43 & Single – Heaven Help Me, I've Resorted To Internet Dating!

Ridiculous & Random Stories & Thoughts on My Experiences

Liar, Liar, Pants On Fire September 8, 2011

Filed under: dating,internet dating,online dating,single — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 10:15 am
Tags: , , , , ,

Yup, it’s happened again.  I don’t know why I continue to allow myself to be lied to.  I think I know everything I need to know about a person and then wham, everything gets turned all upside down.  I continue to open myself up to this crap.  I get invested in other peoples’ lives.  I defend my friends fiercely and love them dearly.  They make me smile and can turn my day around.  I not so recently made a new friend.  One that I was a little bit worried about getting too attached to.  One that would check in with me every single day.  One that I would want to tell 1st when something funny or sad or just random happened.  One that I would contact when I was bored.  One that would do all these same things back at me.  I was pretty damn sure that this friend would be a part of my life for a very long time to come.  This friend is pretty much the embodiment of what a good person is.  Kind and thoughtful, sensitive, empathetic, caring, giving, funny, smart, responsible and every other characteristic that you would want were you to build, from scratch, the ideal person.  As it turns out, this friend is a little bit too good.  In that he openly gives everyone the benefit of the doubt and 2nd chances.  Deserved or not.  I was pretty convinced that this friend was just that.  A friend.  Until today.  When he told me that he’s going back to his ex.  Who in no way shape or form deserves him.  Now I am left to try and figure out why this has hit me so hard.  If our friendship will continue.  If I told him he’s making a mistake for his sake or for mine.  If I can actually support his decision, like I promised him I would.  If I’m upset for his sake in that I don’t think things the 2nd time around will be any better than the 1st and I don’t want him to get hurt again?  If I’m upset because that means I no longer ‘have a chance’?  If I’m upset because I fear that I am going to lose one of the best friends I’ve made in a long time?  I don’t know.  And I need to figure it out.  I do want him to be happy.  With me, without me, whatever.  He deserves it.  I don’t really see ‘her’ allowing him to remain friends with someone who he met off a dating site though.  Am I upset for purely selfish reasons or selfless reasons?  I just don’t know.

And no, it’s not TallDark that lied to me.  It’s me. 😦


8 Responses to “Liar, Liar, Pants On Fire”

  1. JaneDoePhx Says:

    Maybe be honest but tactful? (I know, tact…whats that?) just be supportive and let him know although you are concerned he’ll get hurt you DO support his decision and are there for him. Be your usual funny, sweet, smart self and if the Shrew disallows him to be friends with you, then that just makes you look better. In the interim, if TallDark is too dense/gullible/kind to snatch you up and someone else rides off with your beautiful, intelligent, successful self….well then too bad for him. But no one would ever be able to say you werent a good friend to him, I’m so sorry….and I know that even though it wont be better this go-round for him and Shrewy, it won’t be easy for you to watch it happen either. You are in my thoughts, my friend.

  2. JaneDoePhx Says:

    oh and PS….I am not a licensed relationship coach, the only relationship I have successfully been able to nurture is the one with some Grape Pucker vodka a very dear person brought me. The aforementioned advice can be filed under the “pulled out of an ass” category.

  3. everevie Says:

    I agree with everything JaneDoe said.

    Find out if he wants to continue your friendship…he’d be a fool not to.

    And I know you well enough to bet that although there is about 2% selfishness involved (which is normal)…98% of the disappointment is on behalf of him…b/c you don’t want to see him hurt the way he was before…and you know it’s prolly gonna go down that way.

    Now it’s YOUR turn to be consistent and kind to HIM. He’ll appreciate and value you even more. And even though you know it will have to evolve to something that doesn’t include round-the-clock texting…I think your friendship will continue.

    P.S. I’m sorry you are sad. I’m always available to be a”Stand-In” for round-the-clock texting. If you need me. 🙂

  4. mysterycoach Says:

    You’re upset because you really enjoyed him and his company, he’s like a little ray of sunshine 🙂 in your day. And you’re going to miss him a lot because usually, men who go back to ex’s tend to fall off little by little.

    One thing is true, this is about another person’s heart and is no refection on you at all. Although it totally sucks. I hadda guy years ago, totally into me, wanted to get married and then his ex fiance showed back up. That was some mess. If a person has unfinished business they can care about us a whole bunch… but they have to sometimes go see what could have been until they’re done with it. It’s still not about us though… I know it sucks. I’m sorry 😦

  5. Stupid boys and their stupid ex’s. 😦

  6. eM Says:

    Oh man, this blows! I’m sorry you’re going through this. It’s hitting you hard because of the reasons you listed, both the selfish and selfless and there isn’t anything wrong with that. But at the end of the day he is going to do what he is going to do and it will be reflection of him and NOT you. I recently lost what I thought was a good friendship…a 10 year friendship I thought I would have through old age. I was upset and most people were telling me that the person simply was never my friend to begin with and while it can be easy to fall into this line of thinking, I found the most solace when someone told me the person was my friend for as long as they needed to be. Your situation is different, yes, but hope this might help you too. {virtual hugs}

  7. Aw I hope you don’t lose him, I think you need to be honest with him about your fears. Do you think you like him more than just as a friend?

  8. Surrey gal Says:

    I honestly think that it is ok to be selfish, and you shouldnt beat yourself about it. Your feelings are natural and normal, and everybody would feel this way if they were in your shoes.
    He is a silly man, heated soup never tastes the same, and he will find it out.
    You may still be there when he finds it out, but I’m hoping you won’t be, because you will be making out with somebody hotter, sexier, and wiser 🙂 xx

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