I am beginning to think that e-mail and not Facebook is the root of all evil. Out of the blue this morning, I received an e-mail from Webster. Funny, I smiled when I saw it was from him and then I just sort of sat there and stared at it for the longest time without opening it. I didn’t really want to read it. I was afraid to see what it would say. Was he sorry? Did he miss me? Did he want to see me? Has he moved on? Was he just checking in? As I’m still trying to wrap my head around it, read for yourselves:
I hope you are doing well. Is this heat and humidity combo roasting you?
I have been meaning to write you for some time. I have been a
complete flake as far as personal communications have gone between you
and I. As I did not fall off the face of the planet, I have fallen
out of grace and the practice of integrity with you. I still have
all of my personal challenges to contend with in any relationship and
have been wondering what will be come of those challenges. I owe you
the courtesy of letting you off the hook as far as any romantic
failure aspects for you and I. I was not ready and did not know what
I really wanted. For that, I am sorry.
I hope you can find it to forgive me for the uncertainty and general
flakiness I displayed of late. I am more aware now and working on the
flaws as best as I can.
For clarity’s sake, I have become involved with someone I have known
for some time now. It just sort of happened as matter of mutual
attraction, familiarity and celestial alignment over the past few
So I just wanted to let you know what had happened and let you know
that it is not because of you but me that moved me to where I am now.
Uhm, okay. A few things here: he said he wasn’t ready for a relationship but absolutely said he still wanted to see me (then flaked – whatever). Why wait so long to tell me? Why tell me he was involved with someone else at all? I’m quite certain that ‘she’ overlapped me and regardless of what he said and wrote (I”m certain done solely to make himself feel better), the gist of it is this: It’s not that he wasn’t ready for a relationship, he just didn’t want one with ME. However you spin it or sugar coat it, it’s a pretty tough pill to swallow and I’m not quite sure what I’m feeling about it. I’m sad, I’m embarrassed, I’m hurt and I’m feeling pretty damn stupid for thinking anything was actually ‘there’ on his part. Sort of shitty to actually read that everything was so one sided. No clue if I’ll respond or what I’d even say. As much as wished I could be pissed at him, I’m just not ………. I can’t help but wonder ‘why her and not me?’ 😦
I’m going back to bed. And never opening e-mails again. 😉