Nope, I’m talking about the required high school & college classes where you have to memorize that retarded periodic table of elements (or whatever the heck it’s called). Nor am I talking about that ever elusive whatever it is that makes you want to strip off all your clothes and hop in the sac with some not so random guy (’cause we all know that’s awesome and that I’d give my right arm for that about now – then again, how much fun would I be on a bike ride with only one arm? but I digress). I’m talking about the dating site Chemistry.com. I have ranked it just below E-Horrorme which still gives me nightmares and is right below JDate. So yes, in order of ‘wanting throw myself off the nearest tall building’ to only ‘wanting to shove a rusty fork in my eye’ it goes: JDate, E-Harm-me & Chemistry. Pretty much a good rule of thumb though when thinking of these 3 particular sites is that they all suck. 🙂
Remember when I was all excited to be signing back up for online dating back at the beginning of March? Yeah, I know, I must have been drunk. Someone suggested to try Chemistry as they thought it was ‘good’. I don’t know how horrible their world is by comparison, but Chemistry is not ‘good’. It’s shitty. Granted, I didn’t do any research on it on my own before joining because hey, that would just be way too responsible and take an additional 5 minutes out of my day. I guess when you’re grasping at online dating straws, all it takes is to hear one person say how great it is and I’m sold. Huh, won’t make that mistake again. Anywhoo, I had the intention of joining for a scant 3 months. That should have been plenty of time for me to meet a great guy and ride off into the sunset. Oh, sorry, did I just make anyone spit out their drink? Whatever. Well Mr. Salesman on the phone hit me with a stellar deal where 6 months would only cost like $20 more than 3 months. As I’m no dummy and figured I could absolutely make up for the price of the membership in free drinks garnered and everlasting happiness (*gag*), I enthusiastically agreed.
And I remained enthusiastic for almost a month. Then it occurred to me that I hated the site. It is structured much like E-Harm in that you can’t peruse the members yourself and choose who you like based on superficial pictures and witty profile essays. You have to wait for ‘matches’ to be sent to you. Boo. They also have these lame things called ‘ice breakers’ which are absolutely ridiculous. They are these random ‘games’ that you send to people under the ruse of striking up a conversation. Yeah, that never works. Who cares if I prefer tattoos over piercings? And what body parts are we talking about anyway? So they send you matches and you opt to either remove them from your
life list or to let them know you’re interested. If you choose to get rid of them, then they are gone. Unless they decide they like you and then you have to see their stupid faces again as nothing stops them from seeing all that you’re about and writing to you. Ick. Why would a site allow someone who you’ve already deemed icky to contact you? That’s not very nice to my vision the guys, now is it?
So I’ve been on there about 5 months now. I think I’ve ‘liked’ maybe 10 guys and never heard back from them. Big dummies. I’ve probably been contacted by a whopping 50 guys. Out of those 50, I only opted to meet 2. TWO! How the hell am I supposed to recoup my membership $$ with drinks from 2 lame dates? Who were they you might ask? One was the guy that I thought might be gay and that although we got along great in person (because I wasn’t attracted to him in the least therefore I was witty and charming and snarky and endearing), I could NEVER imagine wanting to kiss. Yup, that’s my measuring stick. No kissing thoughts, no 2nd date. Ever. The other guy was Mr. Conservative. You know, the one I went out with during my insane 6 dates in 5 days and then again about 2 months later when he opted to call again. Yeah, the one who went away for the 4th of July weekend by ‘heading west’ in his car. The one that I haven’t heard from since. Huh, maybe he read my blog and found out that I was all ‘meh’ about him. Whatever. The point is that 2 dates in 5 months is a ridiculously bad return on investment, so here’s my plan for this week. It involves and early b-day present to myself. I’m cancelling that stupid fucking membership as I find it highly annoying and rarely even log on anymore. More importantly, there are absolutely no bike riding potentials on there!
Learn from my mistakes people. I mean it. 😉