I sort of am the mindset that if things didn’t end badly, then they probably wouldn’t end, right? No, I don’t need (or want) some melodramatic anything, however I would appreciate someone being straight up and honest. I realize we’ve been thru this before, but now I’m to the place that it’s just ridiculous and sadly instead of holding out any hope about anything in the future, I’m just kinda pissed. Not pissed in a fuck you sorta way, but pissed that he’s making me worry that something bad happened. And I have no way to know. If, in fact he’s just doing the ‘guy thing’ of cut off contact and she’ll figure it out eventually, his timing is absolutely horrendous. We all know that I left W a phone message last week. Just a lighthearted, wanted to check and see what’s been going on in your world, yadda, yadda, call me when you get a sec. And he opted not to. I also sent him a stupid e-mail with his horrorscope on Saturday (as I thought it was pretty fucking fitting for him and I thought it was kind of encouraging). To no response. Nothing.
Here’s the thing and what makes me want to simultaneously kick his ass and sigh with relief if I could find out my worry was for naught as he did, in fact, just opt to blow me off. You be the judge of this sort of timing. We e-mailed back a forth a few times the week before last. Just boring messages about absolutely nothing. The last message I got from him was on Friday the 8th at 6pm telling me that he was headed back up to the mountains (weird that he would start a 4 hour trip at that hour, but whatever). No clue if he meant for the weekend, the week, the month, or the rest of his life. And then nothing ………….. what the fuck? I now have my overactive imagination wondering if he fell off the wagon, if he got in a car accident, if he got eaten by a bear or any other multitude of bad things. If, in fact, he had decided that his last e-mail to me would be the ‘final’ one before he proceeded to ignore me, why would it have been so normal? I don’t care that we’re done. Well, I do, but I have convinced myself that I don’t. He needs to do what he needs to do and I need to move on. I just think it’s very strange that his ‘headed to the mountains’ was it ………. and I’m not happy that he’s left me to worry about him ……… again.