No, not mine you big sillies. As I was at the pool today
having impure thoughts about all the hard bodied young men peacefully tanning, an announcement comes overhead. For a bikini contest. Haha NO, I did not enter, however I can also say that more than half of those that did should not have entered. This is Vegas. Home of the surgically enhanced, petite pole dancer entertainer. You’d think that the competition would be stiff. Yeah, not so much.
Now before you call me out for being all judgy (’cause I am), I hold no illusions about myself. I see things pretty clearly. I am in pretty decent shape for an old fart, but I am nowhere near where I was when I was younger and I am well aware that no-one wants to see me shake my bootie while wearing a bikini. Even if they did, I wouldn’t do it. Here’s the thing though. Most of the *ahem* contestants were young. In their 20s. And they had horrible bodies! Why would they get up on a stage and do that. Sure, everyone has imperfections and that’s what makes us all unique, but really? If you’re 30lbs overweight and wearing an ill fitting bikini that not only accentuates your muffin top and you haven’t done a single squat in your life, please; for the love of god, do not enter a bikini contest! Some of us are now going to be traumatized by those visions.
And because I love you all, I thought I’d traumatize you too. Yup, I’m a giver. And these were the best of the group. Just consider yourselves lucky that I couldn’t get my zoom to work 😉