43 & Single – Heaven Help Me, I've Resorted To Internet Dating!

Ridiculous & Random Stories & Thoughts on My Experiences

I’m Kind Of A Liar ……. But Only To Myself August 5, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 1:06 pm
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So I’m leaving in a bit to pick up my wonderful dopplegaanger (just a shorter version that is able to eat and drink this weekend – damn her) and am trying to ‘fix’ something before I leave and inflict it upon her.  No, we’re not talking about my messy house ’cause that’s beyond help at this point.  We’re not talking about my hair which is in dire need of a cut.  It’s more of a home improvement project if you will.  Well, no, that’s a lie too.  It’s more of a ‘self improvement’ project.  Yeah, that’s it!  The fact of the matter is that I’m still pissed as shit and hurt beyond belief regarding the stupid fucking e-mail that shithead opted to send me a month after the fact.  I tried to diminish my melancholy with a dose of retail therapy this morning, however being as I don’t really like to shop, that was a fairly bad idea.  I tried to make myself feel better by wearing age inappropriate clothing.  Yeah, that didn’t work either (however I’m still wearing it 😉 ).  I think what I need to do, is try to get it out of my system once and for all.  I’m not happy with the reply that I sent to him as although I think I did good on the ‘guilt trip’ part, I sounded like a needy sap and it wasn’t nearly as shitty as it should have been.  So here, my friends, is what I should have sent:

Dear Fuckhead,

So glad that you decided to write to me after all of this time to make sure I knew that I was dumped.  Might I assure you that the fact that I haven’t actually seen you in two months paired with the fact that I haven’t heard from you in a month, more than implied that you were no longer interested.  It wasn’t easy for me to accept and I made several guys I met in the interim pay the price on your behalf as they didn’t ‘measure up’.  I gave you many chances to tell me you were no longer interested in me.  An ‘out’, if you will.  You made it a point to let me know that that wasn’t the case at all.  It would have been so simple if you had.  Instead you left me hanging.  You strung me along and fucked with me for god knows what reason.  I let far too much slide with you as I didn’t want to interfere with your ‘steps’ or ‘recovery’.  The fact of the matter is that you were selfish through and through.  It’s not always about you Webster, there was another person involved.  Someone who did her best to put aside her wants and needs to give you what you said you needed.  Someone who did think that you were worth waiting for. 

How was I repaid for my understanding?  Well that would be by you not even bothering to show me the respect I deserved by breaking things off the moment you knew you were no longer interested.  I will never in a million years understand why you went out of your way to convince me otherwise.  The fact of the matter is, yes, I got that you weren’t interested a month ago and it was tough for me to get over.  Thanks for that.  Guess what though?  I was pretty much over it.  And then you, in your fucking selfish wisdom, opted to bring it all crashing back to me.  With the added bonus of letting me know that pretty much everything you told me about not being sure what you wanted, not being ready for a relationship, not wanting a relationship was complete bullshit as in the same breath that you told me those things, again, you tell me you’re ‘involved’?  Why the hell would I need to know that.  You said ‘for clarity’s sake’.  How about for being a fucking selfish prick’s sake.  Did you think I would be happy for you?  Do you really think that I’m that nice and selfless?  Ha!  I’m nowhere near that.

So as for your ‘hoorray! be happy for me that I’m working on my relationship and communication issues ………. with someone else!’  declaration to me?   Fuck you.  I don’t know if it was one of your steps or what, but it was cruel and unnecessary.  Not only did you go the additional step of telling me about your current involvement, but thru your totally emotionless, ridiculous and circular writing style, you have now made me question if you ever had any sort of interest in me.  Regardless, for you to bring it all back up to me is unforgivable and I’m pissed as shit that I’m ‘back there’ again.  I’m thrilled as well that I didn’t even merit a phone call or *gasp* face to face conversation.  Kinda let’s me know how utterly inconsequential I was to begin with.  So glad you got to ‘test the waters’ with me.  So glad that seeing me allowed you to realize ‘what you really wanted’.  So glad you left me hanging while you went out and found someone new.  So glad that you let me know that you were ‘letting me off the hook as far as any future romantic possibilites’ between you and I went.  Yup.  Got it.  I hope you feel better; because after all, it’s all about you, right?


22 Responses to “I’m Kind Of A Liar ……. But Only To Myself”

  1. ifUseekAmy Says:

    I love these fuck you letters…I just wish you had actually sent it to him, but suppose it’s better that you took the higher road…

    • Grey Goose, Dirty Says:

      Who knows Amy? I still might send it. While I realize he didn’t send it to be mean or shitty, it just was and maybe he needs to stop being so oblivious. ……..

  2. He’s a Jacka@@ who doesn’t even deserve three more words from you.

  3. Send it! Seriously. It is not even about being petty or about revenge. He needs to understand how he treats people and the consequences of his actions. He needs to have his eyes opened. I am sure he has done this sort of thing all the time. It is not right and someone needs to tell him.

  4. jgavinallan Says:

    GG: No—do not send it. Be done with him…that is enough. He will probably “get off” on a FU letter.

    • no, he wouldn’t ‘get off’ on the letter ~ it would genuinely make him feel like shit and I don’t think I have it in my nature to be so intentionally mean (although he apparently does)

  5. JaneDoePhx Says:

    Well said….he is such a major douche and SELFISH doesnt even begin to describe his need to tell you what he did, in the manner that he did. Hit “save draft” and in a month you can read it again and say THANK FUCKING GOD I moved on…….

    • Thanks Jane. The thing is, and I’m kicking myself for still wanting to defend him, that I’m sure he thought he was doing the ‘right’ thing by sending it. He is selfish and oblivious. He doesn’t see that either. I don’t have to ‘save draft’ ~ it’s in the blog! 😉

      You do realize, btw, that you can identify with all that I write because I am quite positive we’re dating the same idiots online! We should compare notes sometime. (you know I’m in phx too, right?) 😉

      • JaneDoePhx Says:

        I think we ARE and yes I do think we should compare notes sometime! This week’s online dating sociological smorgasbord included inappropriately aged men (both directions) three Mirror Shot Shirtless clowns, and one guy who took his picture in front of a Hanging white bedsheet and said he was newly divorced snd just looking for some fun (thus the sheet). Have fun with your mini me……drink and be merry!

  6. HI GGD. Honestly, I disagree with the other commenters. I think you should send it. He deserves to know that his “enlightenment” is nothing but buillshit, and that indeed, when you are in a relationship (even at the beginning stages of dating its a relationshIp)… and he, indeed, behaved like a fuck head. Send it – maybe he will learn something from his actions. And if he doesn’t, at least you know that he knows how you feel.

    He is a douchebag, he did not have you in mind when he sent that email to you – it was a “I’ve got to get this off my chest” email. The only way guys are going to know that they have to step it up is for people like you, me, Firecracker, and others let them know. Their shit does stink!!

    Anyway, my .02. Have fun forgetting what’s his name…. 😉

  7. what a douche. I love when guys think they are doing something to be upfront and honest, yet they don’t realize its almost always too late? whether you tell give him a big FU in an email or put a big ole FU out into the universe for him, either way It will find him..

    • Thanks so much. I guess it really is true that some guys just don’t think about the damage that a simpe ill timed ‘truth’ can cause. I don’t think I will actually send it but I love your thoughts on his big FU just floating around the universe. ‘Cause its out there! 😉

  8. You’re right. That’s the email you should have sent! I say save it for a week or two and then read it again. If you still feel the need to let him know all of those things then send it. Who cares what he or anyone else thinks? If you’ve moved on and don’t really care then no harm is done. You were just able to get out your frustrations.

    • Hey BAS. Thanks for the comment. As much as I really would like to send it, it would probably only make me feel petty for doing so. I’ll see how I feel in a couple of weeks…..

  9. everevie Says:

    I just wrote a nice long comment and it poofed on me. 😦

    The gist: You aren’t a mean-spirited or selfish person, and to send the email would be to purposefully to make yourself feel better…no matter how it made him feel. That’s what he did to you. And sending the email would make you a lot like him…so I support your inclination “not” to send it. I think the writing of it must’ve been cathartic…and maybe that’s all you need.

    • Thanks Evie. So sorry wordpress did not approve of your comment and therefore ate it. 😦

      Eh, I kinda am mean spirited but still don’t think I could do it. What good would it do? Uhm, not quite as cathartic as I had hoped, but in time, all will be right with the world again……

  10. Surrey gal Says:

    Wow, what an email!
    Have you sent it?
    I hope not. This is a kind of email that I was sending to my husband, trying to make him realise, see my point of view, trying to make myself feel better.
    I also got emails like this from guys that were a closed chapter for me.
    I learnt that those emails mean nothing to the other party, they are full of meaning for the writer only…
    But then, if it helped you if you sent it, do it, and feel better, because he owns it to you.

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