So my wonderful realtor and I went out to happy hour last night to celebrate finally closing on something that I had been looking for for a while. We always get along great. We laugh, we joke, we laugh at others, she’s a great person and usually has great insight. She showed me another side to her last night though. I don’t know if it was the dirty martinis that I turned her onto or what, but she got a little judgy on me. Hell, I’m all for being judgy when it regards others (not really), but NO, she was being judgy about me! Hold the phone!
She wanted me to bring her up to date on my always astounding dating history. So I told her. She asked about Webster, so I told her. I told her about Tuesday Guy. I told her about TallDark as well. Everything that I’ve written in here as well, so you all (all 3 of you) know as much as she does (and I do since I keep no secrets ~ well, ones that count anyway 😉 ).
This time around though, instead of busting out with one of her enlightened ‘pull your head out’ statements, she lays this one on me. ‘You only choose guys that are unavailable’. Huh? How do you figure? She uses Webster & TallDark as examples. Uhm, I didn’t know they were ‘unavailable’ until after I decided I liked them. She then told me I do it on an subconscious level. And I told her, nice as could be, that she was full of shit. I thought that was a very odd thing to say to me. I’m confused at this point. She goes further in telling me that I obviously don’t want to find someone. Erm ………… WTF?
All of that aside, as I appreciate hearing others’
fucked up viewpoints, she then crossed the line in how she opted to illustrate her point. “Look, you’re 43 and never been married. How could you date so many guys and not one of them be right?” To which I think I just stared at her, open-mouthed. Let’s back up a minute. I haven’t been looking for my ‘soul mate’ since the day I was born. I was into my late 20s before I even considered finding someone. Then I met the asshole and that sucked up 5 years. Then I opted to just date after that. Then I met my last ex, who I wasted was with for 2 years. Then I took a 3 year break from guys after that. It’s really only been since the beginning of last year that I’ve been ‘actively’ looking. It felt very odd for me to have try to justify myself. And it made me consider, for all of a millisecond, that she might be right.
Guess what? She’s not. I’m not a ring chaser by any stretch of the imagination but I absolutely do want to find someone. I don’t settle, I put a huge weight on chemistry (which I apparently don’t have with many guys) and the sheer exercise (not of the bike riding variety, dammit) of internet dating means I go out with way more guys that I ever would in ‘real life’. Do I only have chemistry with ‘unavailable’ guys lately? Yup, sure looks that way, but the chemistry is there before I realize they’re unavailable.
She kinda made me feel like a loser. She, who married her high-school boyfriend. I was kinda sorta expecting an inspirational ‘he’s out there, don’t give up’ pep talk from her. Boy was I wrong! No more dirty martinis for her! 😉