43 & Single – Heaven Help Me, I've Resorted To Internet Dating!

Ridiculous & Random Stories & Thoughts on My Experiences

Do As I Say, Not As I Do Part #217 or …….. I’m a big fat liar June 21, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 10:42 am
Tags: , , ,

So yes, I loved loved loved the post that ODC made about what some dating coach said regarding ‘what to do’ in an online relationship.  It included such things as ‘don’t chase’, ‘don’t believe words, only actions’, and a lot of other totally common sense things that we, as apparently highly emotional and overly analytical people do repeatedly with guys.  Trying to figure out the underlying meaning in every action or phrase or lack thereof.  We are, in essence, told to just sit back and ‘mirror’ what the guy does.  If he calls, then answer.  If he texts, then answer.  But don’t initiate.

Uh, okay.  While I absolutely see the reasoning in all of this, what it comes down to is this.  If it’s not in your nature to do these things and you find it more frustrating than not to follow, then do whatever the hell you want.  I read this post on Sunday.  Agreed with absolutely everything that was written.  Absolutely see the validity in everything that this guy says.  Absolutely swore that I would follow his advice.  And absolutely didn’t. (go figure)  It’s just not who I am.  Sure, I may screw up more relationships than most, but do I want one based on ‘acting’ like someone who I’m not?

We all know I had a major mini breakdown and loss of all self confidence or respect last week regarding W.  How I acted was absolutely asinine.  To me and I’m sure, to him.  I had spent the better part of the week obsessing over why he flaked on me three times.  Why he didn’t respond to each and every text.  Why he wasn’t as attentive as he had been the 2 weeks prior.  It was really quite pathetic the tizzy I managed to work myself into.  I waffled back and forth between ‘I’m done’ and ‘I’ll give it just one more shot’ probably 20 times.

As it stood, I had myself convinced that he had seen I was online and was pissed and that’s why he was pulling back.  Whether or not this is true, it’s what I had landed on.  I swore up and down that I wouldn’t follow up with him.  I wouldn’t contact him.  That I wouldn’t ‘chase’ him.  Guess what?  I’m a liar.  I don’t consider just wanting a straight answer ‘chasing’.  If I want something (or someone) in life, I’m going to go after it.  I’m not a passive participant in life.  No one is going to just bring me what I want.  I need to go after it.  Even if I fail and it makes me appear a big fat fool.

So when we left off, W was out of town for the weekend and had sent me a stellar 3 letter ‘thx’ response to my Happy Father’s Day text to him.  Nice.  I was done.  Or so I told myself.  I was not going to contact him.  Or so I told myself.  I was not going to worry about things.  Or so I told myself.  W got back in town Sunday night.  And didn’t contact me.  That would make 5 days straight.  So different from 2 weeks prior when he couldn’t wait to tell me he was coming back to town a day earlier than anticipated.  What a difference a week makes, right?

Anyway, I didn’t sleep one bit Sunday night.  I was pissed, I was sad, I was frustrated.  I promised a friend that I would not contact him for at least 2 days in order to give him a chance to contact me 1st.  Of course I got up at 4am on Monday morning and started working on a ‘script’ for what I would say when I called him and inevitably went to voicemail.  I wrote, I edited, I re-edited and then I sent it off to my most trusted advisor when it comes to how not to fuck things up right off the bat (ha, a bit too late, right).  I had scripted a nice message about knowing that things were awkward and wanting a chance to talk to him about it.  yadda, yadda, yadda.  She of course put the kibosh on that and suggested I just invite him over as if nothing was wrong whatsoever and then if and when he accepted, to then bring up my concerns.  Oh, duh.  Yeah, that works too I guess.

So I called.  And so he answered.  And so we talked.  About absolutely nothing.  And I invited him over to dinner last night.  And he couldn’t make it but suggested Wednesday.  It was all very ‘civil’ and kinda really awkward, like we were buddies (great, thanks for being right about that Matthew ;-)).  Of course I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t try to ‘fish’ just a bit, so I threw in there that I had sort of missed seeing him last week (and please know that I NEVER say stuff like that as I have this fear of being laughed at if I show any sort of emotion) and he says ‘yes, it was too bad that our schedules just didn’t match up’.  WHAT?  Okay, whatever.  It was a totally civil conversation, I could tell that he was holding back and I absolutely was, so if and when Wednesday does actually happen, it should be interesting as I don’t quite know what happened to move me into the ‘friend zone’.  Or if he’s just backing up on things.  Point being that while I was creating all this drama in my head and expecting the worse, he seemed kinda fine with things.  Don’t get me wrong, there are things to talk about as I cannot go thru another week like last week, so I will ask him where his head is at in all this.  I will ask him what the deal was last week with fallen through plans.  I will ask him why, all of a sudden, on Thursday all contact ceased.  I may or may not ask him why he’s been online so much (but probably won’t).  I may, or may not, tell him that I removed my profile from the dating site (as I know guys freak out about that stuff), but if I do, I will explain the reasons behind it and that it doesn’t mean that he’s the one and only in my life and I’m head over heals in love.  ‘Cause I’m not.  Basically I’m going to be honest with him, let him know that whatever it is that’s going is bringing on huge bouts of anxiety and insecurity.  Craptastic feeling.  One that I don’t want to continue.  So he agreed to dinner Wednesday night.  And I haven’t heard from him since.  I did text this morning to see if 6 worked for him and got a ‘works for me’ reply.  Absolutely no niceties whatsoever.  We’ll see if Wednesday actually happens I guess.  For good or bad, I just need to know what the hell is going on because, for a change, this isn’t all in my head.  Something IS different and I’d like to know what brought it on and why. 😦

 Ah, the soap opera that is my life continues.

_

 

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6 Responses to “Do As I Say, Not As I Do Part #217 or …….. I’m a big fat liar”

  1. Manda Says:

    God, how I wish we could be more like guys in certain ways (oblivious, or good at acting oblivious anyway). (Apologies to all male readers). It’s always been easier on me knowing the why of something, but then I so over-analyze the “why”, that’s not satisfactory either. Prepare yourself for some totally lame, out-of- the blue, WTF excuse — just like “our schedules didn’t match up” or whatever he said. My total guess is that he freaked out because because of the way you guys connected and because he just got out of a LTR. I’m not sure W will be able to use his grown up words to verbalize this tho. I know you’re not writing this to “help” other people, but I seriously cannot tell you how much reading this stuff helps me to know I’m not alone in the way I think and try to figure things (guys) out. Makes me feel normal, and if that’s not a scary thought, I’m not sure what is.

    • Thanks Manda. No, you’re not alone. 😉 I know that I won’t get the answers I’m looking for, but hopefully they will be good enough ones that I can be at peace with either seeing him or not in the future. He could give me the deer in the headlights ‘what? nothing is wrong.’ or he could just say ‘i met someone better/less annoying/sluttier’ ……. who knows 😉

      (and thanks for not telling me I’m just a big ole’ idiot for doing this)

  2. everevie Says:

    Grey…I’m glad something is in the works with W…and I certainly hope he lives up to the hype he created himself in the first couple of weeks. Maybe the plain and simple answer really IS that (in his mind) your schedules didn’t line up. He had his kids, his appointments…he was sick…he went out of town…blah, blah, blah.

    It’s no excuse…but since there was no formal contract signed on the type and amount of attention he should be paying to you…he might need to be allowed one free pass.

    I’m 100% sure you are going to know everything you need to know by Thursday morn…good or bad.

  3. jgavinallan Says:

    My friend:
    All of this drama or anxiety or whatever you can put a name to it…how is it affecting you.
    It has to be stressful to the nth degree
    Jaye

  4. Matthew Says:

    Certainly glad that you two are getting together (today for that matter). Hopefully I’m extremely wrong in regards to the ‘friend zone’ element and he’s just being aloof.


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