43 & Single – Heaven Help Me, I've Resorted To Internet Dating!

Ridiculous & Random Stories & Thoughts on My Experiences

Healthy Liver = Cranky Me July 30, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 2:00 pm
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So I’ve opted to dry out.  Don’t panic as it’s only temporarily of course.  As part of my last ditch effort to be the best me I can be (physically) before that inevitable day hits where I have to decide whether to change the title of my blog from ’43 and single’ to ’44 and single’, I’ve discontinued my constant vodka drip.  Damn I sound old.  I don’t feel old.  Well, most days anyway. I don’t look old.  Sure, I have a few wrinkles at the sides of my eyes but I LOVE those!  They’re laugh lines.  Those are good ones.  Anyway, I am on a very strict 3 week diet which entails no cocktails.  Crap.  I can deal with the ridiculously strict and boring food regimine, but no drinking?  At all?  How am I supposed to date sober for shit’s sake?  Webster was my only forray into sober dating and while it seemed to work out well for him, we all know how that ended, so I blame it on the lack of cocktails. 😉 Okay, not really but it sounded good in a really screwed up kinda way.

In my quest to not have my liver fall out onto the sidewalk, I am on the wagon.  Yey.  Not.  I should start a ‘ticker’ that tracks the days, hours & seconds since my last cocktail.  For the record that would have been on Sunday at 6pm.  I won’t even tell you that it was a vodka and grape powerade zero as that just makes me sound like a loser.  Oh wait………. So yup, ‘Hi, I’m (insert shitty nickname here) and I’m 5.5 days sober’.  Boo.  Honestly though, what am I supposed to do on dates?  I can’t eat, I can’t drink and I can’t think of what else in the world there is to do on a first date (minds out of the gutter people, I’m not that desperate for a bike ride).  These guys are not going to stand no chance in hell if I have to go into them stone cold sober. I almost feel bad for them.  Almost……..

Is being healthy and looking friggin’ awesome on my birthday (not that I normally don’t 😉 ) really worth it?  Oh hell, if I can’t be well-behaved for 3 weeks, I guess I have bigger problems than wanting to fit into a really tight dress.  Anyway, want to know what the theme of things are today?  I’m hungry.  I’m sober.  I’m not happy. Crap.

Here’s another thing.  We all know that I’m a food whore.  We are well aware that I am a cocktail whore.  Take those both away and what am I left with?  Just being your average run of the mill whore.  Yikes!  I need a drink ………


10 Responses to “Healthy Liver = Cranky Me”

  1. Serena Says:

    LMAO! 🙂 I was feeling so sorry for you, but when I got to the last sentence of your post I just started laughing. Poor thing! On the other hand, maybe that will bring in some new ‘crazies’ from OkStupid….haha! Get your wonderfully sarcastic sense of humor ready to go. 😉

    In all seriousness, what you are doing for your health is a great thing, and I think you will be just fine. I love food too….but nothing tempts me like donuts. Thankfully they don’t do a thing to my weight (maybe that’s why I love them so much, lol) so I guess I am a ‘donut whore’. Now THAT sounds awful….

  2. haha, donut whore. 🙂 Oy, like I need new ‘crazies’ from OkStupid or Match. I’m about due for some normal guys. Oh sorry, I mean ‘available’ normal guys 😉

    I know i’ll live thru this 3 weeks, but damn if every single food I see (even if it’s gross) doesn’t look delicious! Oh, and thanks, btw ’cause now I want a donut.

  3. everevie Says:

    Maybe you should go on a “date diet” too for the next 3 weeks. That would solve the problem of what to do on dates. 🙂

    Let’s see…it’s been less than 24 hours since my last drink and I’m already feeling cranky. Lol. I can’t imagine a month fast. I should do it though…my liver would thank me.

  4. Surrey gal Says:

    Don’t you know that food eaten when nobody sees doesn’t count? I think the same may apply to drinks.

  5. jgavinallan Says:

    I agree with Serena…you are too tough to feel sorry for. The world should watch out for you…

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