I swear, I have the best realtor in the universe. Not only is she great at what she does, but she’s a great person all the way around. And apparently a free therapist! Yey me! Sadly for her, my latest forray into the world of real estate coincided with the whole W saga. We had just started looking at properties when W and I 1st met and he kinda swept me off my clumsy feet. She was so excited for me. She was still showing me around during the whole WTF episodes of communication breakdown. She stuck with me during my whole introspective waffling over everything. She’s even still here when I’m trying to get it thru my thick stupid skull that what’s not meant to be just isn’t meant to be.
She has such awesome insight! She says the most common sense things, but in a way that is a total lightbulb for me. I haven’t written about W lately as I have no clue what to write. I don’t know where we stand or what’s going on. I do know that he tells me one thing and then does another (or does nothing). I have chosen to believe his words over his lack of actions. My awesome realtor busts out with ‘I can’t hear what you’re saying because your actions are deafening’. And I think she’s the most brilliant damn woman on the face of the planet! A jazzed up version of ‘actions speak louder than words’. Duh. I know this. You know this. We all know this. I’ve apparently forgotten. I have allowed very sweet and reassuring words to lull me into a sense of suspended animation. Where I just sorta wait for him to back up his words with actions. He hasn’t. I don’t think he’s a bad guy. I don’t know why he’s not following thru on anything. I don’t think he has a vindictive or derisive bone in his body. I do think he’s confused. And lost. And just doesn’t want to hurt my feelings.
Although I can delude myself into believing whatever I want to believe at any given time and am equally adept at seeing things that aren’t really there, I’m not usually one to allow someone else to take advantage of my good nature (oh shut up, I do so have one). I am a very logical person and do not often let my heart overtake my head. I did this time around. Not that that’s a bad thing by any means, however I think I may have chosen to experiment with this option on the wrong guy. Not because he’s bad or mean or shitty or stupid. But because he’s lost. And confused. And really not in a place where he should even be dating. Or maybe just not dating me. I kinda sorta hoped that I could ‘fix’ all of this. I allowed myself to believe his words when his actions screamed otherwise.
My awesome realtor was able to make me see that what I was/am doing is just plain stupid (without actually calling me stupid). I think I can deal with things ………… I’ll still be sad, sure, but it won’t be like this forever …………