43 & Single – Heaven Help Me, I've Resorted To Internet Dating!

Ridiculous & Random Stories & Thoughts on My Experiences

Some Days Are Just Easier Than Others August 1, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 3:35 pm
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So I get home from lunch today to find an inbox full of charming (and by charming I mean not so charming) messages from random idiots bachelors online.  Ugh.  It gets a bit old having guys over the ‘age cap’, guys under the ‘age cap’ and just ridiculous guys contacting me.  I thought Neanderthal man this morning would sort of grant me a pass from any further tools today, but I guess the universe has other ideas regarding testing my patience as I found this waiting for me:

hey cuti
how is your day going
what kind of puppies do you have
do you like big dogs
xoxo douchebag

Okay, as much as I appreciate the empty compliment in being called cuti (have I really been spelling it wrong all these years?) the lack of punctuation or anything of interest to me made me not excited about him.  And even less so when I opted to click on his profile (big mistake) and found a blathering novel that I dozed off while only 1/4 of the way through reading.  However, it did start like this:

I am poly amorous, not interested in marriage, having children, etc. I am highly educated (science, religion, economics, health and business), yet humble, professional workaholic looking to reform to a funaholic, adrenaline junky. I think that life is too short to be wasted, therefore I am in the process of refocusing my spirit on living in the moment, as there is nothing else and the only way one can really enjoy life is by living in the moment. I am looking for friends of spirit/power/vision/passion, that want to enjoy all that is in the moment and do bucket list activities and or just enjoy some hiking, adult beverages (tequilla shots), conversation, good music, dance (not saying I am good), love, sex (favorite is TPE – me dom and you not submissive, raw and anal), those who love to laugh, with great energy and love of all that is good.

Sounds like a winner, doesn’t he?  Oh, and yeah, he’s not cute in the least!  And lives 2 hours away.  And is 27.  So glad he found me!


As an added bonus, creepy/pervy 6’5″ guy keeps e-mailing and texting me.  Uh, I haven’t responded in two days.  His latest message to me was an invitation to see where he works.  Yeah right.  As I’m pretty sure it’s just an empty room lined with freezers and chain saws, I’m thinking not.  Trying to be an adult (not easy for me all the time), I decided to just be up front with him since he seems to live in some sort of delusional world, so I sent him this:

Hi Creepy Tall Guy,

Sorry to be MIA, but some of the things that you wrote on Saturday really  didn’t sit well with me.  They weren’t flirty, they were offensive (and kinda gross).  Although I enjoyed our initial communications, I am going to opt out of actually meeting.

I hope you find who you’re looking for.  Best of luck.

~ Me

Now, while I am hoping he just reads it and leaves me alone, I don’t think I’ll be so lucky.  I am currently awaiting a horribly offensive response from him.  Okay fine, my message wasn’t as nice as it could be but it certainly wasn’t anywhere near as shitty as it could have been either.


Who else did I have messages from today?  a 64 year old man, a 24 year old boy, some guy in North Carolina (I think this is like the 3rd guy from North Carolina to message me – maybe that’s where I need to move), 2 guys under the height of 5’9″, and one guy that while cute has a profile that reads somewhat like something you might find in a swingers mag.  Who’s a lucky girl?


10 Responses to “Some Days Are Just Easier Than Others”

  1. jgavinallan Says:

    an empty room lined with freezers and chain saws…
    This is poetry
    Good Luck…and I once used the term puppies in one of my stories…he’s not original

  2. I don’t know what it is with guys and online dating, but a majority of them seem to disregard age ranges, religion, etc. Tall, creepy guy could have been worse…he could have told you to put the lotion in the basket.

  3. stevesw Says:

    “me dom and you not submissive,” did I miss something here? Who’s on top? ‘dom’ normally refers to a dominant female controlling a submissive male or female. Oh, maybe he meant ‘me dumb and you not submissive.’

  4. Heather Says:

    Ugh! Yep, I think you’re in for a nasty response from Creepy Tall Guy.

    And I hate when guys who I don’t want to respond to actually ask me a question I know I could answer. Like the dog thing. While I’m at it – how to you respond to guys who send you a really good message, appear to have a lot in common with you but are incredibly unattractive. I have tried the “Sorry, our lifestyles just don’t mesh” when obviously they could and had guys respond and call me out. You can’t just say “you’re not my type!”, can you?

    • That’s such a tough one for me ODC. If they seem really nice and write a great message, I don’t feel right just ignoring them. I will usually write back thanking them for their terrific message but that I don’t think we’d be a good match and then I wish them luck in their search. Since I’m never specific as to why we wouldn’t be a good match (because, after all, saying ‘i think you’re ugly’ is just rude ;-)), they don’t have anything to argue with.

  5. Surrey gal Says:

    I think your response was in no way rude or not polite, it was very polite in my opinion!
    What is MIA?

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