43 & Single – Heaven Help Me, I've Resorted To Internet Dating!

Ridiculous & Random Stories & Thoughts on My Experiences

And That’s That August 3, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 9:25 am
Tags: , , , , ,

I am beginning to think that e-mail and not Facebook is the root of all evil.  Out of the blue this morning, I received an e-mail from Webster.  Funny, I smiled when I saw it was from him and then I just sort of sat there and stared at it for the longest time without opening it.  I didn’t really want to read it.  I was afraid to see what it would say.  Was he sorry?  Did he miss me?  Did he want to see me?  Has he moved on?  Was he just checking in?  As I’m still trying to wrap my head around it, read for yourselves:

Hi,

I hope you are doing well.  Is this heat and humidity combo roasting you?

I have been meaning to write you for some time.  I have been a
complete flake as far as personal communications have gone between you
and I.  As I did not fall off the face of the planet, I have fallen
out of grace and the practice of integrity with you.   I still have
all of my personal challenges to contend with in any relationship and
have been wondering what will be come of those challenges.  I owe you
the courtesy of letting you off the hook as far as any romantic
failure aspects for you and I.  I was not ready and did not know what
I really wanted.  For that, I am sorry.

I hope you can find it to forgive me for the uncertainty and general
flakiness I displayed of late.  I am more aware now and working on the
flaws as best as I can.

For clarity’s sake, I have become involved with someone I have known
for some time now.  It just sort of happened as matter of mutual
attraction, familiarity and celestial alignment over the past few
weeks.

So I just wanted to let you know what had happened and let you know
that it is not because of  you but me that moved me to where I am now.

Be Well,

Uhm, okay.  A few things here:  he said he wasn’t ready for a relationship but absolutely said he still wanted to see me (then flaked – whatever).  Why wait so long to tell me?  Why tell me he was involved with someone else at all?  I’m quite certain that ‘she’ overlapped me and regardless of what he said and wrote (I”m certain done solely to make himself feel better), the gist of it is this:  It’s not that he wasn’t ready for a relationship, he just didn’t want one with ME.  However you spin it or sugar coat it, it’s a pretty tough pill to swallow and I’m not quite sure what I’m feeling about it.  I’m sad, I’m embarrassed, I’m hurt and I’m feeling pretty damn stupid for thinking anything was actually ‘there’ on his part.  Sort of shitty to actually read that everything was so one sided.  No clue if I’ll respond or what I’d even say.  As much as wished I could be pissed at him, I’m just not ………. I can’t help but wonder ‘why her and not me?’ 😦

I’m going back to bed.  And never opening e-mails again. 😉

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13 Responses to “And That’s That”

  1. Surrey gal Says:

    Ouuuch ;( When I was reading it I was feeling my heart pounding, this is one of those emails that you don’t know whether to expect the best or the worst… I’m so sorry for you… but at least he came clean and you – hopefully – can get some kind of a closure…

  2. everevie Says:

    Well shit…that sucks…seeing as how I just sent you an email!

    Anyhow…my email said everything I needed to say except this: You have nothing to be embarassed about. You didn’t do anything other than be caring and thoughtful towards him.

    He should be embarassed. Not you.

    And I understand why you aren’t angry with him…but I hope YOU understand why I am.

  3. He is weird GGD.What’s up with him telling you about the other girl? Why does he think you would care to know that? He goes on and on about his relationship flaws.. and now he’s in one? And what is up with “celestial alignment”? He’s a wacko, good riddance.

    And you weren’t crazy – he was in your house, kissing you just as much as you were kissing him. He’s just like most guys – out playing the field and waiting for something to stick.. apparently he found his stick with little miss ‘celestial alignment’.

  4. Matthew Says:

    His e-mail is somewhat befuddling as he writes about the flaws he needs to work on and resolve in regards to relationships and personal “demons” (if you will). I mean:

    “I still have all of my personal challenges to contend with in any relationship and
    have been wondering what will be come of those challenges.”

    Then later he turns to tell you about someone (whom he already knows) that he is currently in a romantic relationship with. I get why he told you. He’s justified that it’s the right thing to do in this given situation. He’d feel guilt if he told you he wasn’t ready for a relationship and then was secretly having one because he was then maybe thinking you’d continue carrying this torch for him and continue to try and ‘win him’ or wait for him to work out his issues.

    Now, he’s given you the out.

    Don’t know why he said both in the e-mail though. They cancel each other out and basically send the message that he really doesn’t know what he wants and how to deal with things.

    I feel sorry for you having to be put through that. I feel sorry for this other girl as she may (or may not) know what she’s in right now. But if he still has things to work out…it’s going to weigh her down too.

    And I’m glad I sent you that e-mail earlier, before your ban. 😉

  5. jgavinallan Says:

    I agree with Surrey gal…but I know it must hurt…coming clean is a rwo-edged sword
    Jaye

  6. Fun Philly Says:

    Here’s what to make of it. He was a greedy, selfish asshole. I agree he probably was dating you both at the same time. I don’t however, think that he “chose her over you”. I think he met her first and their “relationship” was further along than you two had gotten. I think he was unsure where his relationship with this other woman was going and continued to date. When it finally showed promise of going some where he went “radio silent” on you to be sure she was what he wanted (for now). Once he got whatever confirmation he was looking for he sent you that douchebaggy letter. I agree he did it to relieve his guilt and not to make you feel better because anyone with an ounce of decency would know that the email would only make you feel shitty.

    If he wanted to make sure you weren’t “carrying a torch for him”, the gentlemen thing to do would have been to call you or ask you out for drinks 😉 and tell you it wasn’t working out (if he had any tact or balls). He likes you but he doesn’t see it going anywhere. He didn’t have to mention his “demons” or “the other woman”. He’s an asshole and better you know it now, rather than after you have invested anymore time in him than you already have. Let me know if you want me to drunk dial him, since I have so much built up frustration, I promise to make him cry.

    Hope you feel better.

  7. JaneDoePhx Says:

    We are literaly living parallel lives. I have been reading you for the last couple of months. I too get the daily emails from illiterates, foot fetishists, old guys, young guys, and pervs. I am 42 and reasonably sane and cute. My one decent guy just Pulled a “webster” on me…leaving me with the Same doubt and sadness you wrote about here. Hang in there funny girl, because there IS someone for everyone….your turn is coming. Keep writing because you are so funny and dead on, balls accurate….its like you are speaking my thoughts as I wade through the Swamp of Douchebaggery we call Dating Over Forty!

  8. Poor Grey. Getting the closure you’ve needed is dwarfed by the bad news and the manner of delivery. I’m so sorry he didn’t reciprocate the feelings and make it work with you. I really don’t know what else to say; others have already covered so much.

  9. stevesw Says:

    Hated to read your post…feel for you GGD. I would not take this as a mark against you, and I totally disagree with “It’s not that he wasn’t ready for a relationship, he just didn’t want one with ME.” He was not looking for a mutual relationship with a new woman; one that would take commitment on his part (which he exhibited by his on again/off again communication style). Nope, he found what he was seeking; key word is ‘familiarity.’ She is known to his Ex; either a mutual friend, Acquaintance, ex-spouse of her friend, etc. He wanted a woman’s shoulder to cry on and someone he can use to get back at the woman who left him. Sure he may have good points that you reacted to, but there are two sides to every story, and his email makes me disbelieve anything he said to you concerning how things played out to make him ‘single.’ I am sure he liked you and under normal cercomstances he would still be seeing you; but he has a mission: mend his broaken heart and set things right.

  10. I am sorry Goose. I know you liked him. This must be hard. Take a deep breath and look up….waayyy up at all the people that left you messages of support. Take comfort that so many of us are cheering for you and are supporting you.

  11. What an ass. I’m sorry that you’re going through this right now. I wish that I had words of wisdom but all I can do is offer my support.

  12. Online Dating Circus Expert Says:

    Sorry to jump on so late here – been a busy week and just catching up. Geesh! What an awesome email to read. I am sorry you had to read those words. It’s one of those “Why did you bother even sending that?” I hope at some point you will be able to take away what you “didn’t want” from him and put it towards attracting the person who is emotionally ready and stable and ready for a committed relationship with YOU!

    I agree with Steve. This had nothing to do with you. I believe he did feel for you or else he wouldn’t feel the need to write to you. I also feel that this new relationship he is in sounds to be easy. As none of us know, we can only suspect, and based on what you have told me and my personal life experiences, I am willing to bet that this new woman does not challenge him in anyway. With her, he is safe to be closed. He sounds like he has a lot of fear in his world. Again, I could be off my rocker here – but, from what I have learned about you, you strike me as a passionate woman who us not afraid to feel. He strikes me as the reverse. You deserve someone who will inspire you to be even more passionate than you already are – and not take away from you. So there!

  13. […] we all know that Webster sent me that amazingly awesome kiss off letter.  A month after the fact.  In which he stated that he still wasn’t ready for a […]


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