Okay, so more accurately it would be the calendar, but whatever. As I spent most of yesterday feeling like the shittiest friend ever and trying to decide exactly why, I came to a non conclusion. My life is not a romantic comedy. I am not the cute funny girl who gets the guy in the end (although I am kinda funny, but apparently it’s a package deal). That’s just not my reality. I look nothing like Sandra Bullock and am not nearly peppy enough to be Kate Hudson. I’m more the one that supports the happy couple, puts on her ‘nothing bothers me’ face and is the understanding friend that helps everyone out. The stupid bridesmaid. Truth be told, I don’t know that I even want the guy in the end. I also don’t know that I want to sit by and watch another happy couple ride off into the sunset. I certainly don’t want to sit by and watch him get hurt again and more jaded than he was before. Not when I’m not even clear how I feel about one of the parties in question. Just sounds annoying and like a big ole’ bag of ‘not again’ in the end. I don’t want to play.
I need to stop participating in everyone else’s life and shake some things up in my own. This little shake up has been in the works for a while. It just seemed so far away at the time that it was just pointless to get excited. The time has come, however. The countdown is on!
So know what happens in 2 months? A scant 58 days from now? I set sail on my quest for vacation fling 2011! Yey me! 7 full days of being drunk and stupid relaxed and tan. No work, no internet, no internet dating, no worries (other than what cocktail to have at what time each and every day). 7 days of sun and reading and napping and eating and drinking. Oh, and I may actually get off the ship occasionally to explore the different ports, but no promises. 😉 We all know (or at least I do) that one of my absolute favorite things about cruising are the formal dinners. Dressing all fancy schmancy, going into an elaborate dining room and being treated to decadent 5 course meals. Love, love, love it! Maybe even more than I love my cocktails. It’s a close call.
I really do need to figure out what I’m doing with my life right now. Everything just seems to be in some sort of a holding pattern. Not moving forward. Hell, not moving at all. I may have even taken a few steps back. Great.
So for now at least, I will concentrate on me. What makes me happy. What I want to do. I will try my best to not get so invested in others. I can certainly create enough drama in my own life without outside help……. 😉