Yup, it’s happened again. I don’t know why I continue to allow myself to be lied to. I think I know everything I need to know about a person and then wham, everything gets turned all upside down. I continue to open myself up to this crap. I get invested in other peoples’ lives. I defend my friends fiercely and love them dearly. They make me smile and can turn my day around. I not so recently made a new friend. One that I was a little bit worried about getting too attached to. One that would check in with me every single day. One that I would want to tell 1st when something funny or sad or just random happened. One that I would contact when I was bored. One that would do all these same things back at me. I was pretty damn sure that this friend would be a part of my life for a very long time to come. This friend is pretty much the embodiment of what a good person is. Kind and thoughtful, sensitive, empathetic, caring, giving, funny, smart, responsible and every other characteristic that you would want were you to build, from scratch, the ideal person. As it turns out, this friend is a little bit too good. In that he openly gives everyone the benefit of the doubt and 2nd chances. Deserved or not. I was pretty convinced that this friend was just that. A friend. Until today. When he told me that he’s going back to his ex. Who in no way shape or form deserves him. Now I am left to try and figure out why this has hit me so hard. If our friendship will continue. If I told him he’s making a mistake for his sake or for mine. If I can actually support his decision, like I promised him I would. If I’m upset for his sake in that I don’t think things the 2nd time around will be any better than the 1st and I don’t want him to get hurt again? If I’m upset because that means I no longer ‘have a chance’? If I’m upset because I fear that I am going to lose one of the best friends I’ve made in a long time? I don’t know. And I need to figure it out. I do want him to be happy. With me, without me, whatever. He deserves it. I don’t really see ‘her’ allowing him to remain friends with someone who he met off a dating site though. Am I upset for purely selfish reasons or selfless reasons? I just don’t know.
And no, it’s not TallDark that lied to me. It’s me. 😦