43 & Single – Heaven Help Me, I've Resorted To Internet Dating!

Ridiculous & Random Stories & Thoughts on My Experiences

Santa Is Just A Big Perv August 5, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 12:00 pm
Tags: , , ,

Now first of all, I would like to warn anyone that landed here looking for information on the jolly fat man that brings toys to children around the world.  The Santa I’m about to discuss would like to deliver far more sinister things ……… and probably to children as well (ick).

So let’s start with his dating profile, posted in it’s entirety, just so I can set up what is to follow.  Please enjoy:

I am very loving and outgoing yet love what I call (the dance) where you get that fuzzy warm feeling when you see your woman. I am very comfortable with myself and want a woman who is also comfortable within herself. I love to give and am learning how to recieve humbly. I absolutey insist upon enjoying life and want that in a woman. A woman who loves to be touched and kissed gently and enjoys holding hands and gentle hugs. Honesty and integrity is a must as well as trust. Someone who is adventurous and not afraid to explore new things and travel to new places . She must love chidren and animals and the mountains and the beachs.
I love to be humerous and have lots of fun, I believe life is meant to be Enjoyed not Endured . When I am at home
it will be very rare to see me without a smile and I like to be passionate with my mate and give lots of unexpected kisses and massages and make special meals together as well as the occasional FOOD FIGHT “LOL” avacado and tomatoes excluded I get only organic vege’s and they are to good to throw at each other but whip cream WE ARE ON!!!!!

I have tremendous respect for people and go out of my way to be respectful and not make them uncomfortable,
but there is a point where I feel this overwhelming desire to sweep my lover off her feet and give her a deep passionate kiss and hold her close every once in a while ,I never said I was PERFECT….

And now I would like to post his picture for your viewing displeasure:

And finally, my friends, keeping in mind that he ‘goes out of his way to be respectful’ and not make women uncomfortable, I would like to share with you the uber romantic and charming message that he sent to me:

Wellllllllllll !

Gifted ? Horizontally, Diagonally, Vertically

Now does anyone want to ask me why I get so frustrated with this whole thing so often?  No?  I didn’t think so……. ‘Santa’ did bring me a present however (and no, I’m not referring to the image I now must bleach from my memory).  I needed to send one more lame message to a new guy on Match in order to enact the ‘loser clause’ at the end of the month!  Yey me!  As Santa has just provided me with that option, I did reply to his message.  And told him that he really needed to work on his opening messages if he thought his message to me was in any way, shape or form appropriate and respectful.  Oh, and then I told him it was gross.  Oh, and then I blocked him from contact. 🙂


15 Responses to “Santa Is Just A Big Perv”

  1. First, ewwwww!

    Someday I will have try the WordPress search engine to see if there are any ‘guy’ versions of your blog where guys encounter similar kinds of odd behavior from women. I like to think that there normal guys too (even if it means that when I start down this path, there might be competition) and assume that surely it’s not just men who can be complete idiots…

  2. Serena Says:

    Ewww! That’s just nasty. I wouldn’t want any package that Santa has to offer. And ‘food fights’? C’mon.

    These guys should have their own dating site….www.wannadateaperv.com

  3. Matthew Says:

    The profile didn’t read too bad, but the message. Well…I have no words for that.

    I hope you replied telling him, “I don’t think we’d be a good fit. I like to throw organic tomatoes and avocados against the wall all the time. How else should I be mashing them?”

  4. jgavinallan Says:

    No…a gal could never be the kind of perfect and total idiot a guy can be…it is genetically impossible…

  5. Online Dating Circus Expert Says:

    Ewww reading his profile and the part about food totally took away my appetite.

  6. Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew!

    I’m struggling hard to figure out which I think is more creepy – the photo or the profile.

    I know this makes me sound like a complete bitch, but don’t you just sometimes feel like saying “Look at you and then look at me. In what twisted universe do you think that someone like me could ever be interested in someone like you?!”

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