43 & Single – Heaven Help Me, I've Resorted To Internet Dating!

Ridiculous & Random Stories & Thoughts on My Experiences

My Realtor is Fired as My Guru July 26, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 4:02 pm
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So my wonderful realtor and I went out to happy hour last night to celebrate finally closing on something that I had been looking for for a while.  We always get along great.  We laugh, we joke, we laugh at others, she’s a great person and usually has great insight.  She showed me another side to her last night though.  I don’t know if it was the dirty martinis that I turned her onto or what, but she got a little judgy on me.  Hell, I’m all for being judgy when it regards others (not really), but NO, she was being judgy about me!  Hold the phone!

She wanted me to bring her up to date on my always astounding dating history.  So I told her.  She asked about Webster, so I told her.  I told her about Tuesday Guy.  I told her about TallDark as well.  Everything that I’ve written in here as well, so you all (all 3 of you) know as much as she does (and I do since I keep no secrets ~ well, ones that count anyway 😉 ).

This time around though, instead of busting out with one of her enlightened ‘pull your head out’ statements, she lays this one on me.  ‘You only choose guys that are unavailable’.  Huh?  How do you figure?  She uses Webster & TallDark as examples.  Uhm, I didn’t know they were ‘unavailable’ until after I decided I liked them.  She then told me I do it on an subconscious level.  And I told her, nice as could be, that she was full of shit.  I thought that was a very odd thing to say to me.  I’m confused at this point.  She goes further in telling me that I obviously don’t want to find someone.  Erm ………… WTF?

All of that aside, as I appreciate hearing others’ fucked up viewpoints, she then crossed the line in how she opted to illustrate her point.  “Look, you’re 43 and never been married.  How could you date so many guys and not one of them be right?”  To which I think I just stared at her, open-mouthed.  Let’s back up a minute.  I haven’t been looking for my ‘soul mate’ since the day I was born.  I was into my late 20s before I even considered finding someone.  Then I met the asshole and that sucked up 5 years.  Then I opted to just date after that.  Then I met my last ex, who I wasted was with for 2 years.  Then I took a 3 year break from guys after that.  It’s really only been since the beginning of last year that I’ve been ‘actively’ looking.  It felt very odd for me to have try to justify myself.  And it made me consider, for all of a millisecond, that she might be right.

Guess what?  She’s not.  I’m not a ring chaser by any stretch of the imagination but I absolutely do want to find someone.  I don’t settle, I put a huge weight on chemistry (which I apparently don’t have with many guys) and the sheer exercise (not of the bike riding variety, dammit) of internet dating means I go out with way more guys that I ever would in ‘real life’.  Do I only have chemistry with ‘unavailable’ guys lately?  Yup, sure looks that way, but the chemistry is there before I realize they’re unavailable.

She kinda made me feel like a loser.  She, who married her high-school boyfriend.  I was kinda sorta expecting an inspirational ‘he’s out there, don’t give up’ pep talk from her.  Boy was I wrong!  No more dirty martinis for her! 😉




13 Responses to “My Realtor is Fired as My Guru”

  1. everevie Says:

    You know…I’m offended too! B/c I can apply her statements and “theories” to myself.

    But…seriously…let’s look at it this way…and let’s use W and TD as examples: You and I are both single at our respective ages…we’ve been single for a while…and for a good portion of that time CHOSE to be single.

    W and TD are also both single at their ages. But…why are they single? Hmmm? Why? B/c they found their “mate” and married them. And then what? Yep. They divorced. And now they are single.

    We have friends in our blog-neighborhood who are single…not b/c they didn’t “find someone” and marry…but b/c those marriages ended.

    So…what’s the deal? How does she explain them? Huh? Did they not really want it?

    It’s soooo fucking easy to pass judgement when you have no idea what the hell you are talking about.

    How about we talk to her 10 years from now…when you and I have found our “ones” after years of waiting and NOT settling…and when she is facing a broken marriage b/c she married the first guy she had feelings for.

    I’m sorry…but this really struck a nerve in me…

    • wow Evie, I think this bothered you more than it did me 😦 sorry. I was more thrown off by the whole ‘choosing unavailable men’ than the whole ‘you’re still single after 4 decades’ ………

  2. Well I have dated my share of men…I am a long termer that gets bored after a certain amount of time. My problem is I settle, too fast, when I think it is right. We all have our issues. You can be sure as shit she has hers too my friend, slough it off, move on to people that will make you feel great. Life is too short to hang out with someone that makes herself feel better, by making you feel bad…

    • Thanks RP. I don’t think she meant to come off so harsh (or maybe she did?), I just don’t think ‘happily’ married people understand the whole single thing.

      And don’t you settle! You deserve awesome!

  3. Don’t listen to her ignorant opinions. One thing I have learned being single is everyone has a ridiculous asinine opinion on some aspect of our single hood like somehow ‘they’ know something we don’t. Ignorant fools. Glad that your ‘relationship’ with her is over anyway.

    As for the pep talk. Look no further! We got you covered!

    • And you are a great pep talker Shades! Thank you for that! 🙂 Yes, everyone has an opinion on things that they apparently know nothing about …… if I wasn’t a few cocktails in, I probably would have just laughed it off ………. she did pick up the tab though, so it wasn’t all bad 😉

  4. Surrey gal Says:

    I can see her point of view (probably) – she may think that if you really wanted to be with somebody you would, and because deep down you don’t want to (are too scared or whatever) then you subconsciously pick up guys who are not available.
    Having said that I disagree with her. Because she married her high school boyfriend she may think that the world works like this. It doesn’t. It’s not easy to meet somebody that you would like to be with and on top of that it’s mutual!
    It’s not your fault that the guys are twats.
    Don’t worry about her and her opinions, she’s allowed to have one.

  5. Matthew Says:

    A lot of that goes hand-in-hand with people who say, “You’re just too picky.”

    Sure, there are people who are picky, but other are just particular in knowing what they want…nay…need in a significant other and a relationship. And there is almost always a little ground that can be worked with because how often do we really find someone who “completely fits the bill”. It happens, yes. And if it does we embrace it.

    You can’t predict when lightning will strike. She lucked out and it happened in high school. For some of us, we have to wait a little more patiently in that open field, weilding the lightning rod.

    • Thanks Matthew. I am picky, but ‘too’ picky? I am just waiting for someone who fits the whole bill for me. If I wanted to settle for someone who fit some of the bill, I could be unhappily married right now. 😉

      I guess I need to go stand out on a golf course with my club (the one and only golf club that I own, btw) during the next electrical storm 😉

  6. Calling Bullshit. First, you’re not choosing guys that are unavailable. If they are on a fucking dating site you kinda have to assume they are available. Now, if you were having an affair with a married man or seeing somebody for months who is not going to commit, that would be different. That’s not what’s happening. You’re not continuing to invest your time once they are “unavailable.” And I’d much rather not have been married than be divorced. Or worse, in a stagnant, stale relationship.

  7. I tend to find that people in “happy” relationships who make comments like that aren’t really as happy as they’d like others to think. But they can make themselves believe that they are by making it seem as though the people they know are worse off.

    I wouldn’t let what she says get to you. She hasn’t been in your shoes or talked to the guys you’ve talked to. In hindsight it’s always easy to be clever on other peoples behalf. I’m sure she wouldn’t like it if you told her all the things she should have done differently with her business.

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