So I met my friend, JaneDoe, at happy hour tonight. The locale just happens to be a well known cougar hangout. Awesome. I’ve been many times before and never really understood the label. Until tonight. OMG. I don’t know, anywhere from 40-60 year olds adorned with fake boobs, face lifts, low cut tops, whatever. I felt a bit out of place. Don’t get me wrong, I love me a little young pup too, but I have never thought of myself as a cougar. Sure, my dress was a bit low cut, but c’mon I even stapled the front in order to keep ‘the girls’ in check. What? I don’t sew. Get over it. Anyway, we settle in and proceed to have a cocktail. Or four. And being as we are the absolute perfect specimens of the female form, proceed to bash on all the other women there. 🙂 I know, I’m a peach! Anyway, we’re multiple cocktails down when a
douchebag guy that Jane had overheard saying that he ‘loved the cougar aspect of the bar’ decides to befriend me. Uh, awesome. Not sure whether to be flattered or offended. Anyway, we’re talking (well, to be clear I was talking and he was slurring) and I’m debating whether or not I could actually just use him for a quick bike ride and then send him on his way (stop acting surprised people, I actually have a filthy mind) when Jane announces she has to go and my young admirer takes all of 1.7 seconds to turn his back on me and talk to someone else. Who happened to be much older than me. Thanks Jane. That could have been an interesting mistake.
So what, you ask, does this have to do with cel phones? Well, I’m not there yet, so hold your horses. As Jane is an online dater as well and we were both pretty much in man hater mode, we were exchanging douchebag stories and inevitably land on Wednesday’s lunch date. Who flat out ignored my half hearted ‘thanks again for lunch’ text the next day. As 3 “Purple Crushes’ will do, I thought it would be a stellar idea to teach him a lesson in the nuances of internet dating and try to help him out in the karma department. Okay, not really, I just wanted to make him feel bad. Yup, I do have a mean streak for guys who hurt my feelings. Then again, Jane TOTALLY encouraged me to do it. 😉
So I decided that it would be a brilliant idea to send this:
Hi E, Hey, just wanted to let you know that as nervous as you are about online dating, bad manners are just bad manners. Fully aware that we had not much in common(and your lack of eye contact when speaking is just weird), but no reason to be rude. Your ‘mentor’ should also let you know that most adults don’t toss out ‘I’ll call you’ when they don’t mean it. It’s a-okay to just be honest. Just FYI. Best of luck in your search.
And I assume that is the end of it. Until I receive this. 2 minutes later:
I’m sorry I handled it badly. You aren’t wrong. Lack of eye contact, by the way, is a problem for me and I’m trying to improve it. Not my best moment and you deserve better.
Erm, well geesh. I didn’t expect to hear back from him at all, much less something nice. Yup, here I am feeling like shit again. So trying to somehow salvage some karmic points, I reply with:
Thx E, appreciate it. It just threw me off when you didn’t respond to my thank you yesterday. I hope you find what you’re looking for.
To which he responds:
And you. Again, I’m sorry.
I’m an asshole……………