Hell, I can’t even type that word without making one of my patented ‘wtf you loser’ faces. As I am months behind on reading my magazine subscriptions due to not only being busy with work, but also with the inordinate amount of time that I
waste spend going out with every nimrod and douchebag on the internet, I found myself perusing a mag from back in May. And it had an article about proms. No clue why I bothered reading it, but I did.
I didn’t go to my prom. Neither my junior nor senior prom. I wasn’t invited. Boo me. I was not the spectacular specimen that people see today back then. I was shy and awkward and well let’s be honest, not all that attractive. I had an awesome (and by awesome, I mean huge) nose that would have put Barbara Streisand to shame, and although I had it fixed (twice) during my junior year, it still didn’t stop most of the guys that had tormented me since grade school ( a fabulous time that my oh so supportive mother referred to as my ‘dog years’) from continuing to make fun of me. I sort of embraced my lack of popularity and decided that if I wasn’t going to fit in, I’d play it up for all it’s worth. Yup, I was that really smart girl who would dress in order to stand out. Nope, not like a slut. Or as a geek. Just as kinda, well weird. I will never forget the day I wore a sailor style dress (shut up, they were actually in style that year) to school with a pair of jerry-rigged tights. One leg was red, the other was white. Yup, I was a piece of work. Kind of astounds me to this day that I would think something like that was a smart thing to do. Huh. Go figure. I guess I wasn’t as intelligent as I thought.
Anyway, I didn’t get invited to junior prom. Because I went to school with assholes. 🙂 By senior year I had started to come into my own (and watch the hell out once I hit freshmen year of college) but was so traumatized by my 3 previous years of having to attend a snooty school full of rich and entitled kids that I high tailed it out of there and graduated a semester early. In order to avoid the embarrassment of not being invited to prom again. Funny the things that shape our futures.
Ever since after high school I have been a different person. And certainly not a wallflower or a geek in any sense of the word aside from my love of all things Brady Brunch (yup, to this day). I am outwardly confident and outgoing and carefree. Inwardly, I still have pangs and doubts left over from years of being made fun of in school. Kinda really shitty. Even having run into many of my former tormentors over the years and having had them eat their words. Jim L. got ‘accidentally’ pushed in a pool by me at a party when he was hitting on me – ooopsie. Jeff S. who was probably my 1st grade school crush but patently ignored me every single day like I was invisible opted to try to befriend me at my 15 year reunion – ha! Several others that I have run into have commented on ‘how I’ve changed’. Well sure, you stupid idiots, I’m older and more attractive but hello? I’m the exact same person that I was back then. Of course there are still the idiots that I run into. Like Hans, who every time he shows up at an event that I’m working, he asks who I am (keep in mind that my name is embroidered on my jacket). Eh, he was always a moron. And I guess some people never change.
Oh hell, I’ve gotten totally off topic. I know, I know, I do it all the time. Whatever. So prom. Never got invited. Always claimed to never having wanted to go anyway. Totally lying. I SO wanted to go. I wanted to be invited and wear a pretty dress even if the style back then was crinkly, shiny taffeta. I wanted my date to bring me flowers or a corsage. I wanted to slow dance. I wanted to be part of the ‘in-crowd’. I wasn’t. It still bothers me.
Have I mentioned lately how much I absolutely hated high school? So funny what a difference a few months makes. I was pretty much an outcast in high school, but once I hit college (and really, how much can a person change in 6 months), I had a blast. Friendly and popular and still smart and well, one of the ‘in-crowd’. I got to go to fraternity formals and hang out with the basketball team. And football team. And rugby team. Nope, I wasn’t a groupie or one of the campus sluts (well I was, but not with the athletic teams …… shhhhh, don’t judge me). Although some of them hit on me, I was really the gal that they just liked to hang out with. Go drinking with. Laugh with. And inevitably, copy off me in class. 😉
So to all of those assholes I went to high school with. The ones who did huge damage to my confidence and psyche. The ones who never asked me to prom, much less out at all. Piss off you idiots. I hate you all and blame my current internet dating ‘challenges’ on you. Thank goodness I’m not bitter though, right? 🙂