43 & Single – Heaven Help Me, I've Resorted To Internet Dating!

Ridiculous & Random Stories & Thoughts on My Experiences

Stolen Words… September 8, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 12:19 am
Tags: , , , ,

Words, not worlds people.  Why would I want to steal someone’s world?  That just seems excessive. 😉  And it’s not so much that i’ve even stolen these words, just sorta borrowed them.  Permanently.  Hell, he wrote them online in order to help people, so I’m just paying it forward, right?

Not sure why I read them all the time, but I subscribe (in thread, not always theory) to several dating coach blogs.  Actually I believe they’re called relationship coaches, not dating ones.  Duh.  Anyway, some are better than others.  Some give sage advice that we all know, but need to be reminded of sometimes.  Some pull shit directly out of their ass and throw it out into the universe.  Some I think just make stuff up as they go.  There is one in particular that gives very good advice.  He’s a guy (duh, noted by the ‘he’ reference) who advises women.  He’s apparently an ex-douchebag himself, therefore he knows how the mind of the average (or below average as found on internet dating sites) douchey guy works.  And he gives some pretty harsh advice to stupid confused women.  Women who write letters listing all the ridiculous shit that their men do.  Like don’t call, don’t take them out, insult them in public and other random displays of disrespect.  I fully realize that when someone is actually inside the situation (thanks Webster you big fuckhead), it’s hard to see the forest for the trees (hee, who knew I’d ever be able to use that pithy sentiment in my snarky blog), so it sometimes takes another neutral party to lay it all out there for us.

Anywhoo, he had a blog post a couple of days ago from some needy insecure woman who listed out all the fucked up aspects of her relationship and was pretty much looking to Evan for reassurances that everything would be okay.  He didn’t give it.  He pretty much told her to pull her head out of her ass.  As I was reading his comments, of course I was thinking ‘duh, who doesn’t know that stuff’, then realized that huh, I often don’t know that stuff.  Well, I know it, I just forget it a lot.  Like whenever I’m dating someone not all that worthy of my affections.  Which luckily (?) isn’t all that often.  No, not that they aren’t worthy of my affections, but that I don’t often ‘date’ (more than once). 😉

So here’s a little present from me to you, my friends.  Okay a little present from Evan Mark Katz to me to you.  Please don’t ever forget the things that are listed below.  They make sense.  They’re important.  They’re absolutely deserved:

Your man’s job is to make you feel safe.

Your man’s job is not simply to be smart and sexy and appealing, but to be consistent and kind.

Your man’s job is to take down his profile, call you every day, integrate himself into your daily life and bill himself as your boyfriend.

And if you’ve been with a guy for over 6-8 weeks and you still have questions about whether he’s your boyfriend, guess what?

You’re in a toxic, one-sided relationship that benefits him and is going to crush you in the long run.

If, of course, you choose to stick with him – as most women would – you’re pretty much just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Harsh?  Yup (that’s one of the main reasons that I like him), but there’s no grey area here.  While arguments can be made about the 6-8 week timeline (but how would I know, it’s been years since i’ve dated anyone even that long) as well as needing to take some of the statements with a grain of salt and not entirely literally (in regards to his 1st item, it is NOT, in fact, your man’s job to have you fitted for a flack jacket, let’s say) these are some important things.  Things that are pushed aside and/or discounted due to the ‘amazing chemistry’ or any other excuse you can think of.  Plain and simple, we all deserve these things.  And he’s right about waiting for the other shoe to drop.  There is a difference, a big one, between ‘attraction’ and ‘interest’, but that’s a blog post for another day. 😉


12 Responses to “Stolen Words…”

  1. Online Dating Circus Expert Says:

    You just have to like this guy because he tells it how it is. At first, he pissed me off but then he makes sense. Stop waiting for these magical things to happen. You either are going to feel a guy’s energy coming at you or not. (It does help he is a self-proclaimed ex-douchebag 😉 )

  2. goyagrrl Says:

    So true!!!! Particularly the “consistent and kind” part. It is still surprising to me to see the amount of people in this world that, sadly, are neither.

  3. Surrey gal Says:

    Why don’t we always realise those simple, obvious things? Could it be only because it’s more difficult to see things for what they are when we are in the middle of them? Easier from the outside?

    • I think it is SG. I can see people in identical relationships to what i’ve been in and I think ‘what the hell are they doing?’, when at the time, I wouldn’t listen to anyone that something was wrong…..

  4. He doesn’t pull his punches, does he? I don’t agree with all his comments but so what, he’s got a lot of good advice and the thrust of his points is more important than every last detail.

  5. everevie Says:

    I hate that guy…(pouty face).

    No…I agree w/a lot of what he says. Some things are non-negotiable…like kindness, consistency, etc. However, as my friend Oscar says: Humans and life are too complicated to have such a narrow view. Things such as timelines, definitions and labels shouldn’t be so “black and white”.

    Now…I understand Katz is coming from the pov of an “ex-douchebag” and an “online dater”…so maybe you would expect to be on the same page (actively looking for a mate) if you are both on Match.com. In “real-life” dating…who the F knows? Also…what happens if your dude isn’t actually a douch-bag, dick, prick, asshole…and is just a good guy who is flailing about??

  6. JaneDoePhx Says:

    Love this. Am cutting, pasting, and sticking it on my forehead. TRUE….harsh, but so true. I have been on the other side (the toxic side) about four times this year. Ugh. Consistent and kind…..I need you now!!!

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