43 & Single – Heaven Help Me, I've Resorted To Internet Dating!

Ridiculous & Random Stories & Thoughts on My Experiences

Botchulism, Anyone? August 26, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 11:43 am
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What’s that song by ABC (one of my beloved 80s bands) about Vanity?  And it not being a good quality to have.  I am not a vain person.  Far from it, actually.  I have always intended to grow old gracefully.  I don’t look too shabby for a semi-ancient broad.  Those of you that were unlucky enough to see my pics on my birthday post may disagree, but whatever.  I’ve never been into beauty treatments or anything high maintenance.  I’m the gal that can be showered, changed and ready to go in half an hour.  The one that refers to her grey hairs as highlights. I never want to worry about ‘upkeep’ or ‘maintenance’;  it’s just not my style. 

Until I joined Groupon and Living Social and they insist on sending me really great deals on things like this.  So far this year I have had hair lasered, veins removed and teeth whitened.  I still have certificates for spray tans and body wraps and mani/pedis and brow shaping and the thing I thought I would never ever do.  Botox.  Now don’t get me wrong, I also have hoarded certificates for restaurants, kickboxing classes, bowling and gun ranges as well.

Back to the whole Botox thing.  I’ve never minded wrinkles.  I don’t even have that many and the few that I do have, at the sides of my eyes, are caused from smiling.  I like those.  I wear them proudly.  I’ve never wanted to be the gal that has the same wax expression on her face regardless of mood. That always looks perpetually surprised.  I firmly believe that you should be able to tell by looking at someone if they are sad or happy or angry or just plain spacey.  I have an overly expressive face.  To the point where people have told me that I’m making a face when I don’t even realize I’m doing it.  I worry about this.  Not a lot, mind you, but still.  I worry about a lot of things.  All the time.  And thus I have worry lines between my brows.  Now those I could definitely do without.  So today, my dear friends, I am going for Botox.  And scared shitless.

I hope to god that I don’t end up looking like Patty Stanger this season.  I still can’t even figure out what the hell she’s done to herself.

After that, I shall go home, bleach my teeth, pluck my eyebrows and make myself a big ole’ cocktail in anticipation of a hot Friday night at home. Alone. With the dogs. 😉 Where have my priorities gone?


16 Responses to “Botchulism, Anyone?”

  1. Surrey gal Says:

    Do let know how it went!! The Dentist is doing it too, maybe I should ask him to poison my forehead? 😉

  2. haha SG. I lived! 4 little pokes. Since I’m a ‘virgin’ (oh how I miss being called one of those) at it, the Dr. said I should see results in a couple of days. I’ll keep you posted!

  3. Fun Philly Says:

    I hate reality shows except maybe when there is nothing on television and I need company while doing something tedious. That being said my ex had a thing for the show Keeping up with the Kardashians (sad I know how to spell their name). Anywho in this one episode Kim decides at the ripe old age of 30, she needed botox (sorry I was gagging) and she went out and got it. The next day she had what appeared to be a black eye because she had a bad reaction. Be careful with that stuff, remember how great it was getting your teeth bleached, just saying.

  4. JaneDoePhx Says:

    oooohhhh I sooooooooo want Botox for that tiny “eleven” between my brows!!!! Let me know how it went!!

    I dont care WHO you are, we all need a little help every now and again. Re: Patti – I KNOW!!! I have NO CLUE what she has had done but she looks a bit creepy.

    • uh der Jane, you can see for yourself on Tuesday! Hopefully I won’t have one of those droopy eyelids that I had to sign a waiver for (along with swelling, bruising, uneven results, numbness and bleeding) yikes! ;-p

  5. Well… You already know I’m all for it ;-). And hello Kim K started doing that shit ten years ago not that episode. All those bitches (reality show, TV, movie and otherwise all do.

  6. Fun Philly Says:

    We she get a reality show that follows us around our own city while we blog and bitch about online dating. Hell if they can watch fist pumping, I’m damn sure exciting!

    • Haha, they should. Hmmm, what would they call it? Shitty Online Dating? Nah, that’s just redundant. Not Enough Fish In The Sea? Digging Through Shit To Find Your Prince? eh, i’m making myself nauseous ……. 😉

  7. Fun Philly Says:

    you already named the show. OKSTUPID… PA, AZ, NY, TX… and where’s Click from again, lol. Throw in my Girlfriend in NC and we have the North, South, East and West covered, lmao,

  8. Cali, baby – then we have it all covered. And I’ll be glad, er, I mean reluctantly willing, to uncouple myself for a reality show and free Botox, juvederm, etc.

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