43 & Single – Heaven Help Me, I've Resorted To Internet Dating!

Ridiculous & Random Stories & Thoughts on My Experiences

How Quickly They Change July 30, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 12:15 am
Tags: , , ,

So there’s one guy that currently wants to meet me. (big dummy)  The uber sarcastic 6’5″ ‘slender’ homeopathic practitioner. Yeah, that just sounds like a bad combination to begin with. I’m guessing I shouldn’t announce my love of pharmaceuticals to him. 😉 He text messaged the crap out of me two nights ago but it was weird. His initial texts were hysterical and really friggin’ long. Then towards the middle they got really short and curt. Then they got funny and long again. I swear, the 1st thing that came to my mind was that he was stoned. Do homeopathic guys do that? I don’t know. And while I am a HUGE proponent of all things alcohol related, I am not down with anything having to do with getting stoned. C’mon people, aside from making you hungry and stupid, what’s the point? Oh, I guess that’s what alcohol does too. Oh well, I guess I’m allowed my double standards. Anyway, he keeps suggesting meeting either at a bar with live music that’s pretty friggin’ far away from me or at a b-b-q joint very close to me. Quite the dilemma. The bar kinda sounds like there would be no quick escape and the b-b-q option will present me with not usually present food issues. Ugh.

As I’m contemplating my date options, he decided to start a new text message volley with me again last night.  Innocuous enough and quite funny.  Then he starts slipping in repeated double entendres and disgusting innuendoes.  Uh gross.  You know how much of a fan of re-posting text and e-mail conversations I am, but I don’t want to blind anyone or make you feel like you need to run and bleach your eyes.  Of course instead of just not responding, I let him know that I was none too happy with the direction he was attempting to turn the ‘conversation’ and that it was grossing me out and what does he do?  Like the retardedly oblivious man he obviously is, he entirely ignores my concerns, doesn’t bother apologizing, but instead sends back a message asking about my business like that’s what he’d been talking about all along.

Well far be it from me to leave well enough alone, I keep sending back 4 word responses. 😉 ‘Cause I’m a bitch.  And it entertains me.  He then proceeds to tell me how he’s getting certified to be a ‘life coach’ (*gag*) and then throws out there the dreaded Anthony Robbins reference.  I HATE Tony Robbins.  And pretty much life coaches in general.  I am of the mindset that people should be able to figure out their own shit.  But that’s just me.  Of course I wouldn’t tell him this.  Oh wait, yes I did.  And he kept texting me!!  Uh hello douchebag?  I think he finally got the (not so subtle) hint that I had lost interest.  6’5″ or not, the shit he wrote certainly isn’t worth being able to wear heels and not tower over my date.

Uh, there will be no further dilemma regarding b-b-q or bar.  I am opting out of this one.  I’m no prude by any stretch of the imagination, but c’mon idiot, we’ve not even met yet and what the hell makes you think I’d be down with playing along with your gross suggestions?  Fucking tool.  I think I need a shower.

* edited to add that I just got a message through OkStupid from him.  Wanting my phone number so we could ‘advance our relationship’ to the phone.  Not gonna happen.  I can only imagine what direction an actual verbal (and you know he’d refer to it as ‘oral’) conversation would go.  Damn, now I need another shower …….


9 Responses to “How Quickly They Change”

  1. everevie Says:

    I’m disappointed you didn’t write the texts here! I mean…so gross.

    Yeah he did sound kinda stoned. The plus side to being stoned over drunk…is that there are NO calories in pot! Yay!

    I mean…not that I would know anything about that. I’m just sayin.

  2. ha ha! How sad is it that I can soooo relate to those icky conversations! Without a doubt you made the right decision.

    • Isn’t it ridiculous that a guy would think that’s okay and better yet, a turn on? yeah, i forwarded his texts to a couple of friends and they were grossed out too. I’ll leave you with the horrid visual created by two of his grossest references (don’t say I didn’t warn you) ~ even out of context they’re just wrong:

      1) Squirt (and i don’t think he was talking about the soda)
      2) Increasing stimulation by readjusting contact points


  3. Online Dating Circus Expert Says:

    Ewwwww! Squirt???? Yuck! hahaha

    What a tool indeed. And I am with you: Tony Robbins followers scare me.

  4. I think we’re old enough to decide for ourselves. And personally, I want to see those texts 😉

    I’m just wondering. Agree on the whole “physical/sexual comments that early on are a no-go”. But how quickly may it get to direct flirting? I mean in your humble opinion 🙂

  5. […] to any of them either.  I certainly didn’t respond to the oddly hairy guy.  Of the creepy tall guy!  Damn, my options seem a bit bottom of the barrel these days: old, hairy or pervy.  Nice […]

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