Now I don’t mean white lies, like ‘you look great in those jeans’ or ‘i love your new haircut’ or anything else that isn’t hurtful, degrading, demeaning or just plain shitty. If you have to fib, you better be doing it in order to make someone feel better. For example ‘no, your incessant whining about Webster isn’t annoying in the least, keep it up, we love reading about it’. Yeah, that’s a really good lie. And an obvious one. 😉 Well you’re safe, that douchebag has nothing to do with this post.
This post has to do with me being an idiot. Shocker, I know. When my beloved Doppelganger was in town last weekend it was a fairly mellow weekend. She had family stuff going on and I was a dieting, non drinking emotional basket case. Good times. So we had plans to go out Friday and did. Saturday, I knew, was family day for her, so knew I’d be staying in. Not eating, not drinking and NOT watching sappy Rom-coms (holy hell, that probably would have caused me to throw myself off the roof of my two story house). I had been texting TallDark back and forth all week and he had asked what I was doing over the weekend. I told him that I had a friend coming into to town to stay with me, but for some reason opted not to tell him the nature of her visit and instead made it sound like a big ole’ party weekend. I know, I confuse myself with this shit sometimes. Anyway, I had told him that we were going out both Friday and Saturday. Saturday afternoon rolls around and he texts me asking how last night was. So I told him. Told him where we went, that it was rather a mellow evening, but filled with laughter and fun. He then asks what we were doing that night. Instead of just stating that she had family obligations and I was staying home like a loser, I opted to go with the old tried and true ‘haven’t decided yet, any suggestions?’ No clue why I did that but let’s just chalk it up to me being an immature moron. Anyway, he sends me some suggestions, we text a few more times and he asks me to let him know where we’re going. Of course, I agree. ‘Cause I’m dumb like that. 😉
Anyway, he texts back that night to see if we had decided where we were going, so I
retardedly lie tell him that we’re going to a specific place that I love for dinner but were still undecided about what for afterwards. He responds that he LOVES that restaurant too and then I proceed not to hear back from him for a couple of hours. All of a sudden, I’m like ‘oh shit!’, I hope he’s not coming to meet us! So of course I text letting him know that I hope he wasn’t coming to meet us at XYZ as we ended up at LMNOP instead. He then asks where that is and before I can respond, he sends ‘never mind, found it, thank goodness for GPS’. Uhm………. mind you that all of this is taking place as I’m sitting my fat ass on the couch at home in my jammies (yup, that’s how we 43 year old single gals rock a Saturday night) and I start to panick. And wonder how the hell I’m going to get out of this one. I’ve got 2 options. Either I could fess up that I lied about the whole thing. Yeah right, not gonna happen. Or, the more retarded and therefore more ‘me’ option would be that I could hurry and get dressed all nice and pretty and race to where I said we were, but wouldn’t that look strange me just entering the restaurant, sanz Doppelganger? Holy shit. I know better than to lie, I always get caught. While panicking, I manage to send back ‘????? where are you?’ while still trying to figure out how to get out of this mess that I created all on my own (i’m so proud). He finally sends a response about 10 minutes later that he’s at home, on his couch, with his kids and isn’t going out. Whew. I’m an idiot.
So let this be a lesson people. Do NOT fib about where you’re going on a Saturday and hint that anyone should meet you if you’re not actually going out! Sounds a bit common sensical, huh? I guess to most it would. To me, apparently not. 🙂