What a novel concept! Who knew? Crazy that I get so invested in other peoples’ lives. Pretty sure I do that so I don’t have to deal with all the crap that goes on in my own, but whatever. No clue why I get so righteously indignant (nope, I don’t even have that word a day toilet paper, i’m just kinda smart like that) when friends do stupid shit and don’t listen to me but who am I kidding? I do stupid shit all the time and don’t listen to anyone. Until after the fact. When it’s too late. Why do I get so frustrated with people for not seeing things as I do? How amazingly conceited must I be to think that my way is the right way? For everyone. Absolutely ridiculous on my part. Yet I continue to do it.
I get all pissy when someone doesn’t agree or ‘see’ what I see and then that charming passive aggressive side comes out. Which only serves the purpose of making me feel horrible for potentially hurting someone’s feelings. This is a terrible cycle that I find myself doing. I speak without thinking (damn that filter of mine that’s been on the fritz for close to 30 years) then instantly feel bad. Then I end up apologizing. Which makes me feel like an even bigger loser. I really really really need to pay less attention to other peoples’ lives and trying to ‘help’ or ‘fix’ whatever is going on and concentrate on my own. I mean really people, I’m 44 years old. Shouldn’t I be able to mind my own business? Shouldn’t I be able to offer advice and empathetically listen without feeling the need to blurt whatever it is i’m thinking out?
Huh, I guess not.
Here’s a little secret about me. Although I will spew whatever nonsense comes to my mind here in my little safe haven of a blog (ha, notice the newly password protected posts), I do not talk about myself to my real world friends. I do the same thing with them that I do with my stellar dates. I ask a million questions and get them to talk about themselves, but don’t often share much of me. Even my best friends in the world know very little about me. I think they’ve all given up trying to find out. Is it hard for me not have someone appear ‘interested’ in what I have to say or what’s going on in my life? Yup, I get upset by that all the time. I am fully aware, however, that this is a result of my own doing. I continue to do this as well. Someone will ask me a direct question and I will automatically turn it back on them, thus avoiding answering. Still trying to figure out why I do this, but I guess I haven’t actually gotten there yet.
Awesome to know that my shitty/weird/annoying mood from yesterday has continued on! Yey you! 😉