So tonight was date #1 with guy #4 (the guy who has the daughter with hurt feet). The guy that I was pretty sure I wouldn’t be attracted to, but opted to go anyway. No, I have NO clue why I do shit like that. All the time. Anyway, I walk in and just know within the 1st few seconds that this isn’t going to be good and damn it, how do I get out of this?
So I sit down and yup, he does have wonky teeth. And a very disconcerting birthmark. Shit! Where am I supposed to look when I talk to him? Well apparently that wasn’t going to be an issue as he did ALL the talking. About his kids. And his ex. And his hobbies. And his kids. And what he’s looking for. And his kids. And his ‘selling features’. Oh, and did I mention that he talked about his kids?
We ordered drinks. I got a beer and he got a ……….wait for it ……… Amaretto Sour. Huh. He says since he has a sweet tooth he likes those, and again, wait for it ………. daiquiris and one more time, wait for it ………. sloe gin fizzes. Holy hell, I haven’t heard of those drinks in decades! Yeah, of course I had to make fun of him. It’s what I do.
Okay, so as he’s selling himself to me I am picking up on all that he loves so that when he asks me about what I like, i can say the opposite! 🙂 He talks about camping. I say I hate camping and am more of a hotel girl. He then changes his tune to say he only goes camping for like one night a year. Crap. Then he talks about how he loves hiking. So I say I can’t stand hiking. And again he backtracks to ‘fit’ what I am saying. Shit. He says he loves talking about current events. Bingo! I say (totally painting myself as a retarded moron) that I don’t keep up on current events, hate talking about them and much prefer to talk about ridiculous things. I mean really? Could I sound any more lame? I guess I could as he backpedaled again to stress that he’s a ‘wacky’ guy too. And illustrates that fact by telling me about how he likes to fly paper airplanes in the office and go into people’s cubicles when they’re not there and turn everything upside down. Hmmm, funny or just immature and annoying? You be the judge.
Anyway, as he was exceptionally
boring nice, and I didn’t want to hurt his feelings or lead him on (cause for some asinine reason, he seemed to really like me), I didn’t do my usual ‘okay thanks, it was nice meeting you’ and run out the door. I was flat out honest with him. Oh crap, I should have given you all fair warning; I hope no-one fell off their chair. I straight up told him that although I think he’s a great guy, that we really don’t have much in common and that I don’t see us getting together again. And you know what he did? No, he didn’t throw a drink in my face (that maraschino cherry floating in his girly drink coulda put an eye out). No, he didn’t call me a bitch and tell me to drop dead. He thanked me for my honesty. Wow. He is a nice guy.
Anyway, we got the check, i offered to pay for my drink (i felt it only right as I just basically dumped the guy) and he wouldn’t let me. As I’m not totally nice and without an uber bitchy streak, as we were leaving I said I needed to go the restroom and gave him a hug and told him that it was nice meeting him and to drive safely. And I went to the bathroom. And then straight back to the bar to plop my tush down on a bar stool, order another beer and some wings and proceeded to text my evening to friends. 🙂 Damn those wings were good.
Oh, so here’s the lesson folks. Maybe honesty is the best policy. No not about saying you have to go the bathroom ’cause you want some wings, but letting a bad date know that it’s just not meant to be instead of just leaving it hanging ………..