43 & Single – Heaven Help Me, I've Resorted To Internet Dating!

Ridiculous & Random Stories & Thoughts on My Experiences

Why Red Training Wheels Might Work September 1, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 11:23 am
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So as we all know, I am not a pretty sight when I’m all ‘into’ a guy.  Faster than Clark Kent, I change from a fairly well adjusted, intelligent and independent human being into a whiney, needy, clingy, neurotic mess.  Not a good look for me.  I know who what I want, he’s just not available (no, it’s not shit for brains Webster, thank you very much).  Even if he was available, I don’t think he’d be interested, but that’s okay.  I can’t float everyone’s boat, right?

What I do need to do is to get out of my friggin’ head regarding guys and bike rides and ‘what it all means’.  I need to try to find the person I used to be.  The one who didn’t get all wrapped up in guys.  Who didn’t much care if they called or not.  Who pretty much knew that they would call. 😉 Sure, this isn’t what I want in the long term, but as long as I have nothing else going on, why the hell not?  I think it would be fun to hang out with someone who makes me laugh, kisses well and has a (sometimes) chivalrous side.  That could be Red Onesie (RO for short).  He said some stuff last night that made me think that he might possibly be the male version of me in some regards.  No, not in the pervy inappropriate stuff (as far as you know 😉 ), but he said something in passing and sort of under his breath last night that I totally picked up on as it’s something I always say about myself.  I think I was giving him a hard time about being so over the top and outspoken and he said something to the effect of his being a confident individual who would never allow anyone to see his insecurities.  That’s so me!  That statement totally zeros itself out. 

Anyway, although I think he’s fun and certainly didn’t mind kissing him, there is no way in hell that I would ever ‘fall’ for him.  We’re very different.  And he’s got some aspects that annoy the shit out of me.  Would I be selling myself short by sort of going along with things?  Uh, not really, it wouldn’t be a ‘settling’ situation, it would be more of a practice course.  Would I feel bad if he knew I was just temporarily using him to work on some things for myself?  Yup.  But too bad, guys do it all the time.

Anyway, here are the top 10 reasons that I would never fall for RO:

1) He talks like a dirty perv.  Now I may act inappropriate most of the time sometimes, but I do not talk dirty to people.  I’m a bit of a prude that way and I think it’s kinda low class ~ especially when you’ve just met the person.

2) He wore black socks.  With shorts.  I’m sorry, but although he was wearing a black shirt and they matched, I just cannot look at black socks without envisioning an old man in a wife beater and shorts, with his black socks complete with orange line around the top, mowing the lawn.

3) His teeth are totally wonky.  Sorry, sue me, I’m superficial like that

4) He likes camping.  Like full on camping.  We all know how I will never willingly pee behind a bush.

5) He hunts.  Enough said.

6) He said something so disgusting to me last night that it brought back memories of that really tall pervy guy who turned a text message volley into a sexting one.

7) He lives pretty far away.  Like an hour. 

8.) He goes to bed at 7pm during the week.  Loser.

9) He drinks like a sissy.  He actually  ordered a double Tuaca with 7-Up on the rocks.  Look it up, it’s a sweet as shit Mexican Liquer.  Lame.

10) He has converted his garage into a ‘man cave’ and actually parties in there.  Full on, garage door open, hang out and invite the neighbors in.  I have always made fun of people that do that.  Always.  I can’t think of anything more white trash.

Now, all of my snarky, judgemental shit aside.  He does have a very sweet side to him.  He was very complimentary.  He seems to have his head on straight.  He’s definately honest.  Probably to a fault.  He’s not too shabby to look at.  He has a sense of humor about himself (hello? red onesie) and it might just be good for me to be able to casually ‘see’ (aka, bike ride with) someone without getting all wrapped up.  Now that I’ve gotten all that figured out, we just have to see if I ever hear from him again.  What a bust on me that would be if I didn’t!  HA!


8 Responses to “Why Red Training Wheels Might Work”

  1. husbandhunter1 Says:

    MAN CAVE!!!! Awesome.

  2. everevie Says:

    Hell…based on that description, I’d sure as shit take him for a ride around the block.

    Oh, who are we kidding? I’d marry the guy.

    But YOU should definitely give this new bike a go. At least check out his tires and see what you’re working with. LOLOL.

    I’m fer sure he’s gonna call you back…mainly based on the fact that you don’t “like” him. It’s practically a done deal.

  3. JaneDoePhx Says:

    Ugh I didn’t know all THAT about black socks, man cave, and FILTHY innuendo.Ok he’s ok for a toy. You need a guy who is as smart and together as you for LONG term though. You can have fun though! Maybe he is SUPER in bed!!! (As long as he doesnt have his way with you on his inevitable pleather couch in said man-cave.)

    • I DO need a GREAT guy for long term Jane, I just can’t seem to find him 😦

      Funny thing would be if RO SUCKS in bed! Not sure that I’m going to find out. Drunk and flirty is one thing, but sober and remembering some of the shit he said, not so stellar…

  4. All I can say is thank goodness! I didn’t know black socks were bad? I thought it was white socks? And man caves…kinda cool. Keeps them out of the house. Enjoy Mr Right Now. I am slightly afraid of what he will say “in the moment” though…oh well..Hope you get a chance to ro(w) ro(w) ro(w) the boat 🙂

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