No, I’m not talking about my annoying Dave & Buster’s date on Saturday (did I happen to mention that he sent me an e-mail when I called him out on looking at my profile again that said ‘I just want to make sure that we do something you like. Your happiness matters’ or some lame ass comment with the same sensitive tone. OMG. I bet he shows up with a bouquet of crappy carnations too. Poor guy. I do love sweet and thoughtful guys, but I’m not big on the big ole’ pussies and hearts and flowers ones. That I haven’t even met yet. These poor guys just can’t win.
So as I was paying bills last night and looking at the mountain of paperwork on my desk at home including investment stuff, property stuff, financial stuff, utilities, mortgages, insurance and everything else that I bust my ass to be able to cover every month the least romantic thought ever occurred to me. And although I’ll act like this is something new that just came to me, it’s not. I’ve always felt this way. I am absolutely capable of taking care of my own finances. I haven’t done too poorly in that department. Most likely due to the fact that I work my ass off and have a full time job in addition to my business. Being self employed is fairly nerve-wracking in this economy. Every month I fear that I will never get another piece of business and then what would I do. That’s why I keep my 2nd job. Not only because I get killer benefits through them, but as a bit of security and a guaranteed paycheck twice a month. I get tired of worrying about money though. Of not having anyone to fall back on. Of having to do it all myself all the time. I want to work because I want to and not because I have to.
Sure I want to find someone to spend my life with because of that whole fear of dying alone thing and wanting someone to share all the fun and not so fun aspects of everything with. Someone to make me laugh when I’m sad. Someone to talk through challenges with me. Someone that I can’t wait to see every day. Someone that I can do the same for. Take care of. Make laugh. Help out. Listen to. Some people look for partners that basically mirror themselves. Yeah, I don’t want to date myself thank you. I’m sort of a pain in the ass. I want someone who compliments me, my skill set, my personality
defects flaws, my views on things. I want someone who challenges me and helps me see different viewpoints. I also want someone to share the bills with. Isn’t that horrible? It’s the truth though. Kinda tired of doing it all myself.