So unbelievably enough, Paul actually showed up for lunch yesterday. He text messaged me around 10 to reconfirm and I almost passed out. Good Boy! So we meet at the restaurant and me being the bitch that I am has to say ‘I was taking bets on whether or not you’d show this time’. Well I seem to forget some people are actually sensitive and don’t really ‘get’ sarcasm, so I was met with a blank stare a pouty look and absolute silence. Uh, awkward. We sit down and kinda stare at each other. Huh, still awkward. Not used to this. Even on my worst dates I do whatever possibly to avoid awkward silences (unless I don’t like the guy at all and then I just let them linger on while I make ‘to do’ lists for myself in my head while enjoying the peace and quiet ;-)). So strange as we don’t usually have extended silences. He talks about himself, I make fun of him, you know, the usual. I don’t remember who broke the silence but thank god! We chat about nothing as usual and of course it inevitably turns back to internet dating. Paul has probably gone on as many dates as I have. Well guess what? He’s in love. Bleck. Not sure why I can’t be one of those people who are happy for others when they find love, but I’m not. I’m just bitter and I swear to god the 1st thing that crossed my mind, because I’m a craptastic person, was ‘how the hell did he find love before I did?’. Followed shortly by ‘why him and not me’? Yup, I’m all about me.
Paul and I went out a whopping 3 times last year. I thought I liked him at the time. I can look back now and realize that we would never have been a good couple. I’m loud and obnoxiously sarcastic and he’s pretty quiet and literal. Bad combination. So before anyone tells me that I’m sad/upset/whatever because I was holding out any sort of hope for ‘us’, let me tell you right now that you’re wrong with a capital W. I really do like Paul, he’s tall and cute and kinda has his shit together. Kinda. We get along great. Once every couple of months. 😉 If we had to see each other/talk every day, that would be a whole other story.
Anyway, he told me all about his girlfriend without smiling once. As if he were filling me in on the morning’s stock report. I asked him if he could possibly manage to display a bit of enthusiasm when talking about her and then he did. Personally, I think they sound like a big mismatch, but you can’t pick who you fall in love with, right? And who am I to say, obviously I don’t know what works as illustrated by my last 837 blog posts.
So here’s what. Congratulations Paul. I hope you and she are very happy together for a very long time to come. While I am happy for you, I still can’t help but wonder what the hell I must be doing wrong for you to have succeeded when I seem to still be spinning my wheels. All this time I thought you were the screwed up one ………… huh. Oh, and as for your parting words of being ‘determined to find my blog’ and being ‘great at tracking things down’, being as I asked you not to, I certainly hope you respected my wishes. ‘Cause although I can be happy for you in your new relationship (kinda), disrespecting my privacy is an entirely different thing (and you’re probably not going to be thrilled with all the shit I’ve written about you in here). Just sayin’ …………..
(and yes, I get the double standard here that although I think I have the right to blog about whomever I want, I don’t want anyone that I actually know reading it)