43 & Single – Heaven Help Me, I've Resorted To Internet Dating!

Ridiculous & Random Stories & Thoughts on My Experiences

Chemistry Sucks July 28, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 4:23 pm
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Nope, I’m talking about the required high school & college classes where you have to memorize that retarded periodic table of elements (or whatever the heck it’s called).  Nor am I talking about that ever elusive whatever it is that makes you want to strip off all your clothes and hop in the sac with some not so random guy (’cause we all know that’s awesome and that I’d give my right arm for that about now – then again, how much fun would I be on a bike ride with only one arm?  but I digress).  I’m talking about the dating site Chemistry.com.  I have ranked it just below E-Horrorme which still gives me nightmares and is right below JDate.  So yes, in order of ‘wanting throw myself off the nearest tall building’ to only ‘wanting to shove a rusty fork in my eye’ it goes: JDate, E-Harm-me & Chemistry.  Pretty much a good rule of thumb though when thinking of these 3 particular sites is that they all suck. 🙂

Remember when I was all excited to be signing back up for online dating back at the beginning of March?  Yeah, I know, I must have been drunk.  Someone suggested to try Chemistry as they thought it was ‘good’.  I don’t know how horrible their world is by comparison, but Chemistry is not ‘good’.  It’s shitty.  Granted, I didn’t do any research on it on my own before joining because hey, that would just be way too responsible and take an additional 5 minutes out of my day.  I guess when  you’re grasping at online dating straws, all it takes is to hear one person say how great it is and I’m sold.  Huh, won’t make that mistake again.  Anywhoo, I had the intention of joining for a scant 3 months.  That should have been plenty of time for me to meet a great guy and ride off into the sunset.  Oh, sorry, did I just make anyone spit out their drink?  Whatever.  Well Mr. Salesman on the phone hit me with a stellar deal where 6 months would only cost like $20 more than 3 months.  As I’m no dummy and figured I could absolutely make up for the price of the membership in free drinks garnered and everlasting happiness (*gag*), I enthusiastically agreed.

And I remained enthusiastic for almost a month.  Then it occurred to me that I hated the site.  It is structured much like E-Harm in that you can’t peruse the members yourself and choose who you like based on superficial pictures and witty profile essays.  You have to wait for ‘matches’ to be sent to you.  Boo.  They also have these lame things called ‘ice breakers’ which are absolutely ridiculous.  They are these random ‘games’ that you send to people under the ruse of striking up a conversation.  Yeah, that never works.  Who cares if I prefer tattoos over piercings?  And what body parts are we talking about anyway?  So they send you matches and you opt to either remove them from your life list or to let them know you’re interested.  If you choose to get rid of them, then they are gone.  Unless they decide they like you and then you have to see their stupid faces again as nothing stops them from seeing all that you’re about and writing to you.  Ick.  Why would a site allow someone who you’ve already deemed icky to contact you?  That’s not very nice to my vision the guys, now is it?

So I’ve been on there about 5 months now.  I think I’ve ‘liked’ maybe 10 guys and never heard back from them.  Big dummies.  I’ve probably been contacted by a whopping 50 guys.  Out of those 50, I only opted to meet 2.  TWO!  How the hell am I supposed to recoup my membership $$ with drinks from 2 lame dates?  Who were they you might ask?  One was the guy that I thought might be gay and that although we got along great in person (because I wasn’t attracted to him in the least therefore I was witty and charming and snarky and endearing), I could NEVER imagine wanting to kiss.  Yup, that’s my measuring stick.  No kissing thoughts, no 2nd date.  Ever.  The other guy was Mr. Conservative.  You know, the one I went out with during my insane 6 dates in 5 days and then again about 2 months later when he opted to call again.  Yeah, the one who went away for the 4th of July weekend by ‘heading west’ in his car.  The one that I haven’t heard from since.  Huh, maybe he read my blog and found out that I was all ‘meh’ about him.  Whatever.  The point is that 2 dates in 5 months is a ridiculously bad return on investment, so here’s my plan for this week.  It involves and early b-day present to myself.  I’m cancelling that stupid fucking membership as I find it highly annoying and rarely even log on anymore.  More importantly, there are absolutely no bike riding potentials on there!

Learn from my mistakes people.  I mean it. 😉

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9 Responses to “Chemistry Sucks”

  1. jgavinallan Says:

    GG:
    I understand about the bike riding now…wow…you are running interference for all the other women suffering through this internet stuff..
    Be strong…you are tough enough to end up on top
    Jaye

  2. Surrey gal Says:

    I do think that certain sites have a certain type of people. Not that I’m experienced on many sites, but it’s my impression.
    As for “no thoughts of kissing no second date” – maybe I should adopt that too. I would have no second dates whatsoever!!!
    Or actually I started fancying the rude guy few dates after our first and only date… I’m wired like this.

    • I’m not one to think that ‘attraction builds’ over time if you’re not even remotely attracted to begin with. It’s either there for me or not.

      You’re right that different sites attract different guys (and sadly i’m well versed on most of them) 😉

  3. Online Dating Circus Expert Says:

    I SOOOO agree with you! But your post also made me just realize something. I paid $60 for a 3 month on match and the one guy who asked me out on that site so far that I would actually go out with – I just cancelled the date! Seriously – I should have just thrown a twenty in the toilet.

    Side note: On chemistry.com – I was matched up with a guy I know! And in real life, he is the biggest weirdo ever and on the site, even weirder! He was mostly nude in the photo and talked about finding an open-minded woman as he also likes to fool around with men and do crazy kinky things. Ummm…WHO is the genius at chemistry that thought this loser would be a good match for me? Geez!

    • creepy! yuck. Well, in the end when you do your cost/benefit analysis, remember that it only takes one ODC. As I seem to be going to quantity over quality (not really, that’s just how it’s turning out), I’ll make up for the cost on somewhere else 😉

  4. Lisa Says:

    Found your site after having a why am i doing this chem.com sucks, moment. Hilarious, OMG everything here I experienced years ago on match.com, and now asking myself what the hell was i thinking doing this again. Great writing, keep it coming!

    I was doing the audio version Helen Fishers’s book that leads you right into making a profile if you take the quiz. I thought OK let’s give this a more scientific chance. But oy vey, might as well be at match 6 years ago except WTF you can’t search yourself for “Mr right”. would seem even six years after swearing these things off they haven’t changed a bit and in fact are worse.

    I love the “OK Stupid” tag — that appears to have gone the way of a hook up thing with the most invasive questionnaire I’ve ever seen — the questionnaire is post worhty in and of itself.

    Good luck to us all… maybe some woman will step up do this right — surely there are better ways to do find a date that don’t involve spending precious time wading through matches who you have not one thing in common with and never will. It’s like dude if you saw me on the street you’d say ‘na not my kind do you really think it’s going to be any different online.

    I see some of the same guys I saw 6 years ago with the same photos — spooky

    • Internet dating certainly does provide an often-times, er, challenging way to meet a good guy. Think of all the great stories you have to share with your friends though! I hear you on the picture thing too ….. amazing that people (women too) don’t update their photos! I met a guy for lunch yesterday that looked like the FATHER of the guy in the photographs! Good luck to you. Always remember that there is someone out there for everyone! Some of our ‘ones’ are just harder to find 😦

  5. Christy Says:

    All this online dating is a disappointment to those really looking for a normal person just to “go out with”. I have guys text and email and the last guy was so talkative and so interested in me it seemed, calling me on his way home frm work and then calling me asking me out for this Saturday, so I said ok I’ll call u in the afternoon so we can meet up. He answers and says Oh can I call you back I just woke up. So I waited a good four hours and then he never answered his phone, I was upset cause I thought I found someone atleast pleasureable to talk to, so I went to cancel my subscript’s to Chemistry and Match and what did I find..he was online ! Not suprising but very disheartening. Why all the calls and asking to go out and then bounce on a women. What do they want a notch on their un-sexed beds. You knnow they ain’t gettn any and if they had played their cards right maybe they would hv gotten some. What is the purpose of going online and then doing this to someone ? You know who you are assholes!


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