I’m a loser. Yup, just ask anyone. Especially Match.com. For the 2nd year in a row I have unsuccessfully met my ‘match’! Yey me! Oh, wait ………. So I log onto Match today, mainly to block Red Onesie 😉 but also to check my status on enacting the 6 month free loser clause. And I can’t find the tracking thing anywhere on my home page where it should be. Huh. I click into subscriptions and see that yes, my subscription had been renewed for another 6 months on August 28th. For $116. WTF?! Uh, that’s not how it’s supposed to work. They are kinda anal about the whole redemption process and try to make it hard for you to actually follow the rules, but as I’m an old hand at this, I know that there is some tiny little something or other on the bottom of your tracking page that you must click in order to redeem your next 6 months. And those little buggers never sent me that.
Heaven forbid I actually pay for another 6 months of messages from old, out of shape, pervy, grammatically retarded
idiots bachelors. I followed the rules. I messaged 5 douchebags per month. I kept my profile active. I kept my pictures visible. Now where’s my prize (and by prize, I mean my additional 6 months of aggravation)? So I called Match. And proceeded to stay on hold for exactly 42 minutes before I actually got to speak to a human (thank goodness for speaker phone). I explained my issue (no, not personality issues, but account ones) and was fully prepared to argue to the death on this one. I was also ready to cancel my membership if they didn’t honor the agreement. No way was I paying $116. Do you know how many of my own drinks I could buy for that? Well being as I’m not a cheap date, it would only buy me about 10 drinks. During happy hour. Sanz tip. But whatever. 😉
The lady that answered had some sort of unidentifiable accent but was very nice and proceeded to ask me my e-mail address 14 times as apparently she’s got a bit of dyslexia going on. She finally gets that input correctly and asks me about 15 additional security questions (really? do they have problems with people trying to call in and redeem additional months for others’ accounts?). After she finally gets into my account and checks out ‘all the facts’ to verify that I did, indeed, follow the rules, she actually congratulated me on being a loser! Okay, not in those exact words, but the meaning was still the same. She verified that I did everything I was supposed to, credited back my credit card, enabled my 6 months free and made sure that I was a happy camper. Well no, actually, if you could send me good matches, I would be happy, but whatever.
It wasn’t nearly the fight I thought it was going to be though. I know how they hate crediting back money they have already charged. I guess she realized what a true loser I really am and took pity on me. As we ended the call, she thanked me for being a member, asked if she could do anything else and wished me a pleasant day. What she didn’t do, however, was wish me luck on my continued search. She must already know that I’m a lost cause and didn’t want to rub it in……….