So I’m leaving in a bit to pick up my wonderful dopplegaanger (just a shorter version that is able to eat and drink this weekend – damn her) and am trying to ‘fix’ something before I leave and inflict it upon her. No, we’re not talking about my messy house ’cause that’s beyond help at this point. We’re not talking about my hair which is in dire need of a cut. It’s more of a home improvement project if you will. Well, no, that’s a lie too. It’s more of a ‘self improvement’ project. Yeah, that’s it! The fact of the matter is that I’m still pissed as shit and hurt beyond belief regarding the stupid fucking e-mail that shithead opted to send me a month after the fact. I tried to diminish my melancholy with a dose of retail therapy this morning, however being as I don’t really like to shop, that was a fairly bad idea. I tried to make myself feel better by wearing age inappropriate clothing. Yeah, that didn’t work either (however I’m still wearing it 😉 ). I think what I need to do, is try to get it out of my system once and for all. I’m not happy with the reply that I sent to him as although I think I did good on the ‘guilt trip’ part, I sounded like a needy sap and it wasn’t nearly as shitty as it should have been. So here, my friends, is what I should have sent:
So glad that you decided to write to me after all of this time to make sure I knew that I was dumped. Might I assure you that the fact that I haven’t actually seen you in two months paired with the fact that I haven’t heard from you in a month, more than implied that you were no longer interested. It wasn’t easy for me to accept and I made several guys I met in the interim pay the price on your behalf as they didn’t ‘measure up’. I gave you many chances to tell me you were no longer interested in me. An ‘out’, if you will. You made it a point to let me know that that wasn’t the case at all. It would have been so simple if you had. Instead you left me hanging. You strung me along and fucked with me for god knows what reason. I let far too much slide with you as I didn’t want to interfere with your ‘steps’ or ‘recovery’. The fact of the matter is that you were selfish through and through. It’s not always about you Webster, there was another person involved. Someone who did her best to put aside her wants and needs to give you what you said you needed. Someone who did think that you were worth waiting for.
How was I repaid for my understanding? Well that would be by you not even bothering to show me the respect I deserved by breaking things off the moment you knew you were no longer interested. I will never in a million years understand why you went out of your way to convince me otherwise. The fact of the matter is, yes, I got that you weren’t interested a month ago and it was tough for me to get over. Thanks for that. Guess what though? I was pretty much over it. And then you, in your fucking selfish wisdom, opted to bring it all crashing back to me. With the added bonus of letting me know that pretty much everything you told me about not being sure what you wanted, not being ready for a relationship, not wanting a relationship was complete bullshit as in the same breath that you told me those things, again, you tell me you’re ‘involved’? Why the hell would I need to know that. You said ‘for clarity’s sake’. How about for being a fucking selfish prick’s sake. Did you think I would be happy for you? Do you really think that I’m that nice and selfless? Ha! I’m nowhere near that.
So as for your ‘hoorray! be happy for me that I’m working on my relationship and communication issues ………. with someone else!’ declaration to me? Fuck you. I don’t know if it was one of your steps or what, but it was cruel and unnecessary. Not only did you go the additional step of telling me about your current involvement, but thru your totally emotionless, ridiculous and circular writing style, you have now made me question if you ever had any sort of interest in me. Regardless, for you to bring it all back up to me is unforgivable and I’m pissed as shit that I’m ‘back there’ again. I’m thrilled as well that I didn’t even merit a phone call or *gasp* face to face conversation. Kinda let’s me know how utterly inconsequential I was to begin with. So glad you got to ‘test the waters’ with me. So glad that seeing me allowed you to realize ‘what you really wanted’. So glad you left me hanging while you went out and found someone new. So glad that you let me know that you were ‘letting me off the hook as far as any future romantic possibilites’ between you and I went. Yup. Got it. I hope you feel better; because after all, it’s all about you, right?