coupons and memorizing sale flyers) I decided that they are a special breed of OCD and hoarders mixed together. I love a good sale as much as the next person, but really, does anyone need 100 bottles of liquid hand soap? Or 427 tubes of toothpaste? Honestly, I can’t even fathom the algorithms these people use in order to determine that they need exactly 186 boxes of fabric softener in order to make their ‘deal’ work. Gives me a headache just thinking about it. Now if these people are donating all their excess stockpiles, that’s awesome, but I see them with room upon room of food items. Food items that there is no possible way that they will be able to use in their entire lifetime much less before the packages expire. Really? 538 boxes of pasta? Anyway, these highly
anal retentive organized people (I actually saw one bitch on wheels charming woman snap at her husband and scream ‘hey you’ at him from across the store. Oh and did I mention that she couldn’t have weighed an ounce less than 350 lbs and even she had a man, but I digress) make my penchant for lists and hanging sticky do’s all around my house seem perfectly normal, so thank you.
Kinda makes me think that Internet daters are very similar in their ‘stockpiling’ techniques. No, they don’t use store coupons in order to amass their rotation of people to date, but they do spend most likely what is an inordinate amount of time online picking and choosing from the available ‘specials’ that are on display each week. They may find an awesome ‘purchase’ and one that fits just what they’re looking for, but the allure of surpassing what they have with the ‘next great find’ is apparently one that is quite tempting. Yup, I internet date. We’re all well aware. That’s what the majority of my blog is about (aside from the intermittent whiny introspective & neurotic ramblings). I do the same thing. Certainly not to the extreme levels of some mind you (well aside from that ridiculous week of dating 6 guys in 5 days), but it seems that’s just how it works. I have not put a lot of effort into my online escapades lately because a) it’s frankly exhausting b) it’s annoying and c) i may have quite possibly already dated everyone in town that might ‘work’ for me. 😉 Even when W & I started (a whopping 3 weeks ago – damn, what a difference a week makes, right?), I still signed into the sites. Not to necessarily ‘troll’ for new and improved guys, but mainly just to empty my inbox and delete unwanted winks/e-mails/nudges/whatever. The fact of the matter was that I was online, so no one seeing that I was online would have any clue that I wasn’t actually shopping in order to enlarge my stockpile.
Sure, I saw that W on online on Tuesday. Pair that with the fact that Tuesday is the day that I didn’t hear from him as he said he was sick in bed and sleeping all day, and sure, my mind wanders. He could very well have just been online emptying his inbox too. Who knows. I think I am so predisposed to think that everyone is always searching for the next best newest, shiniest, most awesome ‘deal’ that it clouds my judgement sometimes. Regardless of whether I ever hear from him again or not, I am certain that he was not ‘shopping’. Hell, the guy can barely get thru the day with all the other crap he has going on apparently. Then again, maybe I’m wrong and that is, in fact, why I didn’t hear from him much last week. Whatever. What it comes down to is this. I am not after the largest amount of guys (although my dating stats from the last 2 years would show otherwise), I just want one great deal. A deal that will last throughout anyone else’s stockpile of ‘goods’ just sitting on the shelves and waiting to be consumed. I don’t want to be a hoarder. Or an extreme couponer. I want to just find one spectacular item that will withstand the test of time. Sort of like an awesome pair of shoes. Complete with the breaking in period. Damn if I can find a good coupon though 😉