43 & Single – Heaven Help Me, I've Resorted To Internet Dating!

Ridiculous & Random Stories & Thoughts on My Experiences

Grape Crush vs Human Crush August 28, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 12:56 am
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Let’s see, one you can buy in the supermarket.  One you get for those of the opposite sex (or same sex, depending on which team you play for).  One you have total control over when to open it.  One you have no control over when it will come about.  One will go flat in no more than a week.  One may last a bit longer than that.  One I can only take in small doses as the sugar gives me a headache.  The other I can only take in small doses because it turns me into a neurotic mess.  One you can pour down the sink and recycle when you’re done.  The other should never be recycled.  Ever.  One mixes great with vodka.  The other, well, that could go either way when mixed with vodka.

As you know, my annoying date with Fanny Pack was cancelled yesterday morning as he has apparently fallen in the love in the 5 day gap between our 1st correspondence and me ‘making’ him wait to meet me.  Uh, if only I lived a life of leisure where being available to meet all internet idiots dates at the drop of a hat took precedence over actually working.  Must be nice.  Who knew it was a race? Anywhoo, when that fell thru in the morning, I thought I would try my hand at a little juggling.  As in moving my (maybe) Wednesday plans with Red Onesie to last night.  I sent him a quick text letting him know that my plans had fallen through and I was checking to see if he was available.  To which I got the oh so touching response of ‘have plans already – darn’.  Uhm, whatever.

So what’s a gal to do on a Saturday when the temperature is just below pizza oven digits outside and everyone else already has plans?  Well that would include washing all the covers for my couch cushions (i know, please try to contain your excitement on my behalf) and going to the store to find mixers for the big ole bottle o’ vodka that I have sitting on my kitchen counter (usually i keep my vodka in the fridge or freezer, but this awesome bottle is about 3 feet tall so it won’t fit – gotta love costco). 🙂 Just as an aside, I don’t think I’ve drunk more in the past 5 years than I have this year alone.  And it’s only September.  Oh well, I guess internet dating can turn the best of us into lushes. 🙂 So as I’m perusing the ‘mixer’ aisle, I am faced with the dilema of not actually liking soda, or seltzer, or juice or anything else traditionally ‘mixable’.  In the past I had found the absolutely perfect ratio of Grape Powerade Zero to Berry Powerade Zero to Vodka.  Made me feel kinda healthy and sporty when I’d suck those puppies down.  As I decided I would be ‘bad’ today (and because just about everyone in the universe is annoying me), I opted to go for the fizzy stuff.  I am currently drinking something a very unnatural shade of purple that fizzes up mixed with my vodka.  And it’s giving me a headache ’cause it’s so sugary.

So, I ask you, which is better to have?  Grape Crush or a Human Crush?  I’m not actually sure at this point …….


8 Responses to “Grape Crush vs Human Crush”

  1. Tiffany Says:

    Fanny Pack has no idea what he lost! Good luck tonight;)

  2. Julie Says:

    Soooo. . . . you found me first and I’m thrilled to have a fellow writer/blogger/blonde/drinker/43-year-old/smartass to read about and follow on a regular basis. I toast you and your writing even though I don’t have a purple concoction in my hand at the moment–thanks for the recipe–hope the hangover isn’t too terrible and I look forward to reading more of your hilarious tales of dating woes and whoas!

    • Hi Julie! So glad you followed suit! I am absolutely loving your blog so glad that you like mine as well. Yes, whenever you’re feeling down or discouraged about dating, just swing by here and I promise you’ll feel much better about your luck by comparison! 🙂

  3. everevie Says:

    That sounds so yummy!!! The drink…not the “human” crush.

    I woulda thought the vodka would cancel out the sugar-induced headache? No? Next time maybe you can get diet grape soda…if there is such a thing. LOL.

  4. Riddle me this. What came first – the grape crush or the human crush? Do you need/want one for/because of the other? Here they have the grape flavored selzer water. You know how I love all things seltzer. And fizzy and crushy.

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