43 & Single – Heaven Help Me, I've Resorted To Internet Dating!

Ridiculous & Random Stories & Thoughts on My Experiences

I Just Can’t Help Myself July 14, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 12:12 am
Tags: , ,

So the only way I’m going to stop moping about W is to try to meet someone else.  Someone else good.  Okay, fine, I’ll settle for decent at this point. 😉  Scratch that, I don’t want to settle.  I will, however, go out for drinks with anyone that doesn’t piss me off or annoy the crap out of me.  Or that isn’t dumb as a rock.  Or hideous.  Damn, amazing no one has snatched me up by now, right? 😉

Anyway, I was screwing around on the dating sites tonight and sending out winks on Match to anyone that didn’t make me want to throw myself off the roof of my 2 story house onto the 150 degree blacktop.  No worries, there weren’t all that many.  Ugh. I took a peek at the ‘who’s viewed your profile’ and had my eyes accosted by waaaay too many old unattractive guys.  Really?  I swear I’m not hideous, I don’t know why no one cute checks out my profile.  Oh, that’s right, I’ve been on there so damn long all the cute ones have already seen me.  Or I’ve already gone out with them.  Ooopsie.  Is it bad for me to actually look at a picture of a guy and not be able to remember if I’ve gone out with him before or not?  Okay then, is it bad for me to actually look at a picture of a guy and not be able to remember if I’ve gone out with him before or not only to realize that it’s the guy I went out with last Wednesday?  Yeah, I thought so.  I suck.  Oh well, so did he.  And was a shitty kisser, so whatever ……

So I sent out some winks on Match, I sent out a couple of e-mails on *better sit down for this one* Plenty of Tools, and then signed off.  Damn, it’s exhausting wading thru so many questionable guys in order to try to find a decent one.  Okay fine,  a decent one that I want to take on a bike ride.  What?  Deal with your own priorities, mine are a little screwed up at this point.  So one fairly cute guy with great pictures and a really funny/smart profile essay caught my eye, so I messaged him.  Or at least tried to.  The message bounced back saying that he was not accepting messages from someone in my ‘age group’. OUCH!  The guy was 42 for christ sake!  He’s only accepting messages from 25-37 year olds.  Right, he’ll have so much in common with a 25 year old co-ed.  Whatever.

Anyway, I got a couple of responses back already (heeee), however I fear I am going to have to lift my ban on men who have no grasp of the english language for a bit if I ever hope to uh, enter the tour de france. 😉  Here’s the awesome (and by awesome I mean semi-toolish cut and paste) response I got from some guy who refers to himself as TallDark54789 (because after all, 54788 other guys had already picked that lame moniker).  Oh, and he’s only 6′ which we all know means he’s really only 5’10” in the world of online dating.  For your reading pleasure I give you the resume of not so TallDark, who apparently didn’t bother to read my profile before responding (ah, a man after my own heart):

I am very new to online dating so please bare with me. I like that fact that you are so laid back and easy going. I’m so tired of drama and confrontation. Unfortunately a lot of my profile was not saved (like fun things and hot spots) but they are very similiar to yours (really…I’m not just making that up). My fun things are playing sports, spending time with friends, and hanging out anywhere with a special person. I love the beach and the water so my favorite places are mexico, san diego, and above all…Lake Tahoe. I can just as easily sit and watch a movie too.

Im very easy going, easy to get along with, but have some definite goals and needs in my life, most of which I taken care of, but I still have more (mostly travel abroad). I have 3 kids, one is away at college and the other two or 15 and 14 (girl, boy). They are fantastic kids, have never been any trouble to me, and I am very proud of them all. Oh, and they spend half there time at their Mother’s (which is probably pretty important to you 🙂

Now, as I am apparently not ‘laid back’ as I had hoped and wouldn’t exactly call myself sporty, I have no clue why he didn’t bother to edit his form letter to me.  Or for that matter, bother to include his actual name.  Or figure out the correct usage of the tricky trio of there, their and they’re. 😉

Of course I messaged him back.  With a patented ‘me’ style message of ‘thanks for the very informative response to my lame wink.  you neglected to tell me your name, dumbass however’ …….. and with that, my dear friends, let the games begin.  Again.  Crap. 😦


10 Responses to “I Just Can’t Help Myself”

  1. Matthew Says:

    I’m surprised you also didn’t press on his use of “bare with me”…

    Yes, you mentioned grammatical issues with the guy but the fact that he is actually asking you to get nekkid with him…can’t let it pass. 😉

    • As luck would have it Matthew, he used the ‘bare with me’ again in his next response to me. I think I actually physically cringed, however he’s not that bad looking, so who knows? It has been a while 😉

  2. jgavinallan Says:

    Give him a chance…he forgot due to being so nervous…

  3. Surrey gal Says:

    Are you looking now purely for a bike ride, Grey??? You keep shocking me 😛 He doesn’t have to speak English as long as he is good looking and can pedal well 🙂

    • I just talk a good game Surrey Gal. No, I’m not just looking for a bike ride. If that’s all I wanted, I could just go out to a bar and pick up some schmuck there. It would be nice to find a ‘whole package’ kinda guy though ……. And sorry for shocking you 😉

  4. everevie Says:

    LOL…he’s not as bad as some that you’ve posted…and I was considering that he actually meant for you to “bare” with him, not “bear” with him. Maybe he’s being upfront in asking for a bike-ride. LOL.

    I’m funny.

    • you are funny ……. however did you get the part where he just started dating again after 3 years? and depending on what he looks like in person i might actually bare with him .. or bear with him ……. depends on how drunk i am 😉

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