So I get home from lunch today to find an inbox full of charming (and by charming I mean not so charming) messages from random
idiots bachelors online. Ugh. It gets a bit old having guys over the ‘age cap’, guys under the ‘age cap’ and just ridiculous guys contacting me. I thought Neanderthal man this morning would sort of grant me a pass from any further tools today, but I guess the universe has other ideas regarding testing my patience as I found this waiting for me:
how is your day going
what kind of puppies do you have
do you like big dogs
Okay, as much as I appreciate the empty compliment in being called cuti (have I really been spelling it wrong all these years?) the lack of punctuation or anything of interest to me made me not excited about him. And even less so when I opted to click on his profile (big mistake) and found a blathering novel that I dozed off while only 1/4 of the way through reading. However, it did start like this:
I am poly amorous, not interested in marriage, having children, etc. I am highly educated (science, religion, economics, health and business), yet humble, professional workaholic looking to reform to a funaholic, adrenaline junky. I think that life is too short to be wasted, therefore I am in the process of refocusing my spirit on living in the moment, as there is nothing else and the only way one can really enjoy life is by living in the moment. I am looking for friends of spirit/power/vision/passion, that want to enjoy all that is in the moment and do bucket list activities and or just enjoy some hiking, adult beverages (tequilla shots), conversation, good music, dance (not saying I am good), love, sex (favorite is TPE – me dom and you not submissive, raw and anal), those who love to laugh, with great energy and love of all that is good.
Sounds like a winner, doesn’t he? Oh, and yeah, he’s not cute in the least! And lives 2 hours away. And is 27. So glad he found me!
As an added bonus, creepy/pervy 6’5″ guy keeps e-mailing and texting me. Uh, I haven’t responded in two days. His latest message to me was an invitation to see where he works. Yeah right. As I’m pretty sure it’s just an empty room lined with freezers and chain saws, I’m thinking not. Trying to be an adult (not easy for me all the time), I decided to just be up front with him since he seems to live in some sort of delusional world, so I sent him this:
Hi Creepy Tall Guy,
Sorry to be MIA, but some of the things that you wrote on Saturday really didn’t sit well with me. They weren’t flirty, they were offensive (and kinda gross). Although I enjoyed our initial communications, I am going to opt out of actually meeting.
I hope you find who you’re looking for. Best of luck.
Now, while I am hoping he just reads it and leaves me alone, I don’t think I’ll be so lucky. I am currently awaiting a horribly offensive response from him. Okay fine, my message wasn’t as nice as it could be but it certainly wasn’t anywhere near as shitty as it could have been either.
Who else did I have messages from today? a 64 year old man, a 24 year old boy, some guy in North Carolina (I think this is like the 3rd guy from North Carolina to message me – maybe that’s where I need to move), 2 guys under the height of 5’9″, and one guy that while cute has a profile that reads somewhat like something you might find in a swingers mag. Who’s a lucky girl?