43 & Single – Heaven Help Me, I've Resorted To Internet Dating!

Ridiculous & Random Stories & Thoughts on My Experiences

I May As Well Finish It August 4, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 12:19 am
Tags: , , , ,

First of all, I want to thank everyone for their very kind messages to me regarding my last post, I just wasn’t quite up to responding to them.  Yesterday was a bit of a shit day.  I couldn’t (and still can’t) believe that after an entire month of ‘radio silence’ on his part, when I was finally coming to terms with things, he felt the need to absolve himself of any guilt (ha).  Sure, I hadn’t completely given up hope that I would hear from him at some point down the road, but c’mon, after not hearing from him for so long I kinda had it figured out.  Duh.  For him to bring it all crashing back to me and basically just add insult to injury, really sucked.  The fact the he did it solely to make himself feel better and in his usual incoherent and circular manner sucked even worse.  No wait, the fact that he had to point out, in the same breath that he wasn’t/isn’t ready/able for a relationship AND that he’s been seeing someone may have been my favorite.  And by favorite, I mean kinda like being kicked in gut.

As we all know that I am absolutely incapable of letting well enough alone or just ignoring things, you had to expect that I would respond.  So I did what any (in)sane woman would do.  I reread the message no less than 20 times, worked on a reply for the better part of 2 hours, sent it off to 2 friends to ‘approve’, ignored their advice, and sent it anyway.  I tried to find the proper balance of guilt trip mixed with shittiness mixed with flabbergastedness.  I did my best to minimize the ‘I’m a stupid, needy loser’ aspect of it, but I fear that that got included as well.  Just so I can look back on this one day and realize what an idiot I was, and you all can as well (as if you already don’t), here was my response:

Hi Fuckhead, Asshole, Selfish Dumbass Webster,

If I’m being honest, I can’t really say ‘thanks for the e-mail’ as I sort of wish you hadn’t sent it.  Or had sent it sooner.  Or hadn’t have led me on to begin with.  It seems as if you sent it to make yourself feel better without much regard for my feelings.  You spent much of the message (and the last parts of our communication) explaining how you didn’t know what you wanted, that you weren’t ready for a relationship, whatever and then end by telling me that you’re seeing someone and have been for a while.  Pretty much what it comes down to is this:  It’s not that you didn’t want a relationship or weren’t ready, it’s that you just didn’t want one with me.  I get it.  It’s just a pretty big slap in the face to actually read it and I’m not quite sure why you felt the need to tell me about it.

Pretty sure I made it clear to you that i’m not usually very open with my feelings and rarely allow others ‘in’ as I’m a bit terrified of having that used against me and ending up hurt.  I did let my guard down with you.  I did think we had great chemistry together and to find out it was pretty much one sided is a pretty tough pill to swallow.  Granted, I didn’t deal with your flakiness well at the time, but I am having a hard time wrapping my head around why you would go to such great lengths to let me know that you just needed some time but still wanted to see me when that was not your intention at all. (no need to answer that as it’s a bit rhetorical)  We all have our insecurities, and you played upon mine, intentional or not.  I think you could have saved yourself a lot of time and effort, and me a lot of worrying and ridiculously misplaced optimism by just telling me you had met someone else when it happened (which, thinking back, I’m pretty sure must have overlapped).

None of this changes the way that I felt at the time.  I was pretty excited to see where things would take us, both physically and otherwise, but well, things just don’t work out the way you think a lot of the time.  I’m sorry I believed everything that you told me at the beginning and sorry that I allowed myself to care.  I hope you’ve found what you’re looking for and that she makes you happy.  I am sorry that you felt the need to basically rub my nose in it though as after all, what I am left to take away from this e-mail is that you chose someone else over me.  Not a stellar feeling and leaves me feeling like a tremendous idiot and much more hurt than I really should be.

And wouldn’t you know it that after never being capable of responding to a text message or an e mail in a timely manner (or at all for that matter) during the entire time I knew him, he responded back with this.  Within 10 minutes:

I can understand how you may feel what you feel.  It was not my
intention to hurt you as such.  I am sorry for hurting your feelings
and violating your trust.

FWIW, there was no overlap and you are NOT an idiot, in the remotest sense.

You are a quality gal with a lot going for her, good looks, kindness,
sense of humor, intelligence, balanced, focused, considerate.  I could
go on…

I am sorry.

Wow, thanks douchebag for pointing out all of my awesome attributes.  Maybe you could help me with my new online dating profile.  Or possibly my application to accounting school (really? balanced & focused?) Too bad the one thing that is missing from the mix apparently is ‘familiarity’.  Out of all the points made above, that’s what you opted to address?  Fuck You Webster.  You lied to me when that was the only thing I ever asked of you not to do.  And no, I didn’t respond to this one.  There’s nothing left to say.  I have to be able to hold onto at least an ounce of self respect ………..


10 Responses to “I May As Well Finish It”

  1. Fun Philly Says:

    Two words, fuck – him, I hope his new girlfriend is either Catherine Kieu Becker or Lorena Bobbitt. We all know how they took a man playing with their feelings.

  2. Serena Says:

    I second what Fun Philly said. I just want to slap him, for you….what an idiot! I’m sorry GG, but you deserve way better than him. Don’t waste another second of your time thinking about what he’s done. One day he will realize what he messed up with you and try to get in touch again…..just don’t do it.

    *shaking head*

  3. Janet in Philly Says:

    GG: He showed his true colors. That’s it. It’s discouraging, to say the least, but now you have closure (Gawd, I hate that word).
    And Fun Philly? I’m going to be riding SEPTA, wondering if that woman ranting into the cell phone is you! Just kidding…

  4. jgavinallan Says:

    GG: I think you now know why he is really a lonely person…

  5. JaneDoePhx Says:

    I hate the “endorsement”. The two men I have allowed to hurt me in the last year cant seem to stop saying how fucking great I am. Fucktards. Grab your vodka and move on to the next prospect. Like SEPTA buses in Philly (i am from Philly but now am in Phx…you appear to have a stronghold in Philly) men come by regularly just gOtta decide which one to jump on and grab a pole! Seriously….be strong. A month.or two from now you will be glad you didnt get stuck being his nursemaid and his rebound landing spot.

  6. Take comfort in the fact that the woman he’s seeing is more than likely bat shit crazy. I completely sympathize because I’ve spent many an hour pondering the “what went wrong?” question and the few times I’ve gotten answers the girl I was dumped for or that was right after me turned out to be completely bonkers. And that’s when I realized, it wasn’t me, it was him and he just has really awful taste in women.

  7. goyagrrl Says:

    Hello GGD,

    Trust me when I say this as I am NOT just saying it to make you feel better (although I am sorry that you are hurting at the moment)….you TOTALLY dodged a bullet with this foolio. Gathering from what you shared on the blog, the only thing that you could count on from him was inconsistent behavior. And as the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior, in Webster’s case you would be facing a whole lot of future unreliability. WHO NEEDS THAT? Good riddance. I feel sorry for the woman he is dating now. You deserve way better, and I know you will find someone that knows how to treat a GGD lady!

  8. Good response! If he had any sense he would have continued to keep quiet. The only thing that is for sure is that he is unstable. I secretly kinda wish you write back fu*k you Webster! Never mind..I just did !

  9. ifUseekAmy Says:

    What an asshat. That’s as much effort I’m giving to the thought of him…

  10. Surrey gal Says:

    Asshole. I’m sorry you had to go through this and that you allowed yourself to fall for somebody who didn’t deserve it…

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