I’m guessing half of you (that would make about 3.2) are thinking this is going to be something about ‘grooming’. Or a Brazilian (aka: the 12 year old). Or proper maintenance of nameless nether regions. Well sorry to disappoint, it’s actually about landscaping. You know, the shit you have in the backyard? Well what the hell am I doing writing about yard-work in a dating blog, right? To be perfectly honest, I could write an entire blog post about shoe polish if I wanted and no, that is not a hip euphemism for anything more interesting that the stuff you put on your shoes. I just choose to leave
all most of my boring ponderings out of here ’cause really, who the hell cares? Anyway, today’s random landscaping question comes in two parts:
1) Why is it that the grass in my yard where there is supposed to be grass looks like shit, yet there is lush, bright green grass growing willy nilly in the borders where it is not supposed to be?
2) Why am I doing yardwork when it’s 112 outside?
I have no answer for #1 other than mother nature is a bitch. #2 mind you, is a far more sinister answer. You see I have this ever growing ‘honey do’ list that I’ve been working on for oh, say the last 44 years and no actual ‘honey’ to ‘do’ any of it. Dammit. So it’s either hunker down and get ‘er done, or patiently wait for the Health Department come condemn my house. And really, what would the neighbors think if that were to happen?
As your bonus feature to this highly inane post, I will give you my unadulterated review of my adorable little electric lawn mower. Mind out the gutters people, it’s really for the lawn. In the backyard. I won’t lie and say that I bought it because I’m any sort of an environmentalist and are concerned in any way shape or form about minimizing the carbon footprint that I leave on this planet (I love water bottles – kill me). I bought it because my gas mower to too friggin’ hard for me to start. And I’m lazy. And the cute electric one just requires you to plug it in (and not run over the cord – that would be bad) and then hit a button to start it. So it takes twice as long to complete the task as it’s kinda pocket sized, but whatever. It’s cute and quiet and does a decent job. It’s sorta like vacuuming the back yard with the noise it makes. And lack of power. Actually it’s very much akin to using a dustbuster to vacuum your entire house. You have to empty the little sucker about 52 times before you can complete the task. Did I happen to mention how cute it is though?