43 & Single – Heaven Help Me, I've Resorted To Internet Dating!

Ridiculous & Random Stories & Thoughts on My Experiences

What A Shitty Way To End July 18, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 10:14 am
Tags: , ,

I sort of am the mindset that if things didn’t end badly, then they probably wouldn’t end, right?  No, I don’t need (or want) some melodramatic anything, however I would appreciate someone being straight up and honest.  I realize we’ve been thru this before, but now I’m to the place that it’s just ridiculous and sadly instead of holding out any hope about anything in the future, I’m just kinda pissed.  Not pissed in a fuck you sorta way, but pissed that he’s making me worry that something bad happened.  And I have no way to know.  If, in fact he’s just doing the ‘guy thing’ of cut off contact and she’ll figure it out eventually, his timing is absolutely horrendous.  We all know that I left W a phone message last week.  Just a lighthearted, wanted to check and see what’s been going on in your world, yadda, yadda, call me when you get a sec.  And he opted not to.  I also sent him a stupid e-mail with his horrorscope on Saturday (as I thought it was pretty fucking fitting for him and I thought it was kind of encouraging).  To no response.  Nothing.

Here’s the thing and what makes me want to simultaneously kick his ass and sigh with relief if I could find out my worry was for naught as he did, in fact, just opt to blow me off.  You be the judge of this sort of timing.  We e-mailed back a forth a few times the week before last.  Just boring messages about absolutely nothing.  The last message I got from him was on Friday the 8th at 6pm telling me that he was headed back up to the mountains (weird that he would start a 4 hour trip at that hour, but whatever).  No clue if he meant for the weekend, the week, the month, or the rest of his life.  And then nothing ………….. what the fuck?  I now have my overactive imagination wondering if he fell off the wagon, if he got in a car accident, if he got eaten by a bear or any other multitude of bad things.  If, in fact, he had decided that his last e-mail to me would be the ‘final’ one before he proceeded to ignore me, why would it have been so normal?  I don’t care that we’re done.  Well, I do, but I have convinced myself that I don’t.  He needs to do what he needs to do and I need to move on.  I just think it’s very strange that his ‘headed to the mountains’ was it ………. and I’m not happy that he’s left me to worry about him ……… again.


18 Responses to “What A Shitty Way To End”

  1. Based on everything you’ve said, I doubt he’s sending you a message (by NOT sending you a message). He’s just being “W” again…

    I’m so sorry you have to put up with crap. You deserve someone more ‘present’ and although I still have hopes you two will get there eventually, these hopes have the prerequisite that you don’t throttle him in the meantime 🙂

    • I’m sure you’re right, SD, I just wish he could pull his head out of his ass long enough to realize that letting me know that he’s starting a 4 hour drive at night, to the mountains might be a cause of worry for some. And it would be extra awesome if he just sent me a short and sweet little ‘fuck off’ or any sort of communication to let me know that he’s still alive ……. as I refuse to try and contact him again (no really, i mean it this time), I guess I’ll never know ……..

      • Option (a) … stick to your very sensible position and wait for him to contact you. Result = nervous tension.

        Option (b) … recognize he’s a plonker and send him a WTF query. Result = teeth grinding from sacrificing your principles.

        How’s your dental insurance?

  2. The same thing happened to me sort of. I broke up with a gf, not too long ago; and we were texting the week after we cooled off. It was just how are you texting nothing serious, then a week went by and I didn’t hear from her. I thought something happened but I contributed it to me being paranoid, then a month went by and I texted her to see if she was ok…nothing. Then I called her brother’s gf to find out if she was ok and she was. She had started another job and she said that my ex gf was probably just busy because she didn’t see her much anymore either. I thought damn, at least say you don’t want to see me again so I know where we stand. To just leave things up in the air like that is wrong.

    So I’ll give you the same advice that I gave myself, move on, if the person calls-go from there. Just don’t drive yourself crazy thinking about it.

    • Thanks. Although i’m (sadly) used to guys just disappearing, the whole back story with W just makes me worry, but you’re right and I will just move on. Thanks so much for the comment and advice.

  3. jgavinallan Says:

    I agree with struggling dad…to hell with guys like this…it may be hard to admit…but do not be humble…you are beter than them

    • No, I’m not better than him. His mind just works differently than most, so I have no clue as to his motivations (if there even are any). I refuse to think he’s a shithead. Its better in the end that we’re just done as I can’t handle the disappearing acts.

  4. I am so sorry GG. I can’t offer you much advice as I have been just where you are right now and really there no answers – not easy ones anyway. The title of your post says it all. But we are here to “listen” and support you. I will keep my fingers crossed for you.

  5. everevie Says:

    Grey…I know it’s sooo much easier said than done…but try not to worry (hi kettle, my name is pot). Whatever is going on with him (bear bait, or wagon falling) cannot be altered by your worry. It’s only altering YOUR life…for the worse.

    I have a gut feeling he’s fine (in the sense that he wasn’t eaten by a bear or in a car accident). Which means he’s pulling away/isolating…

    I’m rambling now. The point I’m trying to get to is that I understand what you are going through. I know how bad it sucks…and I’m sorry.

    • I know he’s fine Evie and has just chosen to forget me. I get it. He doesn’t deserve me, I didnt know him all that long, blah blah blah. …………i’m doing my best

      • everevie Says:

        Grey…I did not mean he was “fine”-fine. I meant…he’s prolly not up a tree somewhere in the mountains. I don’t think he’s “fine”-fine. I think he’s struggling…not to say he’s fallen off the wagon…I just think he’s having a hard time coping with life in general.

        And not for one second do I think he doesn’t deserve you or you him. He’s a broken man…and he’s working on repairing himself. Being broken doesn’t make him bad…not at all. FOR THOSE HERE WHO WOULD JUDGE HIM: Alcoholism is a real disease…it’s not a personality defect. UNFORTUNATELY the disease can cause personality defects…which are much like, say, “symptoms”. If for instance, he had cancer…and one of the symptoms was fatigue…and he didn’t often call you or keep contact b/c he was just so damned tired all the time…then no one here…not ONE person here…would fault him for it.

        Alcoholics do not deal with life the same way non-alcoholics do. They cannot cope the same way with fear, stress, etc. I honestly, with my whole heart…with my gut, believe that W has feelings for you. However, until he learns how to cope with his emotions…the anxiety…worries over thinking he’s not good enough for you…worries over messing up, etc….he will do what alcoholics do: He will deal with his fears by ignoring them. It used to be easier when he had his drug of choice to soothe him. Now…the best he can do is run/hide from them. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t care a great deal for you. He’s just not prepared yet.

        I have been extremely overwhelmed lately…by finances, work, social things, etc. Do you know how I’ve handled the pressures? By straight up ignoring them…by eating too much, drinking too much, going out too much…which obvs perpetuates the original problems.

        The fear is there…the knowledge that I’m not making the best choices is there…but right now, I feel I can do no more. I’m not prepared yet.

        I equate that to W…knowing that he’s risking losing your affection…knowing he’s hurting you…but he LITERALLY just can’t make himself reach out to you, b/c that means FACING his fear. He’s not ready.

        From what you’ve told me here and privately…I absolutely believe he’s a good man with a sweet soul. And you are a good woman with a sweet soul…you care for him, you know his character…THAT is why you have been persistant (not a pest…Surrey…not a pest)…because you know he IS worth it.

        I promise you…on down the line…whether you ever hear from him again or not…you will NOT regret that you took those extra steps. And I promise you…he is not sitting somewhere thinking you are annoying/pestering, etc.

        You are a BLESSING…to me, for sure….so I know you are a blessing to him as well. And as sure as the sky is blue…HE knows it too.

        • Thanks Evie. I do think you’re giving me a bit too much credit as to the impact/impression that I may or may not have left on W but I don’t really agree. I do believe he’s a good man at heart, I also believe I am/was just some gal he met on the internet. I just don’t know how the mind of an alcoholic works, so your viewpoint on that front is very helpful. I have had a hard time reconciling ‘his’ world, with how ‘other’ guys’ worlds work and never knew/know what to think or how to interpret things. Regardless of what is was (or wasn’t), it’s over now …….. 😦

  6. Surrey gal Says:

    I’m begging you! Please, please. Save your dignity and your pride and DO NOT, do not call him, sms him, email him. Please. Never. Ever again. Please. You know your value and you are worth much more than to chase (pester? bug? pursue? I don’t know what the word here would be, but you know what I mean) a douchebag who doesn’t deserve it.
    Grey, you know that if he wanted he would be in touch with you. If he is not that’s because he doesn’t want to.
    I know it sounds harsh but I am a very direct person (that’s not always a good thing, I know) but I hope you won’t get upset with me, and you can delete this comment if you think I shouldn’t stick my nose into none of my business…
    Oh, and I know it’s easier said than done, because I’ve been there.

    • Damn SG, this is a harsh comment and nothing I don’t already know. It is easier said than done and I am not planning on contacting him again. I appreciate everyone’s comments as they help, however to see in print you basically call me a pest isn’t the best of feelings.

      I know he wants nothing to with me. I get it. Doesn’t make me any less sad. Or stupid.

      • I’m doing the best I can……….as I never expected to like him so much, I never expected to have such a hard time with this

        • Surrey gal Says:

          Please, don’t get upset. I said it only because I can see the situation as you describe it from the outside so I see it without all the emotions. You are inside it all and it’s a different perspective. But I’ve been there and I know how hard it is. I also know no matter how hard we try it doesn’t change or help anything. It takes two to tango and if he wants to, he will find you… I didn’t mean to upset you, that was not my purpose, on the contrary, I was hoping you’ll like him a bit less…. and I wish somebody had told me when I was being a pest.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s